If you accidentally hurt someone or cross their boundaries and they make you aware of this, literally all you have to do is apologize and stop. You don't have to beat yourself up internally for months. You don't have to hate yourself for fucking up. You don't have to feel like a horrible person. No one benefits from any of that - and at worst, such an extreme reaction will make the person in question less likely to speak up around you in the future, cause even if your negative reaction is directed at yourself and not at them, it's still unpleasant for everyone involved.

im going to come out and say it: isolating is a self-destructive behavior. it might not be as obvious and immediately self-destructive as say, impulsive spending, drug use or risky behaviors, but it gradually decays relationships and can deepen your mental health issues. often, our impulse is to retreat from others and responsibilities for “self care” or to “work on ourselves” and obviously sometimes we need mental health breaks, but there’s a line you cross from “taking a break” to full on neglecting your relationships with others and your social needs that can be incredibly damaging to yourself and others over time

my fave greek history story to tell is that of agnodice. like she noticed that women were dying a lot during childbirth so she went to egypt to study medicine in alexandria and was really fucking good but b/c it was illegal for women to be doctors in athens she had to pretend to be a man. and then the other doctors noticed that she was 10x better than them and accused her of seducing and sleeping with the women patients. like they brought her to court for this. and she just looked at them and these charges and stripped in front of everyone like “yeah. im not fucking your wives” and then they got so mad that a woman was better at their jobs then them that they tried to execute her but all her patients came to court and were like “are you fucking serious? she is the reason you have living children and a wife.” so they were shamed into changing the law and that is how women were given the right to practice medicine in athens

Yeah, this isn’t some Greek myth story about a hero or demigod or something, Agnodice was a real person who actually did this.

how can lawyers argue without crying 

I am a lawyer and let me tell you It gets like super close dude

literally throwing hands with anyone who has dumb shit to say about asians at this point

you need to start believing that nothing is too good for you

may february bring you a little extra love

what is it like to have a narcissistic mother?

 you, if you are a victim, yes, a victim its what im calling it, of having a narcissistic mother, i can only tell you that we are together, and share my history–so far, with you. 

when i was a child, i was never, ever praised for her, only ever when she called me pretty and right after said “just like me”.

i remember, when i was learning how to write, i wrote a small story, kinda copying “the lady and the tramp” story, from disney, and i showed her. i even drew the dogs and all. she took it, and started pointing out grammatical errors, all over, i was 7.

i remember she hitting me, because she had no patience with kids, in general, but i was HER kid.

so, i grew up with a sort of distance of her, in a way that she was kind of only a financial support to me. nothing else. i never shared anything with her at all.

i grew up with no hugs, no apologies–ever, no demonstrations of love to me. only as if i was a huge weight to her.

i remember wanting her to die. i really truly wanted you to die, mama. nowadays, i just understand you just cant fucking look at yourself, and your vision of the world is so limited to you and your crooked points of view and you just simply cant be someone else.

i remember she pushing me by my hair, when i was 13, in the middle of my school, just because she couldnt find me, because i was just going to find my sister, so when she arrived we all could already go, she called me lying snake, fake, parasite.

i remember looking at my friends mothers and wondering what it was like, to be loved like that.

i remember getting depressed, also by the age of 13. self-harm. i had started giving up on her, and on trying so hard to be the perfect daughter, the one she could accept, and for once be proud of. but i guess, this feeling will stay forever with me, because being rejected by your parents its not easy to let  go.

she will say mean things, that you could only say to your enemy, or during a big fight with someone who just angers you. she will call you of every possible shit you can imagine. she will never apologise. ever.

ever. fucking ever.

why did you do this to me?

it just hurts so much.

and you will try to win her compliments, you will. but you wont reach it. nah, dont even bother. toxic.

i feel like i cant put this experience into words, or even my feelings into it, because its a huge damage. just, if you have one, you are not alone. yes you hate her. theres nothing you can do to change her, no bro, there is not. cant discuss it. and, personally with me, i just learnt how to dont mind anything else she says, ofc i cant 100% do it, else i wouldnt be here right now, but its something you can improve i guess, and some other thing is that i forgive so easily, she says something terrible during luch, by the end of the afternoon we are already “talking normally”.

a narcissistic mother will never accept that she is wrong, will put the blame in everyone else but themselves, will always criticize everything you like, do, or say, will never say something nice and push you forward with your own life-goals. having a narcissistic mother is like having a harry potter’s dementor, but constantly there, because you live with her, and theres no way of escaping if you arent +18, have a job and can maintain yourself (if your parents arent divorced, and if you dont have relatives who could take you in).

its just fucking incredible, how everybody else in the world is wrong, but them.  i cant fuking understand, why cant you loook at your own fucking self? 

i started writing this, i was trembling, my hands now are less shaky, but my rage is so big i want to scream, hit my computer, hit the wall, i want to break windows, fucking scream at her face, leave, and never come back. i fucking hate you. 

i hate you.

why do you have so much hatred in yourself? why cant you just love? what have i done to you? i dont understand.

having a narcissistic mother will probably drag down your self esteem, will bring you depression, anxiety, and all sorts of wrong shit, and, if you dont have anyone else to rely on, man, talk to me. i had my half sisters, not daughters of hers, and they really just opened my eyes saying “stop trying, you are awesome, you are amazing, we love you, dont listen to your mother, dont you know how crazy she is?”, and i will always have them. you can have me, though we dont know each other, i can know what youre feeling and going through. 

she will push you away, she is eventually going to push everyone away, trust me.

my parents arent divorced, and my father never did anything to intervene with the way my mother handled me. he was there but wasnt, sort of a ghost. in resume, i dont feel like i had parents, completely, more like people who support me because they have legal obligations to it. i know they love me, in a way, i know it, but you just dont love in the, lets say, best possible way.

Things more important than family

I nearly drowned when I was 3. My mom had to jump into the pool fully clothed to rescue me. 44 years later, she still complains that I made her ruin her Mickey Mouse watch.

My mom broke my arm when I was 6. She tells a funny story about it. She doesn’t tell the part about when she came to me immediately afterward and complained impatiently, “Stop crying! It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

When I was in my 30′s, a doctor committed malpractice in his treatment of me, resulting in me permanently having less than 50% kidney function. Every single time I mentioned the kidney disease to my mother—panicking about what this would mean for the rest of my life, explicitly asking her for comfort and reassurance—she told me that it was my own fault for trusting the doctor instead of researching everything on my own.

Some people will tell you that nothing is more important than family.

I’m here to tell you that love is more important than family. Loving yourself is more important than family. Finding other people who offer you unconditional love is more important than family.

If your family causes you pain, then there are a hell of a lot of things more important than family.

YOU are more important than family. Always remember that. Always.