i knoooow that we talk ourselves in circles here on supernatural tumblr but it’s like you are the son of an abusive man who will leave you alone in a motel room for days or weeks at a time with a loaded shotgun and cans of spaghettios and he is your moral compass and your ideal you will never reach and he is your god. and god is an absent father who created the universe and every living thing and then left giving you no guidance and no help and no sign that he returns any of the devotion that you have for him. you are a cosmic being but you are in the motel room with that man who will not pray to god but will pray to you, always you. and dean says my biggest fear is that i am nothing but a blunt instrument in my dead father’s hand and i will spend my life following his orders. and castiel says my biggest fear is the creeping sense that i have questions and doubts and will someday damn everything because i will make my own choices. and then it takes them like twelve years to get together
