sooooo the steak-ums twitter account just got like, unsettlingly woke

what is going on

If u havent watched gayle yet what are u even doing

The Jonas Brothers have really changed since their brother died.

Self-fulfilling prophecy.

Lmao what? It’s literally the other way around. Christ, women are getting so weak these days

Nicely done, sir.

Mark the electrician has been here for five minutes and he’s already said “well that’s…weird” twice from the other room and frankly I’m afraid to ask.

It’s not good when skilled tradesman are standing in the middle of your room pinching the bridge if their nose, is it?

Mark just referred to the wiring in our bedroom as “creative” and “interesting”.

This is fine.

And now he’s taking apart the ceiling. I’m not worried, are any of you worried? I’m not, haha, it’s not like this house was previously owned by someone who would do something stupid like try to wire their house themselves…or store tins of varnish under the furnace behind a secret alcove…

Ha ha…

Ha.

Hm.

Fuck.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO NEUTRAL WIRES??!?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S GROUNDED INTO THE SCREWS HOLDING UP THE CEILING LIGHT???!?!!

“…so yeah that probably explains one or two things…do you want the good news?”

“There’s good news?”

“The wiring itself is pretty good.”

“It’s just been installed by a madman?”

“…yep, that uh, that about sums it up.”

This is fine. This is absolutely fine.

— Detroit, Michigan - June 26

Gotta work on that spacing

y'all what the fuck was bull tit anus tryna be tho

ALDKAKSKAK

Me out loud:

Danny Devito and Jeff Goldblum both give off chaotic energies, but in opposite directions. One is the yin to the other’s yang. However, both are everyone’s uncle

Danny is ur dad’s brother and Jeff is ur mom’s

That’s it EXACTLY.

Am I … being invited into the Underworld?

go

I’m tired of girls trying to invalidate their own feelings during times of pain, especially to their friends. Your break up meant something. That friendship you lost was a hard blow. I understand why you feel tired this semester. Sometimes this “modern woman” stereotype is patriarchy’s last attempt; patriarchy disguised as feminism. You don’t have to be “wise beyond your years”; your pain and crying does not mean you are not intelligent. If you feel your friends demand justification for your pain and ordeals, they’re not friends. You’re strong but human. Remind yourself emotional space is part of liberation.

*shows up 15 months late with starbucks* anyway here’s my vine compilation

Fuck, Millennials are fucking hilarious

I always feel better about youths after a good vine comp.

t-t-t-t-t-target!!!!!

“Do you speak any Japanese?”

“I’m Chinese I don’t speak any-”

“‘Cause if you do, I’ll sleep with you right now.”

“MITSUBISHI, TOYOTA”

“Bitch cone get me, not only is he ugly but his dishes talk!” “Who you talking to Belle?” “Uh… No one…. bitch that was his plate!”

I can’t believe a humble security guard saved our planet from the aliens.

this whole thing is way too good to be giffed you need to expirience it 

please just watch this

“It’s one second.” I said “It can’t possible be that great.” I was wrong.

NYEM

I turned the sound on and laughed so hard it hurt

a clownboy (half clown, half cowboy) says yeehonk

this is it. the worst post i’ve ever seen. my own two eyes are cursed