• “How many times are you going to do that, exactly?”
• “You were right. As per usual.”
• “Sometimes it’s hard to see the lines you’ve drawn until you’ve crossed them.”
• “You’re surprised because you have a soft spot for hot blondes.”
• “Is that – that’s a naked Scarlett Johansson on your fridge.”
• “You can stay, but for no more than two nights.”
• “Please don’t look in this drawer. Please.”
• “I told you not to pick him up, he’s very sensitive.”
• “Yes. I might have given you rabies. But in my defense, that’s ridiculous and I didn’t.”
• “I’m sorry, my cell phone data coverage does not cover the bullshit zone you’re in.”
• “Hey! Give me your pants. Quick, give me your pants.”
• “No, I’m serious. Stop it right now or I won’t give you the last cookie.”
• “You think I’m kidding. But I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”
• “How much would a stripper cost and why so much?”
• “I’m going to buy you a drink. Next week. On Thursday. When I get paid. Can you swing this one?”
• “Hippos are hungry, hungry! And you are considerably larger than a small piece of lettuce!”
• “When I was little, I used to be afraid of mummies. And now look at me. I love dead people!”
• “I don’t even miss my ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, I just miss my glockenspiel.”
• “It happens to everyone, you just sell your skirt for some coke.”
• “Please do not pull your pants down in front of baby Jesus.”
• “That’s not the phrasing you want to use.”
• “Because nothing says heterosexuality like a gold sash.”
• “Please don’t take it out on my boobs.”
• “When it gets really windy I look like a bizarre combination of Marilyn Monroe and Cousin It.”
• “We have to change our names and run away to Mexico. It’s the only way. Adios.”
• “How much money do you have on you?”
• “Please tell me that’s a raisin and not a tiny hamster shit you’re eating.”
• “Life is a lot better when you put things on your head.”
• “For someone who’s not very deep, I’m incredibly not shallow.”

• “I need you to remind me what it feels like to love you.”
• “I love you. What? No I don’t. Forget I said anything.”
• “I need you to tickle my feet but like, sexually.”
• “If we got married, would I have to take your last name? Or could we just make up a new one?”
• “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
• “I heard you say his/her name in your sleep last night. Want to explain or should I just leave?”
• “I want to spend the night with you tonight. But I also want to sleep on your side. And without you on the bed. So technically I just want your bed.”
• “Please don’t be proposing to me in an empty parking lot.”
• “Stop saying you’re sorry, you stupid fucking broken record. It’s done.”
• “I’m not jealous, I’m curious. About the things you were doing. With him/her. Without me.”
• “Your mother’s looks could kill. Actually, are you sure they haven’t before?”
• “If you’re breaking up with me tonight, can I at least eat first?”
• “Stop sweating. It’s not attractive during sex, and it’s not attractive now.”
• “Are you – are you checking me out? In the line for the confessional?”
• “We have to go. I might have told your mom I’m pregnant. I don’t know why I said that. I’m not.”
• “So what you’re saying it that you’re snorting sugar to get excited for sex.”
• “My dog licks better than you do.”
• “But through every stupid thing you do and say – and those are a lot, by the way – I love you.”
• “I don’t care if you’re growing another head. I’ll talk to both of them. I love you.”
• “And I’d take fifty years of not talking to you for just a day of doing so. I promise that’s a compliment.”
• “I don’t want to hide this anymore. I’m not some dirty little secret, you American Reject.”
• “This is a bit too dramatic for my taste, so can we skip it and have sex instead?”
• “I don’t want you to think of me as your personal sex toy.”
• “Thanks and all, but that makes me feel like a low-class escort, so.”
• “A kiss in exchange for every nice thing you say about me. Deal?”
• “Promise me you’re not like him/her. I need to hear it from your mouth. Promise me.”
• “Look, I’ve had my heart broken before. I’m not ready to let you in just yet. Anywhere.”
• “Don’t leave me here. Anywhere else, okay, but not here.”
• “I wish I could say that was the worst sex I ever had, but I’ve had worse.”
• “I just blew you. Could you look a little happier about it?”
• “I’m attracted to shiny things, so if it looks like I’m staring at your chest, it’s because I am.”

• [text] This is upsetting my poop.
• [text] Hey, are you up? If you’re not, can you wake up? I need some help.
• [text] So it involves feces and large birds.
• [text] She said that to you? Why?
• [text] Please come back. I miss you.
• [text] What are you good for if you’re not gonna bring me ice cream?
• [text] Can you ignore that last text? It wasn’t meant for you. I’m sorry.
• [text] …did you just send me a nude?
• [text] FUCK OFF YOU ONE-EYED WHORE.
• [text] I don’t know why I said that.
• [text] Leave it to you to fuck the simplest of requests up.
• [text] Do we have to go to their wedding? He’s only my first cousin.
• [text] How much does ‘I love you’ mean to you?
• [text] I am not stalking you. But you should do something about your bathroom, it’s gross.
• [text] Please. I need this so badly.
• [text] I trust you completely.
• [text] I’m a genius. You’re a peasant. Everything makes sense again.
• [text] Hey, buddy! Got like, five hundred bucks I can borrow? Times ten.
• [text] She lost it. She completely lost it. She said her uterus was attacking her bone marrow.
• [text] I will not get you donuts.
• [text] Please? I love you.
• [text] I think I’m gonna go to sleep now, but you keep thinking that.
• [text] I can’t say this out loud. They might be listening.
• [text] I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t think he’d duck when the ball came at him, I’m sorry.
• [text] You’re cute.
• [text] I just need you to understand how important you are to me.
• [text] Fuck off.
• [text] Okay. Guess we’ll leave it at that then.

bold what’s true about you

I am under 18. I am a cuddler.  I am a morning person. I am an only child. I am currently in my pajamas. I am currently pregnant. I am left handed. l am right handed. I am ambidextrous. I am a little shy around the opposite sex. I bite my nails. I can be paranoid at times. I enjoy folk music. I enjoy smoothies. I enjoy talking on the phone. I have a car. I have/had a hard time paying attention at school. I have a hidden talent.  I have a pet. I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl.  I have all my grandparents. I have been to another country. I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor. I have or had broken a bone. I have bathed someone. I have changed a diaper.  I have changed a lot over the past year. I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. I have had major/minor surgery. I have killed another person. I have had my hair cut within the last week. I have mood swings.  I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have rejected someone before.  I like the taste of blood. I like Michael Jackson. I love sleeping. I love to shop. I own 100 CDs or more. I own and use a library card. I read books for pleasure in my spare time.  I sleep a lot during the day. I watch soap operas on a regular basis. I work at a job that I enjoy. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. I am wearing socks. I am tired. I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt. I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I have/had:

Finished college.  Smoked cigarettes. Ridden every ride at an amusement park. Collected something really stupid. Gone to a concert. Helped someone. Spun turn tables. Watched four movies in one night. Been broken up with. Taken a college level course. Been in a car accident. Been in a tornado. Been in a hurricane. Been in a cyclone. Watched someone die. Been to a funeral. Ran a marathon. Your parents are divorced Cried yourself to sleep.  Spent over $200 in one day.  Cheated on someone. Been cheated on. Written a 10 page letter. Had a best friend.  Lost someone you loved. Skipped school. Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do. Stolen books from the library.  Been in a mental hospital.  Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. Fired a gun. Been in a school play. Been fired from a job. Taken a lie detector test. Swam with dolphins.  Attempted suicide. Written poetry. Read more than 20 books a year. Gone to Europe.   Loved someone you couldn’t have. Used a coloring book over age 12. Had surgery. Had stitches. Taken a taxi. Had more than 5 online conversations going at once. Had a hamster. Dyed your hair. Had something pierced. Gotten straight A’s.  Been handcuffed. 

My hair is naturally the color:

Light brown Medium brown Dark brown Blond Black Dirty blonde Strawberry blond Multicolored Red

My eyes are:

Brown Dark Brown Blue Green Hazel Light brown Grey

People sometimes label me as:

Slut. Boyish. Colorful. Ugly. Nerd.

Some of my biggest fears are:

Spiders/other insects. Slimy things. Dying/Afterlife Doctor/dentist appointments.  Hospitals. Needles.  Disease.  Being alone in the dark. Heights/Falling Small spaces. Oceans/large bodies of water. Large animals. Small animals. Open spaces. Lightning/Fire. Tornadoes. Clustered holes.   Bodily fluids. Corpses. Thunder/loud noises.

I have:

A friend with benefits. A laptop in my room. A television in my room. Good grades. My own car. Parents who are still married. A dog. A cat. A game console.