Winter Sunshine at the Kinsol Trestle

January 2022

[📷: @ashtonsciacallophotography]

Winter Sunshine Magic @ Kinsol Trestle, BC

January 2022

[📷: @ashtonsciacallophotography]

Kinsol Trestle, B.C.

January 2022

[📷: @ashtonsciacallophotography]

hiding from my responsibilities

o yea I’d also really love to post some of my art here/somewhere online again!! lol

basically, expect this blog to become its former hot mess glory in relatively short order but with slightly better curation from a now 27 year old human

Life Updates: 2022 Edition

I do feel called to return to this blog. So, in an attempt to un-alienate my followers, I thought I’d do a little write-up about where I’m at in life these days.

Lots of things have changed, most especially things involving my understanding of myself and my struggles. I recently went back and read every single personal post I’d ever made on this blog, and I am happy to say I have found a deep well of compassion for the person I used to be and for the struggles I formerly misunderstood (and even blamed myself for). This past summer I was finally correctly diagnosed with severe PTSD and cPTSD in the mental health arena, and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome as well as what looks to be fibromyalgia in the physical health arena. So many of the things I used to post about out of deep frustration and anguish suddenly make infinitely more sense to me, and I could not be more grateful to know that I’m not failing myself and those around me; I actually have multiple complex medical issues and disabilities that require a lot of daily attention and care. I am a survivor of decades of family trauma, inflicted on behalf of and justified by ableism, and it took me this long to understand that. I am no longer in contact with 90% of my family, which is hard in a sentimental sense, but much easier in an embodied one. I am finally taking care of myself in the ways I deserve to be cared for.

One of the things along the way that I have realized I need, and that I was working towards over the summer, was training my own PTSD service dog. As some of you may have read in my last posts, unfortunately my Motyka pup passed away in September. This was just a couple of months before we were set to certify. It was heartbreaking, and felt like a huge setback for me in many ways. That said, I am actively visioning and planning for my next dog, which is a prospect that is equal parts daunting and exciting. I feel like I still have so much to learn as a trainer and so much money to raise before I will be ready to welcome a working breed puppy into my daily life, but the thought of having a dog in my life again is an overwhelmingly joyful one regardless. I will likely be ready to start fundraising in the coming months. There are a lot of veterinary and equipment costs I would like to have saved up well before I get a puppy, and that is what I will be reaching out to friends and supporters for help with. My financial situation is stable, albeit very limited, and I want to make sure I have all my bases covered with a responsible amount of buffer. Honestly, I want to be a better dog owner this time around than the last. I did a lot of things right with my last dog, to my young credit, but I also learned a WHOLE LOT in the “life come at you fast” department, and I want to be as ready as I can possibly be this time.

In the meantime, I will probably post a lot about how much I miss Motyka, how bad I want a dog, and how I’m tackling my aforementioned EDS + PTSD. I’ll also do my best to post some photos of mine every now and then. ;) Thanks for stickin’ with me! It will be nice to re-meet some of you. If you think I might know you by an ancient URL, feel free to send me an ask being like “hi I used to be ____”, I’d love to hear from my old mutuals if any of you are still around! For those that have already been interacting with my recent posts, HI I missed you all, and it’s been really nice to see some familiar “faces”. :)

Rest peacefully, sweet boy. We miss you so much.

Hi all, it’s been ages since I posted anything here. Unfortunately, I come bearing some sad news.  My/our special baby boy Motyka left this world on September 8th, 2021. A rapid onset of bone cancer is what took him from us. I know how much everyone here loved him and his photos, and therefore I wanted to thank each and every one of you for being a part of our lives together. I wanted to tell you all sooner, but I couldn’t bring myself to log on here for a little while. I hope you will understand. He was (and still is) one of the most universally loved dogs on the planet earth. I will miss him as long as I live. I hope you will all join me in remembering him. He truly was the goodest boy. I will be posting some more recent photos and reblogging some old sets in the coming days and weeks. I hope you will join me in remembering my beam of sunshine. Thank you for all of your reblogs, comments, questions and laughs. You made me feel like my photography was an avenue for joy, and in fact it has been a grounding force for me over these last months. While my photos are missing a certain powder puff of a subject these days, I will always know that he is responsible for making me the photographer I am today. He is with me every time I take a photo. Time will tell what the future holds for this blog. I may return. In the meantime, I hope you all are well, and I am sorry the news isn’t better. 

It feels a bit like all those years of existential angst actually got me somewhere?

I’m working in earnest on a few really big and important projects I’ve had in mind for years. And, as it turns out, I’ve been somewhat subconsciously creating bits and pieces that fit right into the whole of it over these past years; the work has literally been creating itself this whole time. I didn’t think anything of these “scraps” until now. Honestly, I doubted my motivations for making these things at all. Now, the perspective is killing me. How didn’t I see it? How didn’t I know?

Just in case this is comforting or validating for anybody going through a shitty time that feels like everything they make is garbage: It isn’t garbage; it might just be a scrap that hasn’t found it’s companion yet. Your stuff doesn’t have to make sense (to you or anybody else) right away.

still GAY

still need to cut my BANGS

nothing has really changed

I was gonna take a selfie and caption it “DO I STILL LOOK GAY”

and then I realized

it looks like I’m in the closet

in case y’all wonder what I’ve been up to... 

I’m actually working a click-through video game of sorts. It’s bizarre, maybe a bit pointless, just to explore around. See the sights. You know?

These are concept sketches. The first image is more “finished”. Owl Sprite has finished art, the rest... Nah. LOL. It’s a slow burn. Art is hard. We’ll get there...

And when we do, Owl Sprite will be there to greet you.