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skills: puns

@illyana-rasputin / illyana-rasputin.tumblr.com

Lisa, 31, too powerful for caffeine
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all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

Isn’t Lady Gaga bisexual?

yes that is indeed why she's on the list of famous women who like women

why have multiple people reblogged this with some horse-assed "um actually most of these people are bi or pan" did I fucking stutter I said they like girls. what is your point. I'm going to kill you.

POV: you make a good post and then encounter tumblr reading comprehension

btw to just clarify for anyone who sees this reblog of this post

op is basically saying something along the lines of "yea ik taylor swift is bi but like. why is she y'all's only lgbtq+ pop icon when there are all these other lgbtq+ people in the pop scene???"

i might have worded this badly but hopefully i got the main point across

hi op here I certainly did not fucking say Taylor Swift is bi

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cealvan

Op is saying that liking Taylor for being QUEER or Lgbtqia+ is not a bad thing, but to also know she is not the only one.

He did not call anyone in the original post lesbian bi or pan.

He did call two people NB

you have to be fucking with me there's no way

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He should be in all detective shows

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geekysteven

[Image description The background for Blues Clues with Benoit Blanc from Knives Out]

Now I’m naht puhticularly familiuh with how everything wurks around heeuh, but I- I do buhlieve we just gawht a lettuh… wonduh who it’s from…

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Cooking protip: there are a lot of vegetables that you can use to bulk out a meal by adding as much as you like! But chilli peppers are not one of them!

derin what happened

I think that question is adequately answered by my cooking protip

nope, not even close.

we're hellsitians, we need everything spelled out in excruciating, anatomically correct, unforgiving, mindnumbingly exact, hot, fancy-ass corn-speckled & pea-ridden detail.

spill all the deets coward please, derin.

  1. I was making chicken curry
  2. I cleaned out the freezer the other day and found my chilli harvest from last year at the bottom of it, thought 'I really should use these up'
  3. I thought "well curry is meant to be spicy'
  4. I used them up
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pixelmason

ALL of them????

If it helps it was a small harvest, I am a terrible gardener

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dduane

cc: @petermorwood (re: the situation in the kitchen's front window)

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reverend-dog

I love cinnamon. But cinnamon essential oil is not a cooking ingredient. Especially on fried eggs.

Everyone pay attention to this guy's cooking instead of mine

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thinking about the guy who bought his fiancée the Dyson Airblade instead of Airwrap (so a hand dryer instead of a multi-styler for hair) and the guy who got his gf the toy Dyson Airwrap set for children thinking it was the real thing on a huge sale

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you call this place "wall greens" yet its walls... are not green? how very pecuilar...

ah i see now. so "walgreen" was a clan of bandits who conquered various, smaller apothecaries in order to acquire the vast empire they now sit upon. how very cruel, this "america". you are ruled by warlords and do nothing to usurp them?

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chemicahs

putting butter on toasted bread is so good has anyone else tried this shit

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icksludge

intersring dish. drop the recipe

Im so glad you asked! In my family, we’re a little different. For generations, butter has been a staple ingredient in all of our recipes. It all started in 1943 when my great grandfather Jo discovered cows. As a youngster he used to churn milk while watching the family of mourning doves on the neighbors land fight over the plumpest worms each morning. The doves feeding their children inspired grandpa Jo so much throughout the years that an idea sparked in his head. He then started the family business we all know as Bo’s kitchen (changed it to Bo for the letter B from butter.)

One day a young woman named Margeryne came into our shop and excitedly declared she also enjoyed making food in the shape of a rectangle. Upon hearing this grandpa Jo almost called his lawyer to file a lawsuit, assuming if anyone else found a way to make food in the shape of a rectangle it must be a stolen copy of our one-of-a-kind melt-in-your-mouth butter recipe. But he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard her call this rectangular food a “Loaf.” We stared in awe at her creation for what felt like hours. That’s when I tried bread for the very first time. It was shockingly delicious and wonderfully fluffy.

But, even then, I had never thought about putting butter on top of bread before. In this recipe I will show you how two rectangular foods combine to make something even greater, something that will make you say Mmmmm! like you’ve never said it before.

Ingredients:

- butter

- bread

Directions:

Toast 2 slices of bread, spread a pad of butter on the tops of each, serve warm.

2 stars. it was terrible. idk what went wrong, i replaced the bread with a brick and the butter for cement paste to cut back on carbs (im on the curbs diet) and it just tasted like rocks. WTF. 😡😡

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I'm turning 30 this month, and for some reason have become suddenly interested in material possessions. like what if,,,,,,,,my couch was nice. what if my sheets were nice. is this what happens to you??

I think a couple of things combine: you now have enough experience in the persistence of material objects to understand that if they don’t actively fail, they continue to define the shape of your material existence. The four stainless steel forks you randomly bought for your first place are now the forks you might, conceivably, have for the rest of your life.

You also have experience of the world around you. You realize, by comparison with your friends who like nice things, that your forks are shit. Incidentally, you also realise that despite having made choices that were defined by being broke or frugal, you do not actually get points for having shitty thin-handled forks that are annoying to use. You don’t get respect or appreciation or comfort or pleasure. After ten years of use out of $5 cutlery, you have inarguably gotten your money’s worth. You will get nothing else from them. You only get, forever, the experience of using shitty forks.

You have probably lived on your own for a few years now, perhaps even for more than a decade. Some items have fallen behind and been lost, thrown away, broken or failed; both others are still your companions. Depending on how nice they are, this is a source of comfort and frustration. Love to the hiking boots that have lasted! Affection and allegiance to the 20 year old band t-shirt! Disgust to the t-shirt bought last year that is sent to recycling for being so shit. Increasing admiration to the grand-grandmother’s mixing bowl, especially compared to the 2016 purchase of a mixing bowl that couldn’t handle the fast-paced lifestyle. Annoyance, disappointment and sorrow to smartphone case number 241, what the fuck. Smug pride in oneself for having the foresight, in an earlier house move, to splash out on a decent new mattress. As these items persist, you cannot help but notice that quality of materials/items is now obvious and visible, because you’ve spent more time with them. A 22-year old newly in possession of two knives - a cheap shitty kitchen knife and a good one they inherited - will have spent the same amount of time with both objects; when you’re 30, you’ve worked for 8 years with the good knife, while the cheap one (if you even recall ever having it) was thrown out in a fit of annoyance six years ago.

You have, at this point, in addition to using them, also handled and cleaned most of your possessions several times. You have realized, very materially and fundamentally, that you must care for these items for the rest of your lifespan, or theirs.

You are (possibly) out of the early desperate scramble to suddenly, instantly furnish an entire independent life (sheets, mattresses, winter coat, forks) with no money. This naturally led to restrictions on what you chose.

You are (possibly) out of the eaves of how you were raised. Many people spend their early twenties reconciling how they were raised with how they want to live. Perhaps you were raised to feel guilty for wanting things, such as toys or attention, which you later dutifully applied to things like education or new forks. Over time, you will have surprised yourself with how you met, identified, addressed, and reconciled these tensions from your upbringing; through conflict and resolution with parents/teachers/church/internet/social media, you have now arrived at what you have. If you had big things to confront, like coming out as queer, you may have thought this work was done. Now you suddenly find yourself confronting the weird beliefs you have that “you don’t NEED new forks” or “it’s bourgeois to want things” or “NOBODY spend £200 on HIKING BOOTS, what are you, rich?” And you might find yourself feeling like, well, actually, I’m grown-up and I hike and eat, actually.

So yes, I think that when you are 30 you are in the danger zone of getting a new couch.

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