Two years ago today I wrote Always.

It doesn’t mean anything now, so yeah, cheers to being in a much better state - and our always finding their better always. 💕

I could go on for hours, trying to count the moles on your body and connect them but the pattern wouldn't make any sense. But I see beyond the singularity and look at you as a whole, it’s clearer on this sight and I am not trying to fit you into a single constellation but instead I could make up the entire celestial sphere right on your very skin.

what a mess

I always thought of love as two pieces fitting together Perfectly in place Intact and whole But love is a picnic basket filled with spaces Things of different weights and shapes Losely stumbling upon each other You could never think how much of a mess it is inside

5516

I live in a state of constant anxiety and I am aware of the brittle bone that I am. I break for the most simplest – and complex things, I break for anything and anyone. I carry pain like a diamond studded crown in my head, and tread life’s runway with it

Have you ever thought that maybe we’re in this place right now, in our lives, cause we’re meant to be here and there’s nothing that we can do to alter the placement made by the universe. That no matter how hard we try to pull back, we always end on the same plane. That no matter how far off we wander, we always gravitate back. If ever this was true, are you going to be just another pit stop or are you going to be my destination?

notes

the moment i started crying hysterically in the rain is the moment i realized i didn't have that much cause at that moment it took everything in me to walk away but it didn't cost me as much as i thought it would to completely give up am i sick in the head for letting it be or am i just dumb enough to let it slip through my grip

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." -Tyler Durden, Fight Club

"Am I not enough?" "No, you are more than enough" "Then why do you make me feel inadequate?" "Because you are more than enough, and it is too much"

well i guess you could say that i was in a rush to mend things that i completely forgot that when you put bandaid over open wounds it does not heal at all

with wide eyes and shaky hands tongue blistering from keeping silent all these years i’ve been a bystander to my own feelings.

Haiku

love like the moonlight lust like the thick and dark clouds us like the night sky

we are not alone

to alleviate pain we must go out of our ways and do something that would distract us from the staggering melancholia that might soon be the ulcers in our hearts giving us chest pains by morning instead we pile up these bottled emotions that now composes our entire being making us heavier than our doubts ever will but we can’t hold on to something for too long even rocks intenerate and clouds precipitate if nature had sought of a way to remind us that it is okay to let go then we are not alone the discerning will be between ourselves but in mending we are not alone

Hours of wordlessness: i don't think i can finish this

he was a chronic illness leaving me in pain at the time of his recurrence. to watch him walk out and walk in my life again after i've emptied myself was not relieving cause i know too well that this will all happen again -

Unfinished pre writing

I am so drained from this unending cycle of breaking each other. I never thought i’d find irony in the sense that i find comfort and hell in you, and you’d feel the same too. And after a year of hurting each other with lame punches, with infidelity, with unmeaningful promises and driving each other mad, who would have thought that the guilt, the realizations and you falling for me came a little too late. The broken pieces can never be whole again. Each and every time you break me, there are pieces that get lost. Pieces that got swept away, pieces that got thrown away. This may be the reason why I cannot love you like i did a couple of years back. This may be the reason why we are fading like the end of a sad movie. I can never sit and stay in the cinema, the ending won’t change as much as I want it to. There is only one thing to do from this point on, and it is to walk away. Walk away and put and end to the unending cycle of breaking each other.

"Is it that it's over or do birds still sing for you?" (Ed Sheeran, Autumn Leaves) 006