wish i could call in bitchy to work

sorry boss can’t work today. i woke up and i feel like a total cunt. can’t be trusted with customers

most americans unknowingly breathe in about 30 to 40 "microburgers" daily

call me the micro sd card the way that she put her data in me and then drops me on the floor and loses me forever

call me the nintendo switch cartrige the way i taste terrible and get lost on the floor again

they sentenced me to one hour in the car with my mother

corsets @ alexander mcqueen rtw autumn 1996 .

my kitchen

my dad walking into my room: we gotta take the trash out tonight

me (harboring lifelong resentment after he mowed the beautiful American Burnweed that had sprouted in our lawn when I was 6 and which I treated as a friend with an elaborate backstory): i do not give a fuck

Deadlifted 405. 3 reps 8 sets.

I jacked off twice today.

I also jacked off twice today. You wanna FaceTime for round three?

not before I go do my deadlifts. I've got 406 lbs, 4 reps, 9 sets today.

Have a great time! :)

"That should be long enough for me to jack off at least two more times. He'll stand no chance against my empty balls and desensitized dick. I'll be sure to win this session."

Thanks bestie, I will!

"If he were Kira, he'd likely to use this time to jack off again... No... Maybe several times. It would be wise to bring my stroker with me to the gym so I can get at least another load out between sets. Such a dangerous foe, one can never be too cautious."

just jerked off and killed myself but im feeling better now can we still go on a walk tonight

the gang's all here

arakii fw23 ‘frost jacket’

@ashmp3

i just invented an adderall that you take once and it works forever but then i crushed it up and let it blow away in the wind and also i forgot how to make it

okokkai