a weapon to surpass metal gear

do you want to try prime

i just googled some facts about worms and they are apparently 1000 times stronger than humans 

i read it wrong this isnt true 

Kyoya, probably, when he’s like super hungry or something.

How do they make ice cream in Zootopia? Who are they milking?

everything was blue

his jat

his jorts

his joots

this post gave me the black plague

dont you mean

the blue plague

The jague

how dare u make me read that with my own 2 eyes

It's almost Halloween, time to celebrate

Never Gonna Give You Up and Colors Of The Wind are on the same key

please pass it on

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST IN ANY SITE WITHOUT MY CONSENT

When you make a reference and someone actually gets it

when the friend u type “you” to goes offline and the friend u type “u” to messages u

A couple of years ago I was in the gym and I overheard this guy (we’ll call him “LT” for Lying Tool) “warning” a girl. He said something to the effect of:

“Hey, sorry to bother you. But I just overheard that guy in the red shirt (pointing at my friend who was across the gym) saying some extremely crass stuff about you in the locker room. It was really sexual and graphic, basically talking about ripping off your purple spandex and violating you in front of everyone. I couldn’t just listen and not tell you because you deserve to know what certain people are really like.”

Listing to this I was furious. This guy had obviously seen my friend and the girl talking in the gym (she approached him) and gotten jealous because he wanted to get with her. So he made up this lie to throw him under the bus. I know it was a lie because 1) I was just in the locker room and nothing of the sort was said and 2) the dude he was lying about was actually a really nice, respectful guy.

So he finished up his tall tale and before the girl could respond I scoffed really loud and said:

“She knows you’re lying just to try to get in her pants. That guy would never say those kinds of things about her because she’s his sister, you moron.”

The look on LT’s face was priceless. He went pale and stammered something about how he must have gotten the guy mixed up. But the girl (who had caught on and was playing along) pointed out how he had been very clear about pointing her “brother” out. So LT shifted his story again and said he must have gotten the girl he was talking about mixed up. So I pointed out that she was the only girl wearing purple spandex.

He actually looked like he was about to cry, and I never saw him in the gym again after that.

*looks innocent but is actually kinky as fuck*