Drink the fluid in a magic 8 ball to gain its power

Stand in line on Black Friday to return something 

Shart week on history channel

Hello hello, update my hair is getting longer!!

(ig @kellyddma)

When the car has travelled one light second

Look at the old Reddit sticker!

Someone: romance is dead Me, a very lonely necromancer : really??

THE CAT SASSED HER BACK. NO I’M NOT MOMMMMM

disney is so tiring like give us lesbians u boring capitalists

If you microwave your Starbucks, the “Do not microwave” sign will get scorched

it’s peaceful to not know

i cant believe that there might be millions of possible alternate universes and i got stuck in one where my fuckign brain is Broken

i’m just a bitch with bad posture and an irregular sleeping schedule 

The most ridiculous complaints that customers have made to me

“One of your cashiers has a huge zit on her cheek. It was gross looking and I lost my appetite. She should have popped it before she came in this morning.”

“The cashier over there was counting money. As a joke, my ten-year-old started shouting random numbers. The cashier made an angry face and now my son is upset. He has no right to get angry at a little kid who doesn’t know any better.”

“Cashiers shouldn’t be drinking water bottles while on the clock. What if they put vodka in there?”

“One of your employees has way too many tattoos and does her makeup way too dark. I don’t like her funky colored hair either. It’s trashy and unprofessional. I won’t be shopping here anymore.”

“If the pregnant girl wanted to have relations out of wedlock, that’s up to her, but she should be wearing a fake wedding band while she’s working. I don’t want my children to think that premarital sex is okay.”

“Some of your cigarettes are marked as ”$1 off". You shouldn’t sell them. They condone smoking.“

“I was told I couldn’t bring my 15-year-old son into the liquor section. It wasn’t like I was buying booze for him!”

“The cashier farted silently while she was ringing me up. It smelled horrible.”

“You shouldn’t allow people to bring their service dogs in the store. I don’t like dogs. They make me uncomfortable.”

“You really shouldn’t let your employees go home in the middle of a rush.”

“I let my son eat a banana while I was shopping. I told the cashier. She said that bananas go by weight and she can’t ring them up without the actual product. She told me it was fine and just to remember for the next time, but I know she didn’t mean it so I felt obligated to run all the way back to the produce department and grab another one so that she could charge me.”

“There are way too many foreigners working here. You should be more concerned about making sure Americans are employed.”

“You should build a separate bathroom for employees.”

“I pulled into a handicap spot. One of your cart pushers told me I had to move. I may not be handicapped but I have had a very long day and I don’t have the energy to walk across the entire parking lot.”

“Not hiring my son because of his age is discrimination. I got him his working papers on his 14th birthday last week. That should be enough.”

“Cashiers shouldn’t let customers bag their own purchases under any circumstances.”

Wow people are awful

the only way to read these is in a white suburban mom voice

if you’re a struggling student…

(and not already dead and broke from 2016)

here’s a big list of the ways you can save (or EARN) money this summer!

Feature Points

Get paid to download apps (you can delete them after a minute) on your phone. Use the code 8HR5KC for a bonus 50 points at signup and a surprise!

unidays

just confirm your student email and you’ll get free shipping and 10-30% discounts at major retailers. sign up here for exclusive offers to places like asos, urban outfitters, topshop, american apparel, and more… Sign up here!

Uber

For any late nights and parties… download Uber and get your first ride free with the code kellym9420ue. Be safe in the new year!!

marvel headquarters, early 2000s

guy 1: who do u think we should cast as wolverine

guy 2: idk probably a huge, jacked man