Katie we haven't posted since the autumnal equinox we are the worst

Autumn Altar! Less gemstones and dead flowers than I usually do, and more candles and more red. Also cleaned up and organized the space in front of it, so I can actually get to it when I light the candles. Tonight I'm gonna turn off all the lights and let it light my room. I finally have a window that opens, so I can actually enjoy the night

So here's my autumnal equinox altar! I guess for me the autumn equinox is a time where you're supposed to just be allowed to enjoy your "harvest" after all the toil from the last few seasons. It's been rough, and after all the hard decisions and struggling, I'm just grateful for everyone who's still in my life, I'm glad we're all still breathing after this year.

So in case you were interested, a new thing I came across was if you want aomeone to relfect on something more than you think they did, or to think about something more, write it on a peice of paper and close it in a compact mirror and keep it there for as long as you think it needs to be there. I’ve found this to be really great and easy so I thought I’d share it with you.

Left: my thrift store swag Right: marmalade tea

Katie, I loved reading your update, it made me feel so happy hearing about things going right for you. I’m so glad you got to spend some time with your mom, I remember how you guys used to spend every Saturday together and when you got a job I remember being sad for you that that got taken away. I know that’s just how life is, but I think the relationship between a girl and her mom is more important than almost anything. You guys really deserve some time to just be together and enjoy each other without worrying about anyone or anything else.

I finally made a friend! I went to this weird Navy Spouse 101 class desperately hoping to make a friend. It was a five hour class, but in all that time there wasn’t enough moments to speak to anyone for me to really connect, I was disappointed. But then when I was walking out a girl class the class stopped me to tell me I was reading her favorite book and we had a short conversation about it and she gave me her number and invited me to have breakfast with her last week. The breakfast went really well and we made plans to go thrift shopping today, and now today went really well so we’re gonna go to trader joe’s later this week!!! I’m really out of practice with having friends, you know? So it’s taking me a little while to just relax and have fun. Things have become so much easier now that I have someone who just knows what I mean when I talk about life here, someone who doesn’t make every conversation a fight like nukes do. (As in someone I can make plans with here, I know I can always talk to you 💗)

She gave me a container full of this really cool tea she found that I thought you would love, it comes in a glass jar and it’s like a honey citrus marmalade that you can use as a spread, but it becomes tea when you stir it into water! 

I’m also excited to hear more about your camping trip! It’s gonna be so much fun, camping is the best, I hope you take pictures

I told my manager I couldn't come in early today because of homework and I feel so guilty.

Also, sweet prince 🐶

Updates

I haven't used this blog as much as I should, and I'm sorry for that. There were a few times last week that I wanted to, but I always forgot. But I had to get gas this morning before work, and I left way too early. So I'm sitting in my car, waiting for it to be three, typing these moments on my phone. Happy Things: -last Tuesday, my mom and I ditched work to go see finding dory. We even went to the fancy theater by UNO. I enjoyed the movie, but I liked hanging out with my mom more, we never get to anymore. I have to work every single weekend now, I used to get Saturdays off. My mom and I would go shopping or go to the cemetery. I mis that. I had to go into work that day, but I didn't have to go in till 5, and there wasn't anything to do, so I go to go home like an hour early. -My friend Taylor and I are going on a camping trip in August. We hope our other friends Logan and Ash will come too, but even if they can't, I'll be nice to get away with just her. We're only gonna be gone for like two day, but I took an entire week off of work. I'm looking forward to it so much. Only problem, neither of us have ever been camping so, that'll be interesting. -The Gravity Falls officially journal 3 was released and I'm in love with it. I've been staying up late and deciphering all the codes, it's been so much fun. I was never that into deciphering the original shows codes, because someone would crake it within 5 minutes of airing, but now I get to do them myself and its so much fun! For some reason, deciphering codes is more fun at night. -Last week, I was very determined to have a good week. And it kind of worked. Work was slow, (until Friday, will make another post about work) so I got to actually relax instead of stressing. I kicked that weeks ass. I should probably get to work. Don't really know how busy it is today, but well see. Friday's are usually busy. Have to work till 9, which is not fun. It kind of ruins my whole day working 3-9. More to follow~

I stood for myself for the first time in a long time last night, I think you would be proud of me

I totally do get shooting pains up my legs like that, it’s absolutely terrifying because you start thinking to yourself “oh my god this is what getting older means, if this is like my parents it might just not go away” you know?

Two nights ago a commercial came on that showed Omaha and I started crying. I remember looking out the uhaul at the last sight of home, and Aaron saying the next time we see the city it will be covered in snow. I don’t belong in Charleston. I miss my mom and my grandma and brothers. I miss you every day, honestly even when I still lived in Omaha I missed you every day. We all watched Les Mis the other night and they all kept hating on gavroshe. I defended him in your honor.

Things here aren’t all bad, there’s a lot of good things here too, I’ve kind of become everyone’s surrogate grandma/mother/big sister figure. I’m always feeding people, always have jars and pans of desserts, always have an open home, always something to offer. So far having so many people to cook for is my favorite part of life here. Our guests will sometimes stay the night and I’ll get the guest room ready, Aaron and I will cook breakfast in the morning, it’s like a mini B&B.

I wish we could spend the forth of July together. We could make patriotic cupcakes and listen to Hamilton and watch national treasure and go see a firework show. Maybe we’d even splurge on new forth of July dresses.

This has been the longest week of my life Work has been hell, it's been super busy. I think it's all the sales, I'm scared for Sunday, it's gonna be even worst. My feet are in a constant state of ache. Do you ever get that? You'd wake up, get out of bed, only to have pain shoot up your legs? That's been me all week Schools almost done, I've got a bunch of final projects that I don't have the wingers to complete. At least the worst is over, I've write my script and my anthro paper (literally wrote that the morning it was due lol). All I have to do is present. My actors don't do my script justice, it's a shame. It's been impossible to get me out of bed. I just lie there. I had to go in at 9 instead of 10 on Thursday, so I set my alarm for 7. Usually I'm pretty good at getting up at the first or second alarm. Not this time. Didn't get out of bed till 8. My body has been just "nope" all week. Hopefully I'll be better next week, ain't that just the way~

So Dan texted me happy birthday, and I ignored it like I always do, but last night I texted him back and ended up just telling him we can't talk ever again. He only ever sent a text here and there, and we've always been really understanding ever since the breakup, but I guess I decided that I'm getting older and have to learn when to say when. I have my own life now, a life that doesn't include him and maybe it made me sound cruel but even just those little "hey how are you"'s and "happy ___"'s from him are just not something I want popping up in my new life. I think the worst part about it was how much he understood and didn't blame me for it. He really has always been so kind, and I guess I felt like maybe after how much I've pushed him out and now this final cutting of the ties... I guess I feel like maybe I didn't deserve his understanding.

Just girls bein girls

My new diary, she’s thicc ✏👌

Head first, into the abyss!