smASHing

I desperately need advice. A year and a half ago my dad died. He had cancer. I had to watch him take his last breath and die right before my eyes. I was very close with God before he died but I haven't prayed since the day he died. I've been asked a year and a half later to fulfill my dreams as a missionary full time. But I'm terrified to say yes because I'm so hurt but I don't want to lose the amazing opportunity before me. I miss Him but It's so hard to start over. How do let myself say yes?

Beloved, I am overwhelmed with grief for you. The shadow of the valley of death is a dark one and it stretches long past what we think it will, I am in fact going to a funeral tomorrow for my dear friend’s child’s burial.Death is so cruel, it robs us of memories and loved ones. It reminds us daily of how little power we have, and it plants in us a longing that will only be fully satisfied when we are reunited with Christ.I understand your hesitation and pain, I want you to know that you are seen, known, and heard.The thing with grief is that we are desperately novice in knowing how to mourn, it is something that is never talked about or even encouraged. It’s sad really because mourning is such a growing experience, it teaches us how to view life differently and sets in our hearts what’s truly important. The grieving process (Done right) sets our mind on heavenly things, it should let us know that our path is not the here and now, it is eternity and the fullness of life to come.In our sorrow of losing someone we love, we have to look to Christ, in fact, we must look to God himself. For he knows the pain of loss, he knows the burden and heaviness that comes when we deal with death. That is the beauty and grace of Jesus, that he is a God who suffers WITH us.Death is not eternal. It is temporary, and that is something that is very hard to grasp, but when we see the promises of God and know that death was not the original plan for us, then we see the hope of Christ. He is making all things new.If this is true, then we must let others know! My friend, I pray that you see your father again, but I also pray that you see the promise that our heavenly Father has for us. This journey is not over, we will lose much more in our lives, but the good news is that we will regain them all once again. May our hope be in Jesus, not our pain or sorrow, but rather in the joy that comes through that grief.I think about all the people in my life who I have lost, I think about my own parents who are aging and that I know will pass away. I think of it all, but I meditate on the sweetness of Christ’s presence through it. How wonderful it is to know that we do not have to carry the weight of death alone, that Jesus tells us “I have finished it, and I am with you, even to the ends of the earth.”Beloved, your pain is valid. It is welcomed. It is a process that marks a new a different chapter in your life, may it not keep you from accepting the love that God seeks to pour. May you heal and grow from this so that you can do mighty things for the Kingdom of heaven. For it is this message we must tell a suffering world, that we are not alone in this, that death is not the final chapter.You are loved, you are known, and you are never alone in your sorrow.-T.B. LaBerge