When you work at Lush and customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese

this happens way more frequently than you think, i assure you

Well if you frickers stopped literally presenting soap as deli food maybe it wouldnt happen?

who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese

who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese

“I meant go, not scat.”

Can I come?

A nurse from Wyckoff Medical Center in Brooklyn.

The Banana duck, native to Haiti and Venezuela, is appeeling for its bright yellow skin and long bill.

That’s a banana.

That’s what the government wants you to believe.

different people see different possibilities

Honestly my first thought was I could just sit down when I’m tired walking cuz I’m lazy.

Imagine getting in an argument with someone and you tell them to “have a seat” and they just…

Imagine giving this to retail and fast food workers

hide this under your pants and make people think you can just sit on air effortlessly

i like the sistine chapel ceiling a lot better now that i know it was painted by a gay man who was motivated entirely by spite

Wait… whaaaaaaaaat? Where can I find the story behind this?!

Lol, here’s how my art teacher explained it:

The pope went to an artist, saying “We want you to paint the Sistine Chapel”. 

At the time, one did not simply say “No” to the fucking Pope. But this artist really didn’t fucking want to do it. So, clever little cookie goes “Dude I’d love to, but I’m unworthy of such an honor! You know who’s an even better painter? Fucking Michelangelo! Go check him out!” 

So, the Pope trots his little ass over to see Michelangelo and straight up tells him “I want you to paint the Sistine Chapel, and what’s his face said you’re the fucking best in the whole wide world.”

Now, Michelangelo, is one of the few people who would genuinely have been sassy enough to tell the Pope to go fuck himself. Besides, his true passion lies in sculpture, not in painting. Don’t get me wrong, he’s good at it, but he likes sculpting more. And just like the clever cookie artist, he knows that painting the Sistine Chapel is going to be a bitch. But he said yes. Why, you ask?

Pride.

If he turned the pope down, it would be as good as saying he actually wasn’t the bestest in the whole wide world and like fuck he was going to let that stand! So, he spent the next several years painting the Sistine Chapel, bitching about it to anyone who would listen (seriously, the letters that he wrote are fucking gold!), and attaining new levels of pettiness never before seen! 

There are cherubs doing hand signs that were (at the time) the equivalent of flipping the bird. He painted a great big picture of the gates of hell right behind where the Pope’s chair would sit! And so much more!

Michelangelo had exactly zero shits to give by the time he was done painting that fucker.

someone post the letters & cherubs

Those are the cherubs, and in the second picture there are the gates of hell.

The guy on the right, the one with the snake biting his private parts, is actually a cardinal that was angry at Michelangelo!

And, just so you know, all the people in the picture were painted naked. Then, after Michelangelo’s death, the pope listened to the cardinal and he asked to a painter to add the clothes.

ALSO; The skin of Saint Bartholemew has Michealangelo’s face on it because he felt as though he was being skinned alive because painting the chapel was such a BITCH

this man was every level of gay pettiness oh my goodness

none pizza with left beef

It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef

ive missed you

#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)

I love None Pizza with Left Beef.

3th time i’ve reblogged this

3th

tumblr people love this. reddit people love this. 4chan scum loves this. there is just something intrinsically hilarious about none pizza with left beef. bless 

I hope this never dies. I hope None Pizza with Left Beef will go down in Internet history alongside such legends as the Rickroll and He-Man’s rendition of “What’s Going On”.

Our God Has Returned

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT

(The corsets pictured are genuine historical garments from the collections of the Met Museum and the Victoria and Albert Museum)

MLA: Star-anise. “THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.” What are our ways of being true to each other, 20 Dec 2018, 1:39am. http://star-anise.tumblr.com/post/181265156844/thank-you-and-goodnight-the-corsets-pictured-are

FUCKING THIS.

As a rennaisance faire employee, thank you

@amarguerite

Meet Pickles, aka “Catosaurus.” He was rescued in Boston and he’s over 3 feet long.

BIG BOY

Straight people are going on Grindr to make gay best friends

It might seem strange for heterosexual men and women to use one of the largest gay dating apps out there, but many have turned to the app for something other than sex: platonic friendship. Perhaps unsurprisingly, some gay men are not happy about this. Why one straight woman designated herself as a “twink” instead of a “jock.”

Follow @this-is-life-actually

???????????????????

why are straight people like this.

Lmao tho…

gays: this app isn’t for you’ll 

Str8s:

I like to imagine one person got interviewed after his girlfriend caught him with Grindr and was like “babe I’m looking for a gay best friend” and she was like “that’d make an interesting article” and the lie went too far

A stupid theory that makes no sense. Why so pink White?

OP?????

O P ??????????

O. Oh my g

OP HOLY SHIT

OP YOUR THIRD EYE??

This is better than any romantic comedy Hollywood could ever put out.