I find the fact that the closest mountain point on earth to the moon, the highest mountain and the tallest mountain are 3 different mountains to be a tiny bit disturbing
Explain
The world's highest mountain is the most beloved, it is mount everest, the mountain that's farthest from sea level. If you connected the other two to everest by a slide and put a ball on everest, it will slide down to the other two (in a frictionless perfect world)
The world's tallest mountain is mauna kea, it's almost 4000 feet taller than everest if you measure from base to top, most of it is underwater though
The world's closest mountain to the stars is mount Chimborazo, it is both shorter and less high than the other two, but it is closer to the equator, so the bulge of earth makes it ever so slightly farther from the center, so it is closer to the stars
So yeah, 3 ways to measure, 3 results
Earth is weird
fragmented, yet flawless
Merry Christmas to John Cena
the best thing you can get the man
girlbulge is such a choice look i really wish it was more normalized
No offense to the droves of nsfw blogs reblogging this, but this was actually not meant to be a horny post. Let trans women exist in public spaces in their natural bodies without having to tuck or take other uncomfortable measures. I deserve to be able to wear tight clothes or go to the beach without having to be uncomfortable or in straight up pain from tucking just because some fragile cis people might think it’s some kind of perverted sexual display if there’s any sign of a bulge. So again, girlbulge is a choice look and I really wish it was more normalized and not seen as something inherently sexual, because it’s literally just how our bodies look in certain clothes.
got my first terf shitstain in the notes throwing a tantrum about this which is part of why i think it’s so important to normalize it. people being driven to seething rage at the mere thought of having to see a little bump under someone’s clothing is not fucking healthy! trans people deserve better than to be treated that way! i should be able to safely wear what i want without having to worry that my body is gonna send someone into a complete fucking rage!
Girls with big breasts 🤝 Girls with bulge
Being sexualized for having a body
im girls with big butts and it fucking sucks i legit hate being caked it gets me nothing but harassed. i get cat called constantly and i fucking hate it.
leave women with bulges alone. it’s not going to jump out and fucking kill you. it’s literally not your business. if it bothers you, stop looking and immediately go do something else instead. don’t make it the woman’s problem that you can’t handle human bodies.
being an archaeologist in tumblr is so funny because I see so many text posts and go. Imperialism pre-dates capitalism. Rebellion against empires pre-dates capitalism. Money pre-dates capitalism. Social inequality pre-dates capitalism. Misogyny pre-dates capitalism. Wealth inequality pre-dates capitalism. Unilateral rule by oppressive rulers pre-dates capitalism. People’s dependence on their job for their survival pre-dates capitalism. Capitalism as an economic system is about 200-250 years old max but these problems are much, much older, and capitalism supports, entrenches, or exacerbates many of these problems… doesn’t mean it invented them and doesn’t mean they will simply cease to be problems After Capitalism.
Gettin' Through the Holidays Mental Health Tricks
If y'all are anything like me, this time of year is triggering AF. Here are some small, very easy grounding exercises that I was taught by my therapist, basically in order of how much I like them for this rage-inducing season. You make like them in a different order, depending on your rage-to-despair ratio.
- Push a wall: literally go up to a wall and try to push it over. Really try. I promise you won't push it over, but give it your best shot. Try to hold it as long as you can, and then take a breather and assess whether you need to repeat. Why it works: This is a quick, physical expulsion of the fight-or-flight feeling. It's a bit like punching a wall, but without the potential to hurt yourself/look scary/damage things. You can even do it in front of people and say you're stretching, they'll never know (unless the wall actually falls down, but this will not happen, I assure you).
- Shake like a dog: Animals shake to release stress, and you are also an animal. Setting aside time to just shake it out, as vigorously as you can, arms and legs, face, stick your tongue out, pretend you're shaking like a wet dog. You can dance instead, if that feels better, and you can do this to music, but basically the more unhinged you can be, the better. If you are in a place you can scream, scream too! Why it works: like the above, this is a release of pent-up stress and anxiety. Especially if your rage-to-woe ratio is high, some kind of physical exertion is often the best way to burn through the cortisol and adrenaline you're building up.
- Bilateral Tapping: Cross your arms over your chest so that your fingertips are at your shoulders, and slowly tap, one hand at a time, back and forth, for about a minute. Breathe slowly. Why it works: This is weird as hell, but because this engages both sides of your brain, it helps override the activity of the amygdala, which is the part of your brain that Makes The Fear. If you're being literally triggered in a situation, i.e. you're having a trauma response, or reliving some family trauma, this is a good one.
- Box Breathing: From a comfortable position (can really be seated, laying down or standing), inhale slowly for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, then repeat. You can do it for shorter counts or longer counts, but if you vary the counts make sure the exhale is longer than the inhale. You can close your eyes or leave them open. Why it works: This exercise helps you move from a sympathetic (activated) nervous system response to a parasympathetic (balanced) response. I do this one every day, and it's a good gateway to meditation. Especially helpful in anxious or tense situations, but I find if I'm very triggered I need one of the other ones first, or it can make anxiety worse. Breathwork is amazing but not usually as a first exercise if you're very activated, or have been activated a long time.
- Ice: Lots of ways to do this one – hands in cold water for 30 seconds, ice pack on the back of your neck, dip your entire face into a bowl of ice water (this one's the most effective). Why it works: I kinda think this is hilarious, but this activates your mammalian dive reflex. It immediately slows your heart-rate, so if you are feeling your blood pressure and heart rate rising, this one is very good. The only reason this one's at the bottom of my list is because I hate being cold.
I wish you all a very get-through-the-holidays-without-hurting-yourself. Take time alone if you need it.
David: I think the one picture I have of us up on the wall is the one where I had the dress on. Gillian: I love that picture. David: Yeah. Gillian: And I'm holding you up. David: Exactly. Gillian: Yeah. I love that picture. (Fail Better podcast, 11/12/2024)
📸 David Duchovny & Gillian Anderson photographed by Mark Seliger, 1997
went to the nurse and i was like i need a period product. and they go. we are in the male ward. and I'm like i have a uterus. and they process it so slowly and they're like. do. do. you want a yorkie bar. will this help with the gender dysphoria. and i'm like ...you know what. sure.
context for all my non-UK followers.
Sound on to hear a kid being very excited about nature (no screaming), a dad being a good dad, and most importantly how quiet an owl flies.
Because you've probably heard about how an owl's feathers have evolved for silent flying, but it doesn't sink in until you "hear" an owl fly for yourself.
ever think about john boyega, daisy ridley, and oscar isaac’s collective enthusiasm during the force awakens era and then by rise of skywalker they were dead inside and never want to look at star wars again. makes me want to commit a violence.
Never forget how Isaacs went from begging for Poe’s homeworld to be Yavin 4 and then off-handedly saying he’d only do another Star Wars film if he needed the money barely five years later.
very controversial opinion here, but sometimes customer service workers are the problem 😶
no, you shouldn't be expected to be polite to customers because they're customers. you should be expected to be polite to customers because they are people
like, a person with a stutter trying to order or an old lady asking you for help with a chair is not rude customer behavior. you are not excused for being nasty to them because you work in customer service
Maybe being good at social media should not be the main qualifier for all creative work
Seeing the notes on this talk about all the other careers that I hadn't even considered being affected by this is just depressing. What do you mean you need to be Instagram famous to have a career as a hairdresser?
Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,
- Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.
- OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg
- Ok.
- I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them
- A hotel
- An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away
- A perscription refilled from 2 states away
- and A Pizza
- Go me.
- But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.
- So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards
- #nailedit
- It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.
- it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.
- by the way
- it is already
- over 100 out
- it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone
- when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.
- he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.
- He'll be fine
- He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.
- but
- more to the point
- i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside
- has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??
- And
- I got other shit to do today.
- namely.
- I'm seeing a realator
- The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons
- I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her
- at least
- I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"
- With the time typed in the middle like that.
- She is, according to her profile, at least 80.
- so I reply "😎👍"
- and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.
- She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms
- It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.
- in emoji
- instead of like
- literally any other format
- I am
- FASCINATED
- and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.
Update:
- It's not fairies
- It's Doris.
- might be about to get a sewing machine and/or start an ACAB riot.
Ok, so:
- I'm going to see a prospective house because due to various circumstances, I'm probably going to be moving to the other side of a major metropolitan area in the next few months, but that's not important.
- I get to the house
- I get a text from the realtor
- The realtor is not the person who has been texting me in emoji
- The person texting me in emoji is the homeowner, who the realtor says will let me in if I want, she's running late.
- Sure
- Why not
- I put Herschel on leash and go to the front door
- As much crime as he commits at home Herschel The Hanukkah Goblin has terrific public manners, and is Very Cute so I'm about 90% sure the emoji fairy is going to let me take him through the house
- Door opens.
- 90-something blue haired old lady with a spine like a question mark and glasses that could be used as telescope lenses opens the door.
- "OH [Gallus]! How lovely to see you!"
- This woman clearly knows me because she remembers my anniversary was last week and that my sister is back from Australia.
- Problem is
- I know about 500 geriatric ladies with blue hair, scoliosis and extreme prescription glasses, because I am a member of 2 quilt guilds, the scientific illustration guild, the rocky mountain SCA and stagehand for three different theater companies, so I know everyone's grandma and fuck me if I can tell them apart.
- Wait
- There's a quilt in thekitchen, visible front hall
- I don't know faces but apparently I can recognize applique techniques at 40paces.
- "...Doris? From SAQA?"
- "YES! Who is this handsome little man?"
- Herschel speaks enough English to know that "handsome little man" means "this person will feed me milk bones and bacon if I'm cute enough"
- Immediately does a Sit Pretty and Shake.
- Doris is bewitched
- This is fine, but I also know I'm about to severely disappoint the realtor because there is no way in hell I'm moving into this House.
- Because
- The reason Doris is moving out is that her neighbor is a Cunt Magnifique and has been harassing Doris and everyone else to form an HOA and "improve the quality of our residents" because this woman has nothing better to do than be a racist-ass busy body, and recently, she's set her husband, a county sheriff on Doris, trying to bully her into signing paperwork and threatening her with legal action and writing her up for bullshit property violations
- Ain't putting up with that shit
- And neither is Doris, so she's selling all her shit and moving out to live with her grandchildren in Santa Monica.
- But she's technologically impaired, so the only indication that there is an estate sale happening is a small paper sign in her front yard.
- "Doris." I say, as Herschel makes himself comfortable on the couch for belly rubs and pieces of ham. "Did you tell SAQA or FRCC or anyone on Facebook that you're having the sale?"
- "oh, I don't know how to do all that!" She sighs. "I tried to call the Denver post but they just put me on hold for ages..."
- "Watch Herschel for 20 minutes and he's only allowed to have that one piece of ham."
- Pics of everything
- Address, time and pics to Facebook, both quilt guilds she's in, two more I have contacts for, nextdoor, and the local SCA discord for good measure.
- It's 12 minutes and Herschel persuaded her to give him at least three pieces of ham.
- He is petitioning for a fourth by doing a little puppy dance on the living room rug.
- "OK, that's enough ham, people will be here in 10. Where is your cash box?"
- Because apparently I'm running an estate sale today too.
- It's fine :)
- There's about 7 minutes of quiet.
- Then
- They DESCEND
- The first on the scene is DeeDee, who doesn't believe in speed limits. She's arrived with a horse trailer. I remember that she is also moving.
- "HI DORIS SWEETHEART WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS TODAY I WAS GOING TO TAKE ALL THIS TO THE GOODWILL HERE LET ME SET UP ON YOUR LAWN "
- DeeDee is 73, and has a special spiritual bond with Hello Kitty. She weighs like 98lbs, dresses exclusively in neon pink sanrio clothes and the kind of eye makeup drag queens aspire to.
- She also speaks non-stop at a volume normally associated with jet engines.
- Half the horse trailer is already spread out on the lawn.
- Doris is putting price stickers on stuff
- Herschel is trying to tear open a bag of cotton batting.
- This, and the arrival of approximately 56 minivans, five more trucks with horse trailers and Corgi Excitement Screaming alert Cunt Magnifique that something is happening outside.
- Madame saunters off her porch up to Doris and Demands to know what's happening, you're supposed to notify the neighborhood and get a permit to-"
- Doris, surrounded by her pack of silver wolves, shouts. "OH HELLO! EVERYONE, THIS IS MARCIA. I'VE TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT MARCIA." >:)c
... further details in a bit I think the Vikings are here.
OK so.
- You know those high school house parties you see in movies, where the person invites only a few friends, but those friends call their friends, and those friends call THEIR friends and soon like 500 people show up to one house and someone calls the cops and that one John Mulaney sketch with "SCATTER!" happens?
- Old people will 100% do this too, except instead of a house party it's an estate sale on a wednesday afternoon and when the cop shows up there are lawyers present and he is in DEEP SHIT because his wife just spent the afternoon admitting to doing a bunch of wildly illegal shit on tape.
- So when we left off, the party had really started getting underway, because Marcia the Cunt Magnifique had decided to crash the estate sale and whine about "we're supposed to coordinate garage sales as a neighborhood" and "your friends are blocking traffic on this cul-de-sac while nobody is home" weh weh-
- DeeDee is about ready to throw hands but she is nowhere near the most dangerous of the Silver Silver Wolves.
- That's Dr. Ruth.
- Dr. Ruth turned 99 this year and went paragliding for her birthday
- So you understand just how hard she goes
- Dr. Ruth sort of hobbles over and point-blank asks "So I understand you've been trying to start a homeowner's association?" :3c
- Marcia
- Entirely misunderstanding how much danger she's in
- Starts enumerating the TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS of trying to start one, because SOME PEOPLE DON'T RESPECT AUTHORITY and all the paperwork and talking to people and she even had to ask HER HUSBAND. A SHERRIF. To go around and hand people stuff to sign.
- Some people, right?
- Dr. Ruth nods. Some people. She agrees.
- You know.
- Her son is a lawyer.
- Why doesn't she give him a call?
- Marcia, a Moron: Oh that'd be great!
- Dr. Ruth, hobbling back to Doris: "Don't worry. David will handle this."
- Meanwhile
- The Friends-Of-Friends and the Friends-Of-Friends-Of-Friends are arriving, lured in because they heard the words "Longarm Sewing Machine" and "Hand-made quilts"
- Various factions present include but are far from limited to: -Probably Six Quilt Guilds -The Denver Art League -The Denver Leather League -The Vikings -The Klingons -The Colorado Wild Game Share -A Pack of Scientific Illustrators -A Pack of Assorted Scientists they brought with them -The Sheep Lesbians -The Horse Lesbians -Three Extremely Competent Finnish People (My Scientific Illustration Professor and her sisters) who immediately take over the estate sale and turn it into an auction to maximize profit and keep the taxes in order.
- Someone brings two additional Corgi called "Cap" and "Bucky"
- They are Pembroke Corgi, and weigh about 21lbs apiece
- Herschel is a Cardigan Welsh Corgi and weighs 42lbs because he's hug even for a Cardigan, and is Delighted with his New Minions.
- They worship him as a God and follow him around so every time he sticks his face in something two smaller corgi faces immediately follow, like some kind of adorable cerberus.
- Pelts and meat shares are being traded out of the backs of trucks and vans
- Someone is making bratwurst.
- Intrigued by the Brouhaha, Doris' neighbors emerge.
- They are also Geriatric and very nervous, because Marcia has been harassing them too.
- They are telling this to the members of these factions that are also lawyers.
- There are at least 5 of them so far and David isn't even here yet.
- I realize my realtor isn't even here.
- I decide to text her.
- She is somewhere in the crowd and having a nervous breakdown because She's SO LATE!!!
- Ma'am.
- It's 103 out.
- I was just handed a freshly grilled Brat
- Some bitch is incriminating herself on the lawn.
- Nothing scheduled is happening.
- Come sit in the yard and watch the Corgis play on the Palyskool plastic slide set. They're disassembling it like tiny furry engineers.
- Have a bratwurst.
- One of the Klingons appears, having physically carried my realtor through the crowd, and gently deposits her on the lawn before handing her a Bratwurst.
- Diane, the Realtor, is not much older than I am, and from the preppie swaths of society that has "Never had a dog growing up" and "Didn't Know People Could Just. Make. Blankets?" and "What is this? It's like a hot dog but spicy?"
- She is having a LEARNING EXPERIENCE.
- One of the Horse Lesbians comes over and compliments Diane on her Dior handbag.
- Diane thanks her ans compliments the apparently expensive brand scarf she has on. Do you. Know all these people?
- Horse Lesbian explains that she's part of the SCA, and what that is, and that why yes. Her girlfriend Tasha is an armorer. Yes like for knights.
- More Livestock Lesbians assemble.
- They are pulling off shirts to show off livestock and battle scars, and biceps.
- Diane is LEARNING A LOT TODAY.
- I am just getting everyone's contact info and making sure Herschel does not consume his weight in bratwurst.
- BWOOP!
- Uh-Oh.
- Marcia's Husband is here.
- I step out front.
- He has used the siren to largely part the crowd and pull into his driveway but it has closed around him and there is No Escape.
- He starts huffing and puffing about blocked traffic and permits and the like, but this is not his usual Can-Bully-Without-Consequences crowd.
- These are Grandmas.
- Veterans of the 60's protest front who never let up.
- He's starting to turn bright red and looks like he's about to cry and I've got my phone out to record whatever Incident is about to occur.
- -And a Mercedes pulls up.
- It's David.
- Dr. Ruth's son.
- The Lawyer.
- And I emphasize that The because David is not some mere ambulance chaser.
- David is the guy that the state sends to prosecute Corporate Fraud and Organized Crime and Other State Departments.
- David was part of the team that took down the CO Branch of the KKK.
- David is all of 5'4", very round and a balding little man that looks like the Dictonary Definition of "Nebbish" that moves with such intense confidence and authority that he pretty much has the Pillar Men Theme Blasting behind him at all times.
- So when he and three other lawyers from the state's office step out of the car
- Mr. Sherrif goes from red to while like color-changing octopus and I am like 50% sure he shit himself.
- Because what he and Marcia have been doing is Very, Very, Very, VERY, Fucking Illegal.
- "mArCiA!" he garbles. "sHuT tHe fUcK uP!"
- Marcia is standing in the middle of the cul-de-sac, having spent the last 3 hours recounting to anyone who will listen about the 'measures she's had to take' and now the 5 lawyers that were here are delightedly handing over the paperwork that she had forced on Doris and her Neighbors, and pointing at all the doorbell cameras and witnesses out to the state's top prosecutor.
- Friends
- I ugly laughed.
- FOUR HOURS LATER: -Auction wrapped up with a solid $40K to Doris' name plus pending sales on some of her larger furniture and antiques
- Plus whatever David gets in damages from the county sherrif's office.
- Marcia and husband are fucking busted
- Herschel spent all afternoon running around and eating snacks and is passed out on the floor
- Diane is "meeting up with" one of the Horse Lesbians next week.
- The sewing machine went to someone else but I did open my purse and found out Doris or someone shoved a bunch of cash in there.
- I'm getting ice dream and going to bed.
Not to make this monster even longer, but I slept, and can answer a few questions:
- Dog Tax:
Little Ham Man himself.
2. What was Illegal about what Officer and Mrs. Cunt Magnifique did?/If they're hosed, are you moving in?/Does Doris still have to move out?
I don't know all the details, but Officer Magnifique was going door-to-door, in uniform and armed, telling his neighbors they had to sign this paperwork or there would be legal consequences, which is pretty textbook coercion and abuse of office. Also If I understood the summary someone told me while I was dying of heat exhaustion, the actual legal setup they were trying to push was some shady land-ownership/tax evasion nonsense too.
But also. All of this happened YESTERDAY. Charges aren't files (tho they are definitely coming) let alone the trial held/conviction/payout or other consequences, so they could still be living there and involved in active litigation for like. A year. And it's an unfortunate truth that living near a cop that's having a meltdown is a great way to get shot.
So No. I'm not moving in there.
Also, Doris originally brought up the idea of moving because of them, but she is also very close to her granddaughter and they both want her to move out there.
3. You live like this/How do I get a life like that?
The process is fairly simple, but takes a lot of work. It goes like this
- Go Outside. And do things. In person.
- Specifically, go join a bunch of organizations that are relevant to your interests, and keep showing up to/participating in those events.
- People will notice and remember you. They will notice and remember you faster if you're like 40 years younger than them and have purple hair but I digress. They will come over and say hi. You say hi back, and talk about your mutual interest. Also listen to what they have to say about your mutual interest.
- GET AND SAVE THEIR CONTACT INFORMATION, THEN GIVE YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION. Everyone you meet. It's actually great to print out business cards with your contact info and hand them out. When saving contact info, I make a note in my contacts about name/where I met them/who introduced us/any random fact they divulged because I have the memory of a sieve.
- Introduce all your new friends to each other, and invite them to any event you think might even vaguely be within their interests. Even if they can't come, it's nice to be thought of. They will also invite YOU to things and the rule is: UNLESS YOU ARE ILL, GENUINELY BROKE OR ALREADY HAD PLANS, SAY YES. Even the "broke" bit is flexible because if you're making friends with Boomers you can say "Hm. I'd love to, but that's not within my budget" and there's a good chance one of them will pay for your ticket anyway. Go to these things, and enjoy yourself.
- Eventually, you will know approximately a fucktillion people in a bazillion fields, and in an emergency, you can make 2 phone calls and a facebook post and summon the hordes. You will also be constantly invited on Adventures.
- Congrats, you've made your life mad complicated and dramatic but very, very fun.
4. Are. Are you alright OP?
LMAO.
Things will probably calm down by Tuesday Afternoon, but until then I'm gonna be running on all cylinders until the wheels fall off. If you want to contribute to my "Stress Ice Cream/Herschel's Special Little Ham Boy Fund" You can Donate to my Ko-Fi, and if you want more stories, check out the #Family Lore tag on this blog, or head over to my Patreon for additional stories/to pre-order the book I'm writing about my and my ancestor's lives because this shit runs like rivers on both sides of my family.
5. Were you wearing the Cryptid Booty shorts for this?/Where did you get them?
They were a bespoke Wedding Gift from @theshitpostcalligrapher but you can always make your own with a pair of shorts and some fabric paint. My beloved Husbeast has a matching neon pink pair that say "BARD".
there are two punchlines here, the first is predictable, the second really surprises you