April, Yelena decides a few days in, is the cruelest month. Every day brings something different, but not in the way she’s come to enjoy; a melancholia has gripped the Americans, who have taken to always complaining about gray skies and taxes and upcoming mayoral elections. It is always something with them, and the mood spreads through New York City like a contagion. The weather is Yelena’s least favorite part. The sun can’t decide if it wants to show its face, always peeking out from behind the clouds then disappearing again. A constant stickiness clings to her skin, the humidity thick and tacky, especially when it rains. Worst of all, she discovers, is the mud.

• Pairing: Yelena Belova/Kate Bishop
• Rating: M
• Word Count: 3,500
• Chapter: Six

The next morning after breakfast she goes to one of the gyms. It's small, the room designed specifically to facilitate training new drifting partners. She's ready herself, loose sweats and a standard issue tank top. But they'd still spent the night apart, so there is just a small part of Yelena that’s afraid that despite their talk Kate will ultimately decide she can do better. She feels relieved when the door slides open and in walks Kate Bishop, also wearing clothes to train in. When Kate catches sight of her (immediately) she grins, and Yelena feels herself pulled into a smile too. “Kate Bishop.” She says, drawing her name out in greeting. “Hey!” Kate says, walking up to her, ponytail swaying behind her. “I'm — good morning.” She says, instead of whatever she was going to first say. “So, what're we learning today?” Kate asks, stepping closer to Yelena.

For as far back as she can remember, grief is the most prominent emotion Yelena has dealt with.  She’s grieved before she even really knew what that meant. She grieved for the loss of the life she once had. The idyllic childhood that felt real to her despite the truth.  The parents she loved that were never her true parents at all. The sister she adored that found a way to escape without her. She grieves the lives she took when her body and mind weren’t her own. She’s grieved the widows she was too late to save and the ones she had to put down when they wouldn't stop.  She grieved her sister, who she found again after so many years of building her up in her mind, only to realize those visions paled in comparison to the real thing.  She’s even grieved the hundreds of lives she thinks she could have lived if given any sort of chance to be normal.  Yelena has lost so much, everything - even things she managed to find again.  This though, this feeling in the pit of her stomach right now is something new - something dark and twisted. It makes her feel sick, it makes her angry. It makes her want to find a way to turn off her emotions again if only for a few minutes of relief.  Because Kate Bishop is alive, but she also isn’t. She knows it was her, even if she only saw part of her face and a flicker of her eyes - she knows.  Except, it wasn't Kate Bishop - not really. The girl she saw was empty, she was lifeless and emotionless and the exact opposite of everything that drew Yelena to her.