hmmm

You BEHEAD Marie Antoinette?

you CHOP her head like the GUILLOTINE??

OH OH CHAOS FOR FRANCE! CHAOS FOR FRANCE FOR 1000 YEARS!!!!

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”

Oops I made another quiz because I’m a geologist and I’m going to make that everyone else’s problem! Anyways, find out which rock are you!

@navigatorsnorth

futbol heritage

i’ve started replacing “i want to die” with “i feel overwhelmed” in my internal monologue, which is usually more accurate and more productive

ive been working on replacing ‘im so stupid’ with ‘im so silly’ and it has the same effect!

“I can’t do this” -> This will be a challenge for me, it’s normal to feel intimidated

“I hate this” -> This is a tough situation to handle and I’m doing my best

“I hate myself” -> I’m struggling with low self esteem right now, I need to support myself as I would a friend

“I can’t believe I forgot again” -> It’s tough to balance so many things, maybe I need to let go of some of them

“They’re not going to like me” -> I don’t have to perform for anyone, my personality is valid and loveable just as is

The list could go on and on…

Redirecting the “blame” from yourself and recognizing that you are a human suffering through normal, difficult human experiences is important. Support yourself like you’d support any of your close friends if they said these things.

I can’t tell you how delighted I am to see Actual Scripted Examples!

I’ve known I need to modify my self-talk like this for three+ years, and I’ve been trying for that long, but I never know what to replace it with. So the examples are super incredibly helpful, thank you so much. ~<333

I find huge value in “I hate this,” but only if accurately applied. “I’m doing my best” is usually more appropriate, but sometimes it’s liberating to realize that the benefits do not outweigh the effort and that I genuinely do hate an experience. It opens my mind to finding an exit.

Self-directed "You idiot" gradually became "You dingbat" which became "You dinglehopper" and now whenever I make silly mistakes I call myself a fork.

Can we talk about posters that Kjetil Nystuen created for the Long Dark?

I can't stop looking at them. (Low res versions; use the link above to view in the artist's portfolio).

little do my friends know but when i send them funnie post i am also telling them i love them and giving them a kiss on the cheek dont tell them tho

So to make sure I understand correctly, before the crash, the lineup was like this:

And then Masi is claiming he thought this would be boring, and so *bent the rules for a select few* so that it ended up like this???

Basically!

Well that's bullshit!! And my coworker says that Masi Kirked the Formula 1 Maru.

So to make sure I understand correctly, before the crash, the lineup was like this:

And then Masi is claiming he thought this would be boring, and so *bent the rules for a select few* so that it ended up like this???

the Gemini urge to eat shit and die

The cancer urge to keep it safe

the taurus urge to keep your eyes shut

the aries urge to give in

Reblog if you're a Millennian and do not ever want to be taught anything unless you told it on the cell phone

reblog if this is the first time you’ve heard of this movie

reblog if this is the second time you’ve heard about this movie because the first time it was a friend warning you about the graphic rape scene that’s shown twice.

A meme compilation, theme: emails and how they found you

Part 2

Part 3

@jlf23tumble

my body, tearfully: when sleep???

me: my dude we just woke up!! It’s time for wakefulness and doing things and Productivity

my body, weeping: but???? when sleep?????

me: okay, finally now is sleep

my body: no. wrong.