Bomb Ass Vamp Draws

guys i heard the whole earth exploded

april fools. that didnt happen

I can explain this one!

I’m not sure about other regions and this is not AS common as it was until the 80s or so, but over here in Latin America, some people like to name their children after historical figures or celebrities. Like, when I was a kid, you’d see a few guys named Washington. I’ve met a few Julio César-s as well. An interesting example is that a lot of parents named their sons after Michael Jackson during the height of his fame, but since the written form of Michael is pronounced mee-shah-ehl in Portuguese, they changed the spelling so it’d be pronounced more closely to how it is in English. So you’ll met a lot of Brazilian guys named Maicon.

Anyway. Sometimes people from more humble backgrounds who didn’t have a lot of knowledge about history or world politics just picked random names they heard in the news or read in newspapers without knowing who the person in question was under the assumption that, if they were being talked about in such places, they probably were very notorious people. And sometimes they would pick names of people who were indeed, pretty notorious but… not for very good reasons.

Case in point: this very unfortunately named police chief.

our father who art in heaven. i mean they.

i literally feel like im going to be sick trying not to laugh at this at my desk like i feel faint

the smuckling smumbler

Dio Brando is such a world class hater it's insane. Kid hated his adoptive brother so much he decided to make it his whole family tree's problem. Haunted an entire gene pool for over a century just cause his punk brother got in the way of his inheritence. It took a temporal armageddon and a full world reboot just to scrub away the consequences of his fuckin around and he still shows up as a cowboy weredinosaur to ruin everyone's day. A master class in causing problems on purpose.

Fucked up how humanity discovered electricity and radiation and made machines and learned to make airplanes and cured diseases and our takeaway isnt that "Some Magic Is Real And Here's Why", but that magic is fake this is big boy science and it's totally not magical

Me upon being isekaid to a fantasy world: you say you dont have magic but you conjured up that frog the other day whats with that

Wizard who spent decades mastering his craft, understands how and why it works, and processes it entirely as a regular part of his day to day life: did you just call creature conjuring magic

Works the other way around too in isekais.

that wizard: and you said you don't have magic in your world but there are lights that come on, that do not use candles or flames or emit any heat at all, the moment that you walk into a room? you don't even have to say anything?

me, squirming uncomfortably: for a while there an earlier version ran off of two claps

the wizard: an earlier version of what? the spell? the spell you use to make the lights come on?

someone do something

what do you suggest we do, user isopodgirldick?

forage the seafloor for bits of decaying organic matter to eat

oh you mean about the whales

Does this count as finding a walrus at your door?

Absolutely, and definitely less surprising than a fairy

Pulp sci-fi illustration by Italian artist, Aldo Di Gennaro (b. 1938).

This is probably the most culturally important thing I’ll ever seen in my lifetime if I’m being honest. I want this affixed over my mantle, embroidered into my denim, and emblazoned into my flesh so that generations to come may never forget this 1938 gem of an illustration. Put this on my gravestone and name my children after Alfo Di Gennaro. This is what it’s all about.

Artist was obviously a leg man, but I have never seen a female alien love interest designed as THIS alien before. She’s uniquely hairy, bugged-eyed, lines would indicate at least a partial exoskeleton, she has escaped being saddled with the mammories that a non-mammal being would not have, yet she’s got it bad for Space Force Leatherhead and he is so into her. I can practically hear his prose of her cabochon eyes of nebula violet, glowing with the passion to know and be known, in the starlight. The green of her body turning more vivid as discovery (and carnal knowledge) consume her conscious mind.

To suggest a red-blooded, human man could love Greedo’s cousin? Desire her??

This is fantastic, in every sense. How many lives did this change forever?

This goes so fucking hard holy shit please watch

No one ever tell me anything bad about the person who runs this account.

the person who runs this account, Katie Gouldin, is an evolutionary biologist who has an EXCELLENT podcast called Creature Feature which compares and contrasts the weird behaviors of man and beast! she is super cute and funny too!

oh thank GOD

just want to add i love how much she hates elon

are you actually more empathetic & considerate than all of your friends or did you grow up forced to cater to and mediate the emotions of adults & everyone else around you and now you’re hypervigilant & prone to fawning and holding people in your life to the standard of your trauma coping mechanisms—a standard you yourself shouldn’t be held to

Hey do you want to shoot me with a gun? It'll be less painful than me reading this

sorry best I can do is cast Spell of Painful Introspection and Gradual Healing

I can’t ever leave tumblr because I just love the tag function.. no other social media platform allows you to heckle yourself on your own post. you get to preemptively make metatextual commentary abt your OWN POST. how cool is that

What I love about this, though, is that the little nails will become an outline of where the water was. It will trace the shape, show someone later what was there once upon a time. It will be a testament to how much this guy wanted to capture the amazing things he saw and experienced, and though it will never truly keep it, it will hold a memory, something that in itself is beautiful and worthy of experience. We cannot describe the indescribable, but we can trace its outline, give some idea of what we experienced.

official linguistics post

There was a new LGBT+ acronym, and it was twig etc. (it had to be in lowercase for some reason). It stood for trans, Welsh, intersex, and gay. Everyone else was etc. It was very controversial.

Someone edit that dragon onto the pride flag

Donkey’s dragon wife from Shrek?

Yeah okay

Someone NEEDS to put her in the welsh flag

yeah that works too actually