lutang

lutang yata ako ngayon dahil naguguluhan ako siguro dahil nararamdaman ko yung takot na naransan ko noon na mabalewala at maisantabi hanggang sa mawala nalang yung naging kayo dati natatakot ako dahil sobrang sakit ng mga yan sa paligid ko puro mukha tititigan kita at mapapabuntong hininga magiisip ng wala ng blanko hanggang sa nalaglag nalang yung hawak ko n nagising yung diwa ko ng panandalian at bumalik nanaman sa pagiging ganito.

random

tinitignan ko sarilii ko sa salamin at napapaisip akong matagal iniisip ko ano bang bukmabagabag sayo bakit ganyan itsura mo? siguro may mga bagay na nasa isip ko na hindi dapat pero hindi maiwasan hindi ko alam tumatakbo sa isip mo ngayon pero natatakot ako na baka naisipan mo ng sumuko dahil nahihirapan ka na at iniisip ko anong gagawin ko kung tama mga nasa isip ko

I was an unappreciative Girlfiend who didn't see how much you love me I turned my back on you in your time of need. . I didn't keep you happy. I tried to control you instead of letting you control yourself. For this and much more I am truly sorry. None of this is your fault. I allowed this to happened "It's not you , It's me" Don't continue to blame yourself for what is going on, I started it and let it continue. I'm sorry I didn't mean to i love you you know that... You have given me so much love No one has ever loved me as you have, and probably never will. I have loved you more than I could believe I would ever love someone. I was very poor at showing it. I took for granted that you would always be there I want us to really work at it I have completely poured myself out to you in this. I don't know if it will help or if I am fighting a losing battle. But, I've got to try. I've got to fight. I've got to show you that I can be that jeyel again that you fell in love with . I can't promise I will give up fighting for you. I hate to hurt you, but I hate being apart from you even more. but i wish... all those words i say .. it'll not be just words

11:27pm thoughts (pacific time)

I am writing this because I need to get this off my chest Thinking about him, always him.... I cry and decide I should gather what little sense I have and keep well away from him But then I love him to the point where I question my own sanity. he always make me feel special with his early morning text saying "hey beautiful." And late night texts saying " sweet dreams" I might be ok but I'm not happy at all because here we are again fighting,arguing but all I really want to do is to tell him how much I'm in love with him . I never knew it took this little time to fall in love with , . I truly believe that he was the one, my epic love but I guess not every fairy tale has a happy ending or do they? If Only he can change that for me.. "I’m scared of how much I love you, I am scared that you aren’t the person I am in love with, I am scared you don’t love me as much as I love you, I am scared you are going to left me again, and I am scared of what it means to be trying with you" i'm so scared... I’ve been with him for just over a years ago This one is pretty much perfect. Kind,considerate, handsome, affectionate, generous, head over heels in lovewith me. So in love with me, that it scares me, And now I am unsure whether to keep it Unsure because the longer I am with him, the more in love with me heis, and all the while I am not sure if I will stay here.