and at her statement, a twinge of pain crosses his expression — not because it had directly hurt HIM, but because it hurt him to see her think such a thing about herself. if she hadn’t said something about it now, he likely wouldn’t have known, and the thought of that, alone, scared him. ❝ …oh. ❞ voice soft, a huffed breath falls betwixt pallid brims; nathan sitting forward in his place, free arm coming to rest atop his knees whilst the hand held by her own returned the tightened grasp, his thumb brushing the back of her hand gently.

❝ well, for the record ? you didn’t. ❞ gaze remaining locked on her, he lightly tugs her hand to rest atop his knee; free hand closing over the back of her own, giving a light squeeze. ❝ i mean, if anything, you made it better. you’ve been there for me to fall back on when i need it most —— you haven’t left me behind. ❞ corners of lips tugging into a smile, a soft laugh falls betwixt parted lips at how cheesy he sounds right now. ❝ —— i’m glad you’re here, ellie. really. i don’t think i’d be doing as well as i am without you.. and.. i’m sorry that you feel this way. ❞

she finally acknowledges his gaze after a couple short moments of silent deliberation, and she freezes at the warmth radiating from him, before her lips slightly curl upward to return the favor.  i appreciate you so much, she wants to say, you’re the reason i’m even trying, i’d never leave you behind.   but she chooses something less deep and less personal, and turns her face away with a snort, because in the end she’s convinced herself that fear is all she has to keep her completely stable.   ❛   heh ... it’s okay.   thanks for being here.   partner.   ❜

❛   i totally just saved your ass.   you and i both know you’d be dead if i didn’t help; a little gratitude isn’t too much to ask for.   ❜   //   hellbitched.

a part of him wanted to voice words of comfort towards her, and yet the other had opted for silence; preferring to simply comfort her in a silent gesture — lithe digits being intertwined with her own. considering she never pulled away either, he simply assumed that it helped; something he was glad for. yet it was the question he was suddenly faced with that had his attention turning towards her fully, his brows furrowing as he thought on it.

❝ —— yeah.. i do. going back, i mean.. ❞ he always thought about it, despite his best efforts not to. ❝ maybe someday we could ? ❞ so long as they stuck together — ❝ and i don’t know.. ❞ voice falling quiet, pale hues gaze towards her; brows arching slightly. ❝ do you think this was a mistake ? ❞

her brushes with times where things were stripped from her, her feelings of isolation; she can’t help but feel like she’s probably going to lose him, too.   it scares her, and she can’t even really bring herself to tell him.   her gaze refuses to meet his, but she feels his eyes scanning her complexion and hardens her shell a little more.    ❛   i can’t help but feel like... i kinda ruined your life a little.   ❜

HE’S  THE  GRIT - BONED  ATLAS,    borne  of  a  woodland  smell,   wrought  in  wet - earth  and  blood.    she’s  another  weight  on  the  aching   shoulders  which  carry  the  world                the  burden  of  humanity’s  fate  is  a  heavy  one,     hurts  like  hell.    misery - carved  brute  with  rebellion  in  blood,   HE  CARRIES  IT  ANYWAY.              ❛    look,  ellie.     ′  

              heavy  -  boots   settle  with  the  rumble  of  thunder   ;     wood  creaks  somewhere,    a  gust  flutters   tattered  curtains.    stubbled  jaw  grits,    lips  gone  into  a  FROWN.    (    when  is  she  gonna  learn  ?    )       ❛      i’m  puttin’  my  damn  life  on  the  line  here.    for  you.    for  this  stupid  firefly  business.      ′      there’s  a  pause  and  it  drags.     ❛    this  ain’t  some  happy - go - lucky  road trip  where  you  can  go explorin’  and  messin’  around  all  y’like.    this  is    HELL,  ellie,   and  the  infected  ain’t  gonna   wait  around  for  you to  play  with  some  toy.     ′  

❛   you know joel, you don’t have to be such a hardass.   every time i just look at something, you go off.   it’s pretty annoying.   ❜   her sigh runs like a scarlet sign on the curve of her mouth, a warning.   it irritates her more than anything when he makes it sound like he’s the only one making any sacrifices.   she’s crucified herself for him, she wants it to be understood it isn’t one-sided.   ❛   i know what we’re supposed to do and i know how important it is; i don’t need you treating me like a fucking child.   okay ?   ❜

❛   ... do you ever think about, you know ... going back ?   do you ever wonder if this was a mistake ?   ❜   //   sarraqum.

❛    DAMN  IT,   ellie                we  ain’t  got  time  for  fuckin’  around,   put that thing back where you found it.    ′  

❛                                        sheesh, alright.   ❜

❛   ... bring it down a couple notches, will ya ?   ❜

❛                                                                 put the fucking gun down, then we’ll talk.   deal ?   ❜   //   valorslain.

like this for a thing maybe?

     IT’S  BEEN  a  while  since  she’s  —  run  into  anyone  her  a g e .  granted,  maybe  she’s  a  little  older,  but  she’s  still  near  it  ;;  and  that  reason  alone  is  having  her  be  a  bit  more  trustworthy  than  usual.  ❛  well,  so-rry  then.  jesus.  who  are  you?  ❜

❛   … ellie; the name’s ellie.   and you ?   ❜

HER voice comes as a surprise to him – it having broken through the silence of the room, he wasn’t expecting it in the slightest. how bold, he thought. she knew he was here, but she wasn’t aware of WHO he was. how dangerous it was for her to call out into the confines of a an empty shop —— taunting the one occupying it with her unknowing of their intentions. of course, they weren’t his, but he wouldn’t put it past another to use this opportunity to take her out if it was what they set their mind to. her bravery was admirable, in a way. but seeing as how she’d already confirmed her awareness to him, there was no need to continue sneaking about. besides, she didn’t sound that old – what’s the worst she could do?

with CAUTION did he step out of the aisle, pale blue shards carrying their gaze onto the source of the voice — she certainly didn’t look any older than himself if he had to take a guess, and from the sound of it, she wasn’t supposed to be here either. so they both broke in, just on opposite ends, he assumed. well that explained why he hadn’t seen her until now.

❝ alright — you caught me. ❞ he mused, hands raising momentarily in mock defeat. ❝ what’s your plan now, huh ? ❞ it was sarcasm, obviously – his own way to taunt her; to poke fun at her little stunt pulled. ❝ i mean .. you’ve gotta have something, right ? why else would you just blow your cover like that ? ❞

❛   i was ready to shank you; that’s about it.   ❜   it’s delivered with a snort — the statement isn’t the truth in its entirety.

            it was hard, having to go through a situation he hadn’t expected to go through this soon. bone tired, it felt like she was shoving her fist into his chest, cracking his ribs WIDE OPEN. winding that tiny fist around his heart, just because she had the problem to rip it out if she so chose. & he’d let her, he knew that much for certain. he’d let her do it with a smile on his face, knowing he was allowing her to choose her own fate. allowing her to choose his fate. it wasn’t healthy, but it helped EASE some of the tension out of his muscles.

            he never expected to suddenly find himself devoting his life to someone again. he’d given his entire being to making sure sarah was well-fed, that she was as HAPPY as she could ever be. when she died, a part of him died with her. a large chunk ripped out of him, ugly in its intensity, hard to hide for a long time after. he was FEROCIOUS with his grief, never allowing anyone near enough to weasel their way into his bloodstream like that again. she was blood, she was his LIFE ; & now, between one blink & the next, he saw sarah in his unfocused gaze. smiling that sweet smile of hers, dragging open wounds he thought were sealed shut.

            ellie was another chance at keeping him AFLOAT. another chance at making sure he kept his promise when he swore he would rather die than let them take her away.

                “      yeah          yeah, y’are.      ”    a resigned countenance, coupled with a chuckle that was more AIR than anything else.    “      i was tryin’ …      ”

            he almost couldn’t even say it, but              “      i was tryin’ ta save ya from yerself. from givin’ yerself up ta a cause that didn’t give a DAMN about throwin’ away the life of a KID in the name of some greater good bullshit they kept spewin’.      ”    a hand jerked forward, almost REACHING OUT, before aborting the action entirely. almost like he thought better than to make any sort of contact right now. let her come forward herself if she felt a need to. like he was coaxing a scared animal close.

                “              i was bein’ selfish. can ya FAULT me fer that ? fer wantin’ you to live yer life like yer s’posed to, without worryin’ about shit ya shouldn’t be worried about ?      ”

❛   that wasn’t your call, it should’ve been mine.   yeah, it was kinda selfish, but... i get it.   they were going to let me die, and you were scared.   i was, too.   i promised we’d do whatever you wanted thinking we both were going to be safe after everything was finally over.   ❜   a collection of declaration — but it isn’t delivered with a sound of revised care, no.   it’s completely soft around the edges, not a reprimand but a clarification of the truth.   her own fingers twitch, but she’s nervous to reach out to him; joel was never the touchy-feely type, and she’s scared that she’ll send him off before she’s ready to say goodbye.