People look down on McDonald’s employees but fail to realize that if all these folks left McDonald’s and pursued “better careers”  your ass wouldn’t be able to get a McDouble with an Oreo McFlurry at 3am. 

You can’t demand a service while simultaneously degrading those who provide it for you. 

You can’t demand a service while simultaneously degrading those who provide it for you. 

this is my fav video now

I watched WITHOUT sound at first and can I just say, big mistake.

To Love a Man Who Will Never Love Me

This is the text I sent to my friend explaining why it was hard to let go.

“Can i tell you something? I know its going to sound stupid and pathetic, but if I want to get over this whole “Tanner Situation.” You don’t have to reply or anything, I just need someone to tell this too without being so emotional and can possibly understand me… Okay. So, while being “under his spell” I got to thinking about the possibility of our future. If we ever got the chance. And a little thing to know first, in my future. I don’t see much, me probably living in California, doing some science job, and maybe being with someone in our own little place with a dog. But never, did I think of in the future having or wanting a child of my own. Cause at first, I thought that it is what happens when you grow older. You want something to care for, a little you to love and watch grow up and have your “name” live on. But those little features never really outweighed the ones I thought of. See, the life the child will live and personality of one is all down to how that child is raised, what kind of surrounding they’re in, what they’re taught, and what they’re biologically made of. And in this future of me being able to take care of myself and my family with no worries of money for a long time in my life. That would usually be the time people would be able to have a kid without them going bankrupt. But for me, I would never really forgive myself if I had a child and I gave them something that I have. The way it has impacted me and made me to be this person I don’t want to be. Or even if they might not get that gene, they might pick up quirks from me like picking at my fingers when I’m nervous, not being able to look at people in the eyes when I talk, or refusing to get help they need because it makes you seem weak. And one little thing can make this kid into a manipulator or a into a person who can’t take care of themselves. So what does that have to do with Tanner? Well, when he was lying to me. He said he had changed himself for the better, that now he lives his life positively and optimistic. And he kinda explained how he was able to not let the depression, anxiety, ADHD, and the controlling family take over his life. And to that, it made me think that if this friendship continued and we grew closer and closer… Both of us were in serious relationships involving the possible future of us marrying our significant other. Obviously those things didn’t work out, but that’s the kinda mindset we have of relationships. Find a person you are want to be with for the rest of your life. And during this train of thought, I thought back to the whole kid thing. And I know that kids are a big debate between couples, and it could tear relationships apart. But, to think that this guy went through a worse hell than I and managed to change himself for the better, then he could possibly help to be a good father and give the child a chance to be something better than I have ever hoped. AND I KNOW WHAT YOURE THINKING. “WOAH, THATS REALLY CREEPY CHRISTINE.” I know. But stupid enough to say, I felt so connected to this man, that I thought of a future didn’t scare me. Cause he made it seem as though we were going to get close. To finally get that opportunity to become friends that we never did before. (Sad Part) He made it finally seem as though all this going crap I recently discovered about myself and had been dealing with, I didn’t have to go through it alone. That I had someone who wanted to help me and be with me. And the whole “offering me a key” thing made me feel as though I could run somewhere safe. Somewhere where I know that I could be safe, that I could finally feel like I belong. That I could possible have the one thing in my life I know would make me happy and make me feel complete. And knowing he just lied is the absolute worst. Because normally, I don’t trust anyone. Even trust between me and Ryan took months to years to get me to finally open up and reveal who I really was. With Tanner. It honest to god took minutes. I didn’t have to feel like he had to build our friendship first, that he had to slowly earn my trust, and that he had to understand me. Because he already lived a life so similarly to mine. For the first time in my life, I felt as though I had a future where I could succeed and I didn’t have to go through this alone. That I had someone. (here’s a secret for you) I tell a lot of people that my sister is my best friend. And she is the closest person to me. But she doesn’t know everything about me. She doesn’t understand everything about me. I can’t talk to her about everything because she won’t be able to understand the way he would. And for a second, I thought I had someone. And his words still ring in my ear, “I am always here if you need me. I will always answer your calls, and if I don’t answer. I will call you back, because I worry about you. I care about you.” To actually think I could trust him. To allow myself to open up so fast and so strong is what hurts the most. To believe that he was attracted to “me” not my body. And I really hope that in years to come I find the one. The one that will love me more than Tanner. That I can trust more than Tanner. But for now. It hurts. So bad. And I understand why girls would send such hateful things to people who had lied to them. I mean, if I knew what I knew now. Honestly, if he said to me, “I just want to hook up with you once and thats it.” I think I would be taking that a lot easier than now, cause saying that would just mean, “I want to have sex with you.” What he actually said to me, “I want us to become friends and become really close to one another, I am extremely attracted to you, and that I want you to have this key because I want you to come over more often cause I wanna see you.” And leaving it so open and so full of hope… Why lie? Okay. Im honest to god done. I shed a few tears, wanted to scream in rage, and cry in his arms, but I didn’t and I won’t. And at this point I just want to call him out. And I want to be wrong. About everything. And believe that there is still hope. But then I would be grasping at straws. And more than anything, I want to be okay. And Im just going to have to take it one day at a time right?”

A little about my love life. Whoops. It's a lot.

If anyone cares or is interested, he’s a quick story about my life.

I’ve came into this world with 10 fingers and 10 toes and anxiety that would follow me to the end of my sanity. For all my life I’ve felt different. I looked the same, liked some of the same things as my peers, but my feelings and thoughts were always so outrageous opposite from theirs. Even trying to talk about my feeling to the people closest to me, I always knew I could never be understood. Until I met up with an old friend (and crush) from my early teen years. And when we started talking, I felt something I haven’t felt before. Like I didn’t have to lie to him about what was actually going on. It kinda just spilled out like an overflowing pot. I felt like I didn’t have to hide myself. And when he talked back, I felt like I found a long lost half I never knew was gone. And the first time we kiss it was magical. We were playing beer pong (without alcohol) and turned into a clothe removal game. With my great perception skills, I ended up winning. But we both got lucky that night. So I guess we’re both winners. And I gotta say it was incredible. The intensity. Passion. Heavy breathing. His kind words. All of it made itself amazing. A night that still brings a smile to my face. After the sweating “workout”, he did something I would have never expected. He offered me his home as a safe haven if I didn’t want to return to my hell. As well as a key. At first curiosity and question filled me. Wasn’t it too much? (tell me if you want details and I’ll write something up) But as days turned into weeks since our last visit, and not a single word. I tried being bold and making the first move to another invite, but he was busy and didn’t seem to care much. Normally I would get the hint and move on. But I couldn’t. I felt something I’ve never felt before. And I couldn’t just let it escape. I did text him repeatedly. With some quilt thrown in since I became desperate for him. And me getting into my own head. Came to the same conclusion as for everyone that gets annoyed with me. That they stopped caring. That I’m too much. It was a lot to handle. Other people I’ve told this to have told me that I have to find “happiness in myself.” Which is true. But I’m not good at reassuring myself. Always in self doubt. And never being able to compliment myself. Time passed (4 Months) and I haven’t heard anything from him. Just daily checking his social media platforms for updates. And one day out with my mother and sister I get a call that I never knew would actually happen. I was offered an interview for a position at a well-known company. Which happened to be the same one he works at. (Let me explain. When I was reuniting myself with him. I explained how I was working a crappy fast food job. To which his response was “oh, well my job is looking for someone and I’ll put in a good work for you”) I thought he was lying, but I guess I was wrong. The only problem was he said he needed space. And what’s a better way of giving someone space than being their coworker. I didn’t want things to uncomfortable and I told him what had happened. If wasn’t okay with me going to the interview, I would have passed it up. But he encouraged it. Saying he would “be mad at me and never talk to me again.” Weird for him to say but it was a little nice. My interview was set and the person conducting my interview was very pleased and seemed to love my response to his questions. After the interview I had to head right over to work. Once I got out, I went home to just sleep in and start recuperating. Around midnight I get a strange text asking if I was busy. (guess who) I told him I was just at home relaxing and he invited me over to “talk”. As soon as I read that I changed my panties. Just in case. But only a half hour earlier, my father took the only car to go have some “me time”. Hating the world I explained tonight would be a no-go with my obstacle. And he just said , “want me to pick you up. You don’t live that far from me.” (As a heads up. My house is old, falling apart and dirty. I couldn’t let him see that! But I would just meet him outside. So it would have to do) I gave him my location joking saying to not stalk my house in the middle of the night. Half hour later he was outside. He kinda just went on a tangent on how he was finally a full timer staff member, but having to work grave. How he was able to find a opportunity to further his career and was studying like mad. I’m not much of a talker so I just listened. And it was beautiful. And it made me feel calm and happy and warm. Him just talking made my anxiety go away. He told me a couple stories that sounded unbelievable but he has the damage from those stories and friends to back him up. We giggled and laughed and for a solid hour, I was happy. I really was. I mean. I was still mad at him for leaving me dry, but he was just what I needed after a stressing day. He became very handsy and trying to get me to laugh and tickle me. And he had that look from that night all over again. And I fell for them. He grabbed me and kissed me. And it felt so wrong. Like I shouldn’t enjoy it. But I did. I took it all in. His muscular figure, his soft hair, and his taste. Before that was interrupted by us falling out of our seats and onto the floor. (We were sitting on stools near his kitchen) I began uncontrollably laughing for the reason of he was trying to be so smooth. And yet we ended on the floor. I got him laughing really hard too before he crawled on top of me and continued our make out session. Him rubbing himself against be. The feeling of myself not being able to move and loving the control. He then stands up and just picks me up off the floor and carries me (faces toward each other) toward the bedroom. And unexpectedly throws me towards the bed. He rips his clothes off and with the same aggression he took mine off too. (Another heads up. I’ve always had protective sex. But from last time, I had begun birth control and I was going let him in. Skin to skin. I really wanted him to be my first sexual partner, and now. He’s technically in that “first category”) With my back on the bed and my ass all the way to the edge of the bed, he stands and making motions. Pushing it up and down against me. I’m heavily breathing has he slowly slides himself into me. And it felt incredible. And once again, the intensity, the thrust, the moans. Ending with me accidentally bleeding on him. (Whoops. It was just a little period blood. Nothing to worry about) He hopped in the shower to freshen up as I scavenged his refrigerator for water. (I have never been so dehydrated in my life) I just took some Gatorade and sat on his bed till he came out. And I gotta say. Nothing makes me happier then seeing him with a towel around his waist and dripping in water. He dried himself off, threw on a pair of pajama bottoms and sat in the bed with me. The conversation started right back up as if it never ending. He looks over at me and asks him to give him a back massage. I pathetic admitted I don’t know how to give one and it might be painful. Instead, I was softly scratching his back with my nails while just telling him what’s been going on with me. And a part of me thought he was only saying it cause he was obliged to, but I didn’t care. It felt better than any old therapist and with more benefits. As he slowly drifted and probably fell asleep for the first time in which looked like weeks. He offers me to stay the night and ride home in the morning. I agreed cause who wouldn’t want to stay. We crawled into bed and as I’m closing my eyes and getting ready to sleep after a roller coaster of a day, I see that look again. I playfully pushed him away cause we both needed the sleep, but that look wouldn’t die. I giggled for how active his sex drive was. (Something I would get used to) He pulls me on top of him and round two begins. After another tiring hour. We begin to get sleepy. Except him. He wanted to go to the gym, which I just told him he needed to go to sleep. I scratched his back alternating between arms, once I heard the long deep breaths. I figured I could stop and get my sleep. Once I turn over he sits up and says, “Christine. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, and you have one of the biggest hearts I’ve seen.” Before he lays back down and begins snoring. (Okay. That HAS to mean something. You don’t just tell a girl that to tell her that. And if it was an unconscious confession, then it all must be true. Right) I didn’t sleep that night. Too many thoughts from what just happened to what does it mean. Also his snoring was pretty loud. I’m awoken at 5 in the morning to him getting out of bed to use the bathroom. I figured he would wake me up and have some fun. But he just walked out of his bedroom and onto the couch for some microwaveable breakfast. I slowly made my way out the room. And I can not emphasis this enough when I say he did not want me there. I felt like a weed in the garden. He offered coffee and I knew that was my sign to get out. As he was driving me home, we talked some more, giggled, it was just a nice way to start your morning. Once I closed the car door behind me, I figured either I would never see him again or have it be uncomfortable at work. (Fast forward to my week of training) My first day of training, I ran into him and I’ve never seen a man look at me the way he did. Like I was something he needed. And needed now. I knew I looked good. And I knew we would run into one another. But as the days went on, training ended and I started working, I haven’t run into him yet. I decided to keep my mouth shut about me knowing him, it didn’t sound like he wanted people to know about us and it just made it more manageable for me to work. But before getting off break, a few coworkers were talking in the back and one of them looked at me and asked, “oh you’re his friend aren’t you? You two know each other?” Too nervous to confess, I held up my lie about knowing him. Until everyone started talking about how I curled my hair for him. How I put lipstick on for him. I didn’t understand how he could be distant but always talk about me. I finally got the courage (with a majority of it being horny-ness) to tell him that I wanted to drink and have sex with him. Cause what guy doesn’t like good woman. I like bold woman. And my heart shattered when he declined my offer and said he was seeing another girl. I was crushed. I loved and cared so much for him with such intensity, and he moved on. Just like that. And I took that as a final. Please don’t talk to me. I deleted him from all social media because this would have to be the time I’m move on. He couldn’t be my person that I knew I needed. (Currently) He texted me while I was sleeping, saying “You know everyone knows you know me right haha.” And I couldn’t understand it. So that’s what I replied with. Explaining how I was confused about his actions. He pushed me away but wants to be friends? Told me how amazing I am as a person and meets someone new? He told me I was overthinking things and that we were friends. I got frustrated and told him “You just don’t get it, do you?” After that he never replied. But looking at my schedule, I’ll have to run into him. And maybe work next to him. I want to tell him everything. That he’s not just a crush. But something more to me. On the flip side. I didn’t want to say anything.

Thank you for reading. If you did. I would love to hear any feed back.

Isn’t it satisfying when big cats fit perfectly in small boxes?

You need.. you need to unmute…

I’ve waited too long to find this gem again!