Alone at the edge of a universe humming a tune.

I forgot to do one of those art summarys.
So that was 2019!🎊🥳
Nice ✨Katana Zero really got me back into drawing again tbh🥺💕✨ I made almost nothing for several months straight.
Hopefully this year will get better 💕✨

Doodlin. I had a very dbd moment today when I joined a lobby that had only a Steve player in it. He instantly exploded on me even tho I said literally nothing. Then he left lobby.

I guess breathing is offensive.

doodling cuz I p100ed Leon and steve. Soon i'll have quentin too.

Quentin is the cutest tbh

and No i don't touch grass don't be ridiculous.

YASSSS!!! I managed to get my hands on a buck 120 knife today. 😍💕💕🎉🎊

It’s the type of knife I used to kill that jogger yesterday. It’s the knife ghostface uses in the movies too. 🥰✨💖✨

It smells so good 😊

I have the full ghostface outfit now. This Halloween is gonna be extra special 💕 👻 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪💀💀💀💀

I’m stabbing cardboard boxes with it. Good practice 🔪✨💕

Drew this cuz I dreamt i was ghostface. I killed a whole family in their house when they invited me in. I chose their house because it had neat halloween decorations in front of it. They thought i was a trick or treater that they knew. The family were eating at the dinner table and i pulled out my knife. They thought it was a prop and laughed but then started screaming when i got the dad in the throat. Ironically the oldest relative lasted the longest because she hid in a back closet but i found her. My parents then tried covering it up for some reason??? I ended up donning the mask again and killing a jogger i found going around my neighborhood. She was wearing some pretty colored tights so she stood out to me. Then i drowned myself to death in a pond because i wanted to stop hurting everyone. The pond had orange fish but i can't draw fish at all so i didnt even attempt that.

Maybe the painkillers the ER injected into me yesterday gave me some crazy dreams lol I got stitches so i'm fine now.

I got acrylic markers for the first time and I really like using them tbh.

I wish I knew about them sooner!

I got a black light for fun and hit my keyboard with it 🤮🤮🤮🤮

Ima just set it on fire and get a new one (jk) but ya I play so much dead by daylight my WASD keys are almost nonexistent now.

One of the old people at the old folks home died and I didn’t cry at all this time.

I rolled one of the old ladies onto her side so she wouldn’t lay on her bed sores. She was obese so we had to get two to three people to roll her every couple hours.

So she started making a gurgling noise and I asked my boss like “why is she gurgling?”. And my boss was like “oh she’s just dying.” And then she died.

What the fuck why wouldn’t you warn me beforehand??? Now I rolled her for no reason.

Nurse put a blanket over her face. I should have thought of that when the others died.

My boss says I’m now a mini-me of her since I didn’t cry at all. Honestly, I feel nothing about it.

Just took a deep breath and let it go and went on to assist the others.

Life goes on.

I love working as a caretaker at the old folks home.

But honestly it can get harder than anything I’ve experienced in my life. It has made me learn a lot about death and has deeply humbled me.

For Christmas this year, one of the old ladies gifted me 14 karat gold earrings with my birth stones in them. People really do appreciate when you take care of them.

Honestly, it’s hard. I’ve watched 7 people die so far. They die just like how anything does. Where the life just kinda drains from their eyes as their bodies make some last twitches. They sometimes scream too.

I’ve worked here around 4 years so far. And it has made me stop drawing almost completely.

I asked my boss how many she has seen die and she said she lost count at 20. She has no tears when someone dies now.

I used to burst into tears each time but I cry quietly only a lil bit now.

Last corpse kept their jaw open the whole time and I kept trying to get the corpse’s jaw to close before the family arrived but I just couldn’t get it to stay so we had a lil pillow under her chin to keep it up.

I later read into funeral stuff for corpses. People actually wire the jaws shut to keep them shut. I didn’t know that. They also sometimes use special eye caps to keep eyes closed.

I remember when the daughter arrived and she just sat on the floor and screamed. She thanked me for taking care of her mother so she didn’t have to watch the death herself.

These people all had lives. Mom told me she wants me to quit and just work with children.

But honestly I still enjoy this job. I feel I have developed even more as a person through this job.

It’s taken a lot out of me but given me a lot.

I need to get back into drawing again. But it’s genuinely hard. I’ve been asked why I stopped drawing. This is why.

Living as an epileptic again is just so surreal. Always preparing meds. I cut so many pills today it gave me a blister on my hand. This is my life forever now. This isn’t even all the meds I take and not even all the ones I gotta cut.

My fiancé told me I’m the Cookie Monster but with pills and he’s like NOM NOM NOM NOM YES PILLS!!! And I burst out laughing 😂

Always remember when choosing a lover for your life that it’s someone who doesn’t mind you are disabled. And a good sense of humor is a must!

All I wanted to do today was draw akai with hosshi.

A friend just died in a motorcycle accident. Honestly motorcycles are so dangerous.

I used to just call him quesadilla guy because that’s how I met him. I was cooking quesadillas for the elderly in an old folks home when he just walks in randomly and asks for some.

He’s a tall dude so I got kinda nervous and I was alone so I just gave him what he wanted. He told me he was a handy man.

That day, I went home and told my mom about him. Because he had a mustache like hulk hogan and drove a giant motorcycle. I told her that he was a handy man too.

Couple days go by and I think it was some kinda plumbing my mom was crying about in the kitchen when she saw out the kitchen window the guy I described just walking around outside.

She flagged him down and he did a lot of handiwork for my house.

He was the one who built my loft and taught me to how to put up drywall and use a table saw.

After a while he kept spending more and more time with my mom cuz she’s divorced. Then he asked her out and had dinner with her.

Some of his friends would call him jammer. I think because he used to be a bouncer when he was younger.

Mom and him remained good friends till he died.

I still have a pic of him and my mom together.

If he was just a smoother talker he could have been my step-dad.

And this is loft he built for me.

Honestly, motorcycles look cool but it’s never worth the risk to me. He was a nice guy. Would have made a great dad.

Your life is just worth so much more than just looking stylish.

I bought a coffee maker for my room yesterday. I’ve made so much coffee that my room smells awesome. I got it set up near my pet crickets.

I didn’t know coffee also a good insecticide for crickets. Over night almost all my crickets died in all three of my enclosures. That was like 800 crickets dead. RIP 🪦🦗

Now I have move my remaining crickets to the other side of the room near the window. 😭

If you need to kill crickets, use coffee 😭😭😭

If you’re on good terms with your parents, spend time with them. They don’t live forever. And if they do live long, they might not be fully there in their head even if they are alive.