Alex never misses a chance to cosplay

I'm curious. Reblog this if you know how to cook

I don’t even care if it’s macaroni, ramen or those little bowls you stick in the microwave. Please, I need reassurance that most of the population on tumblr WOULDN’T STARVE TO DEATH if their parents couldn’t fix them food or they couldn’t go out to eat. 

They come to thank you for your art and the first thing you do is kill them with an arrow???

not only are these pics real, the second one in particular was taken within 10 minutes of my childhood home and is an area ive driven through >1000 times

They absolutely look like that; my fave is the I-10 410 interchange

which has the nice combo of looking like THAT but also you have the ridiculous boom in housing from the baby boom *right there* You can even see the elementary school i went to (on the left, next to the baseball diamond in the private school next door)

I have a new theory which has resulted from me writing porn on my phone which im certain is old hat to everyone but is new to me

it kinda goes like this

basically, as a person or community writes a kinky story for longer, they will kind of inevitably move up a chain of 'paradigms of justification' required to make the kink continue to make sense.

the pace will vary depending on the kink, but motion is inevitable.

---

so say you decide to write some rope bondage kink. as you continue to write, you are likely to progress through the stages as follows:

The thing is, once you have progressed through these stages, you are going to skip ahead in future stories because, let's face it, its incredibly convenient to have these structures laid out for you. If you've gotten to Stage 3 in a previous fic and then start a new one, well, you could fuck around justifying what's going on, or you could simply bring back the Federal Department of Kinky Shit and jump straight to the silk cord. It's efficient and we're all busy people.

I ended up following this trajectory with my first set of Porn On Phone stories pretty closely:

Terminal. Put me down like the dog I am.

But the dark realization I had, right about now, is that all the normie fics out there, all the boring straight stuff?

... yeah they're already at Stage 5. The straights are living at stage 5, patriarchy is their Federal Department of Kinky Shit, they believe in alphas and omegas already.

So, put that way, it's actually totally normal and okay to do this progression, right? Like, it's subversive. This is feminist! This is feminist! I scream, as I'm dragged into the van and driven down to the river to be drowned like an unwanted kitten. I'm the normal one! You're all mad!

anyway i started writing a star trek porn parody in an attempt to write 'normal' porn again, hit stage five within 3000 words, had a mental breakdown, and came here to write this.

Can someone explain more what stage 5 is supposed to be? OP just vaguely gestures in a direction.

basically, when you start making up fantasy stuff about human biology for your kink

you know, mate-or-die, pheromones, extreme gender ratios, gendered fantasy psychology, that sorta thing, amd making it a part of your worldbuilding.

when the federal bureau of kinky shit is not longer sufficient to explain what is going on, and you end up needing to justify the federal bureau of kinky shit through an Evolutionary Theory of Horny Shit

Isn't that stage 4?

oh, whoops. yeah, stage 5 is when you realize that you've done the previous four stages and see the way it all fits together, and basically start doing it within intention instead of as patch fixes to justify things.

due to the thesis inherent in seinfeld's writing the principal cast of the sitcom would likely not survive a visit to silent hill as they would be unable to achieve the personal growth necessary to overcome the monsters facing them

Equally, owing to the show's strictly episodic format, they'd spend an eternity trapped in a ceaseless vortex of pain and death without hope of resolution or respite, and then next week they'd all be fine.

Kramer reveals he's been to Silent Hill at least twice before this for unrelated reasons

meowowmememeowme meowowmeowowowow meowowmeowowowow meowowowmemememe

so many.............. boops........................

This is so

Unnecessary

how do you explain to someone that this is your sense of humour

“What could the audio possibly be?”

*unmutes*

“Oh,”

If I ever don’t laugh at this, assume I died.

More stories from hell (retail) today I was ringing up this lady and she goes oh I want to do part of this on a gift card and the rest on normal card and I go ok and then she hands me a folded piece of paper. I think oh OK it must be folded around the gift card, right? Wrong. It is a folded sheet of 8×11 printer paper with "$40" written on the inside in ballpoint pen. I go what is this. She says a gift card. I say this is not a gift card. She says yes it is. I say this is a piece of paper with "$40" written on it. She says "well it's a gift card." I say it absolutely is not. I am grinding my teeth. She says well I want to use it. I say you physically cannot do that bc it is a piece of paper. I cannot scan or swipe it. I apologize, as if this is my fault, and not because she is completely insane. I hate it here

It's been a hot second since the last time I cried tears of true rage but damn if I didn't come close today

My coworkers were like wow how are you still in a good mood after that my brother in christ after that interaction I went to the break room and took an extra adderall

HI EVERYONE OP HERE I QUIT THIS JOB TODAY

This could absolutely be one of the faction flags in a budget mid-2000s fantasy RTS Game.

Happy Fuuka Friday!

Would you play Kinect Star Wars with her?

I have been waiting all year to post this.

omg

This has been in my queue for months.

I missed it last year and I vowed that would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

YES

omg i didnt reblog this last year!

its important to do this every time a museum or school thinks this is a good idea

Did you intentionally make him Cajun before that screencap or was that baked into the prompt already. I ask only because the eyes as green as the bayou got me good

he's naturally australian so i gave him an upgrade

"con artist" is maybe the profession with the biggest gap between How Cool They Are In Media and How Cool They Are In Real Life

fictional con artist: I've gathered you all here because you each have unique skills and specialties that will be required for the Ultimate Heist: psychologically destroying the richest man in the world, and taking his mansions, his yacht, and his wife in the process.

real life con artist: plan A is to scare an old lady who barely speaks English. plan B, is to trick unemployed people into giving us money, which they famously have a lot of, in exchange for broadly-defined Career Services. plan C is we try to make NFTs a thing again

"For what can stop War, but a sword?"