Hey there, friends

ive probably said this before but i LOVE the twilight zone episodes with no quantifiable moral at the end, they just wrap up like “wouldnt it be fucked up if that happened?”

everyone saying black mirror NO the whole point of black mirror is that it’s rife with unwanted morals! no! i don’t want to be told how technology is making us distant and how helicopter parenting makes kids hate you i want “what if astronauts found their own dead bodies on a random planet and had a breakdown for a full episode then realized they’re dead for real and then forget and do it all again forever, wouldn’t that be fucked? i’m rod serling”

An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked two more times and after eating them again the owner says: “Okay my friend, where’s the magic trick?”

The Irishman then said: “Look in the Englishman’s pockets.”

Look Jeff you gotta change the username

The funniest version of this is when you work in a haunted house

I was super bored one night bc we were really slow, and the animatronic that served as my cue had broken without my knowing, so I didn’t get an alert that someone was coming.

I was in the hallway singing “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” at the top of my lungs and jumping up and down in the hallway. The guy in the next hallway over was singing it with me. I don’t know what he was doing but knowing him, it was equally goofy.

So imagine being a teenager girl and her teenage boyfriend, coming down a dark and spooky hallway filled with fog, and finding a small demonic-looking thing jumping like a madman, shouting “PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME” at the top of its lungs with the voice of a twelve year old boy, and hearing a deep, booming voice repeating it back.

That sounds scarier than most things I’ve experienced in a haunted house to be totally honest

on the one hand there are many aspects of academia that should be criticized but on the other hand i’m concerned about the rise of anti-intellectualism as a tool of fascism

Hey yo what the fuck does this say in English? Because if you can’t explain in layman’s terms you’re not doing a good job of getting your point across to everyone.

hey man i think you might just be dumb

After years of claiming introversion as a personality trait and talking about how much you love being a snuggly widdle blanket in the rain with a cup of cocoa and a book, we’re finding out the internet is full of fake bitches who can’t go 24 hours without licking the floor in a crowded bar and then sneezing on a passing octogenarian with an oxygen tank. 

The spiritual successor to Miette

victor frankenstein, sweaty and sickly: please fuck off. please fuck off. please fuck off.

his reanimated corpse son:

So I’m gonna kill your wife

this is my favorite reply on this post because for a moment I forgot the creature kills victor’s wife and i thought you were threatening me

it’s hilarious that nobody in The Mandalorian seems to know what the Force is, so whenever Baby Yoda uses it everyone is just like “damn your kid is kinda fucked up”

Proof that some oracle is in the writing team at Brooklyn Nine Nine

Hey guys I just found out in this class that during the Black Death, aka The Great Mortality, the gravediggers guild in Florence negotiated themselves a higher salary and political power because they were suddenly the unexpendable laborers supporting society....Just An Idea from 700 years ago

last year i went out to see the new IT and stopped at the grocery store to get candy first (sorry regal cinemas)

and i was making small talk with the cashier, oh what’re you doing? nothing much just going out for the new IT

and he’s like oh is that what the shirts for? and i realize i’m wearing a tee shirt with my own art on it of a clown. just whatever i grabbed out of the laundry. total accident. so i’m like haha no just a coincidence. then my phone starts going off and my ringtone is goofy clown honking

so that cashier 100% thinks im a complete weapons grade freak

The kids, on filming IT: We all became best friends and it was the most amazing summer of our lives and we never wanted it to end

Bill Skarsgard, on filming IT: It was fuckin lonely as hell I sat in a tent by myself the whole time and all the crew members were scared of me

TFW you just want to have fun and mingle but you get banished to the Pennywise tent for being Pennywise.

This is the plot to Wreck it Ralph

this gave me a, no joke, 60 second coughing fit and im still recovering