smoretea reblogged
smoretea reblogged
So at work someone just brought up the Tide Pod thing as proof that kids these days are dumb and I pointed out the fact that the fad in the 1920′s was to swallow whole live goldfish (look it up, my grandparents told me about it years ago, it was a Thing.)
And of course some kids choked to death on live goldfish.
He didn’t believe me until he looked it up on his phone. And then he was just quiet for a minute and said “Ok maybe people have just always done dumb shit” and the glow of victory is going to carry me until lunch.
and I lied it was 1940 so sue me
smoretea reblogged
Vancouver Gothic
- You arrive at the platform, just as the Millenium line train pulls away. The next two trains will be Expo lines. Two trains come and go. The next two trains will be Expo lines. The next two trains will always be Expo lines. You leave the platform to grab a coffee. You arrive at the platform just as the Millenium line train pulls away.
- It is raining. It is September and it is raining. It is January and it is raining. It is March and it is raining. It is raining. You remember sun. You remember it’s warmth on your face. It is May and it is raining. “I like the rain.” You whisper to yourself. “It keeps things green.” Someday you might believe it. It is June and it is raining.
- Your friends are doing the Grouse Grind. “Come with us,” they say, “it’ll be fun.” You smile and make your excuses. You will not see them again. The mountain takes what it wants.
- There is a rivalry between SFU and UBC. No one will say why. They laugh and say it is all in jest, but their eyes are haunted. They must choose a side, even if they never attended either school. It is all in jest.
- “We should go to the Art Gallery. Why haven’t we been yet?” You gather together, and go to the Art Gallery. You remember walking in. You remember walking out. You know that you paid. You do not remember what, only that it was valuable, and now it is lost to you forever. You do not know what you gained in the Art Gallery. You do not know what you lost.
- You have been to Granville Island. It is not truly an island. You can drive on, and you can drive off. You have done so before. Today, every corner you turn brings you back to the Market. You glance over your shoulder, checking that it is behind you, as you turn the corner. You face forward again, and stare forlornly at the Market.
- They say people live in Vancouver. They say the cost of living is 18$/hr. They say this is only true if you live in the downtown core. They say people live in Vancouver. You are from Burnaby. Your friends are from Langley. Your parents live in Coquitlam. They say people live in Vancouver.
- You get on the N9 bus. It is late, and you are tired. You’re getting off at Coquitlam station. If you close your eyes now, you will have plenty of time before you get there. Sleep. It will be fine.
- It is August and the land is dry and parched. The ground cracks beneath your feet. The grass withers in the parks. The tide has retreated. The beaches are filled with people. “Isn’t this nice.” They say. “This is what summer should be like.” They say. “It’s so nice out.” They say. Their lips crack as they speak, and their skin seem to shrivel. You wonder if you will ever feel cool again.
copperbadge keeps reblogging these and i kept thinking i should do a vancouver one….
smoretea reblogged
Vancouver Gothic
- It is morning, and you hear the seagulls. It is nighttime, and you hear the seagulls. You hear the seagulls. You always hear the seagulls. You pray the seagulls do not hear you.
- A Skytrain pulls into the station. It is completely empty. The ticker board does not say which line it is. Come to think of it, you are not sure what station you are at, either. You step onto the train.
- The paddleboarders swarm English Bay. You cannot see their faces. It is sunny and bright, but there are no faces to be seen, no matter how close you look. Something in your brain tells you not to look any closer.
- You walk around the sea wall on a warm evening, and stop to stare at the towering Inuksuk. It stares back.
- A gaggle of tourists surround the Steam Clock. Every fifteen minutes, it calls them. They worship it with their cameras. With every click of a shutter, it ticks ahead a minute. Whose minute that was has yet to be determined.
- There is a starfish on Georgia Street. Nobody knows why. Another one drops to the ground behind you as you ponder this.
- It is raining, and the grass is green. The trees are green. The sidewalk is growing green. The skies are grey and everything else is much, much too green. You forget what it is to see anything that isn’t grey and green. You don’t miss it.
- Ship horns threaten to shatter your ears. You’re nowhere near the harbour. You’d better get out of the way.
- You take the 99. It bleeds.
- There’s another coffee shop opening on the corner. You’ve forgotten how to tell the difference between them. As you walk in and slap down a $5, you also realize that you can no longer tell the difference between the taste of coffee and the taste of rain.
smoretea reblogged
BC Ferries Gothic
- - The little coffee shop in Bay 5 is playing “Someone Like You” by Adele. You never hear it start over, but it never seems to end
- - All of the tickets have nouns on them to differentiate boarding times. “Bear” “Scallop” “Manatee”. You look at your ticket. It says your name
- The ferry docks and you see people disembark. The last person leaves and you ask to board. They say there’s one more passenger to leave. There’s always one more passenger
- The complimentary wifi works in the terminal, but never on the ships. You log on again, you accept the terms and conditions again. You accept the terms and conditions again. You accept. You accept. You accept.
- Announcements are spoken over the PA. “Would the owner of the grey honda please turn off your alarm.” “Would the owner of black toyota please move your vehicle, you’re blocking a fire exit.” “Would the owner of the red subaru please stop screaming.”
- The life jackets are under your seat. The life jackets are in the compartment over your head. The life jackets are in that strange hole in the wall. Go ahead, reach in and see.
- The business desks are all occupied by young white men in casual button ups. All of their laptop screens are blank
- You reach your destination after an hour and a half on the water. The ferry terminal looks eerily familiar. You are home.
smoretea reblogged
Taika Waititi talks about the double standards applied to “rogueish” characters based on their gender in this interview.
I love him. My fave bit is when she falls off the gangplank.
Source: independent.co.uk
smoretea reblogged
my favourite artstyle is lesbians in old italy
resistancelesbian
y’all know what im saying
smoretea reblogged
smoretea reblogged
[takes a single step out of bed after 8 hours of sleep]
Source: twitter.com
smoretea reblogged
inevitabletony-deactivated20220
Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.
smoretea reblogged
Basically.
Ouch
smoretea reblogged
smoretea reblogged
smoretea reblogged
there are people you haven’t met yet who will love you
smoretea reblogged
@leftennant and I were just bemoaning the lack of rom coms out there in Hollywood and how it’s probably stimmying the careers of certain actors who would kill it in that niche.
This seems like such low hanging fruit being ignored. With relatively low budgets you can afford the occasional failure compared to the thud Justice League just made. If you picked a random group of ten women and asked them to brainstorm ideas they’d come up with solid ideas to be spun into box office gold.
Per example:
Kat Dennings is the quirky girl trekking across New Zealand following her lifelong love of all things Tolkein. She meets Chris Evans and dismisses him as a frat bro, but it’s love at first sight for him. Can he persuade her he’s the real deal?
Of course he can. I’m still buying a ticket to this.
Hayley Atwell has to resist the charms of Sebastian Stan for 30 days to win a million dollars. But if he can persuade her to kiss him, he wins the million dollars. Who’s going to win? Can she resist him?
Who gives a fuck, we know there’s going to be a kiss and they’ll split the money, just take my money already.
Daisy Ridley and Tessa Thompson are stranded in an airport during a blizzard and have nothing to do but get to know each other.
I don’t even need you to tell me the plot of this one, because I already booked my seat.
Tell me Tumblr–what rom com ideas would you like to see and who would star in them?
America Ferrera needs a date to her family’s insane holiday party, so she puts out an ad on Craigslist for a bad boyfriend, so they’ll never ask her about him again. Tom Hardy is the bad boy she hires. Only, he’s actually pretty sweet.
–
Marisa Tomei is doing great as a single mom. She just closed a huge deal at her job, and her kid is surprisingly chill for a teenager, from what she’s read. Enter: her ex, Gerard Butler, freshly transferred back to NYC from London, and still in love with her. Can she admit she’s still in love with him?
–
Matt Bomer hates visiting Middle America on his book tours, even though he loves his fans. That is, until he attends a panel discussion where the moderator is local celebrity writer, Channing Tatum.
I was talking about having them do a remake of Harry met Sally but with Melissa McCarthy as Harry and Mindy Kaling as Sally.
anais-ninja-blog
mads mikkelson: contemporary incarnation of aphrodite.
latessitrice
Idris Elba does yoga in very small shorts. No one cares about the plot.
latessitrice
Alternatively: Mads Mikkelson and Idris Elba. Something something…IDK we’re all going to watch it, aren’t we?
And this addition from @anais-ninja-blog which Tumbles is trying to eat:
anais-ninja-blog
Ewan MacGregor as the drama teacher at a private school in Manhattan who is feuding with but secretly pines for Chiwetel Ejiofor, the music teacher. Their school is undergoing a shift in curricula and there’s debate on the place of the arts, will they save their programs? Will they get together in the end? We all KNOW the answer is yes, but don’t you want to see it happen regardless?
latessitrice
Nicole Beharie and Tom Mison as bounty hunters after the same target. They have completely different styles and end up teaming up to bring their quarry down. Will they learn to get along, even fall in love?
I mean, did you see the chemistry they had together in Sleepy Hollow?
Aubrey Plaza inherits her free-spirited grandmother’s ‘67 Mustang. Eager for a change of scenery after a gnarly break up, she travels cross-country to pick it up and drive it home.
She gets more than she bargained for when she discovers that it’s haunted by Grandma’s ghost (Ellen Burstyn) and Grandma won’t rest until she gets her granddaughter some action.
When Grandma still hasn’t passed over, they set out for the Grand Canyon on the road trip of her dreams. A flat tire and a mysterious but helpful hitchhiker (Jason Momoa) later and something, something romance.
Working title: Granny’s Last Gas.
A successful attorney (Taraji P. Henson) wins surfing lessons in a charity raffle and after everyone she knows agrees that she could never do it, she decides that she’s got to learn.
Her instructor’s a washed up pro (Chris Hemsworth) with a fear of water after taking on more wave than he could handle in a catastrophe that nearly cost him everything.
After she’s challenged by a group of local punks to compete in an upcoming contest, Chris decides to face his fears and commits to helping her win.
They discover that they have more in common than they expected as her determination helps him to fall in love with surfing all over again.
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds in a remake (again) of the Parent Trap.
–
Donald Glover is a bored, jaded former-wunderkind. Zoe Saldana is the enforcer sent to rough him up for using his skills against a mob-run casino. She completes her “errand,” but when he’s in the hospital, recovering, someone starts sending him complex math puzzles. The puzzles form a message.
–
Washed-up rock star Lee Pace has done everything, seen everything, fucked everything. His manager despairs, and begs him to attend a retreat in Sonoma, California. He goes to Sonoma, but never makes it to the retreat once he meets gregarious, no-nonsense pâtissier, Colin Farrell, and his irascible veterinarian wife, Julia Styles.
–
Michele Pfeiffer is a witch who accidentally gives a customer’s love potion to her downstairs neighbor, Michael Keaton. She doesn’t know that her apprentice, Saorise Ronan, messed up the batch, and it was a dud. Now he’s wooing her, and she thinks it’s all fake (except it’s totally working).
Paul Rudd and Ryan Reynolds play two hotshot detectives who hooked up at last year’s Christmas party. They swore that it would only happen once and that they’d keep things casual. Now that they’ve landed the case of their careers, they’ll have to work together and keep things professional or risk losing it all.
latessitrice
Adding a contribution sent to me by A N Onymous:
FOR YOUR ROMCOM LIST—- Hayley Atwell is a Washington DC investigative journalist by day and Single Mum by night. Having sworn off men entirely, She’s on the brink of writing an expose all piece on a prominent and well loved Senator’s shady dealings. (Fighting all the time against her Superiors who want it killed) The week before it’s debut, her Nanny quits. Enter Chris Evans. Boston lad back from some far off country teaching little kids English and the only Nanny available at the Agency.
Bonus Points if he’s ExArmy and ends up protecting her and her babies from Government hit men. Bonus bonus points Anthony Mackie is there and helps them out and is cute.
anais-ninja-blog
hey! you know what’s missing from this otherwise superlative thread???
JOHN CHO AND KAREN GILLAN!!!
struggling comedian karen finally catches a break in the form of a mentor based on and played by margaret cho. they take a trip to korea for the big family reunion. karen is respectful and mostly quiet. she’s reluctant to start anything with handsome cousin john, but they have definite chemistry. i think it ends ambiguously, but hopeful.
scene stealing jokes from co-stars daniel dae kim and grace park.
Remake of Brewster’s Millions starting John Cho as a transnational adoptee who learns a biological relative will leave him billions of dollars if he manages to “waste” a hundred million dollars in 30 days. Karen Gillan is the uptight accountant who’s monitoring his spending, Kal Penn is his ebulliant BFF, neither of them know the terms of the inheritance and he’s in love with both of them oh no.