Attention Ubisoft,

I want to meet more of your cast members, and I rather like your period games……. Oh forget this formality. Just send the Kenways and their affiliates my regards. And GARY, send the Kenways my regards as well. I doubt Ubisoft can handle taking memos from the King of Kyrat… THANK YOU.

Yes my king, right away. Shall i send for the Auditores also?

Attention Gary,

Send a note to my tailor to hurry the fuck up with Ajay’s suit. And tell her so scrap the zippered meat-pockets, he won’t be needing those any more. Also, hire someone to carry around handfuls of meat for Ajay. I also need two…hmm…maybe… Valentino dresses, one in…turquoise? And the other in… Well, let’s go with a mauve colour With blue undertones. Thank you!

@royal-assistant-gary NOW, PLEASE.

Yes my king, right away.

~KPMSS~

A reminder that today is the inauguration of what I’ve dubbed “King Pagan Min’s Selfie Sunday”! Picture it like Disneyland, where you take pictures with your favourite characters. Only you’ll be having your picture done with me, your glorious king. Although it won’t personally be with me, on account I can’t be bothered to fly to every corner of the world for the sake of a picture, I can assure you of a similar feeling of emphatic happiness! As a way for my subjects to experience what it might be like to stand next to me, my assistants have set aside their time to create for you, your very own Selfie with the King of Kyrat.

Should you be interested, submit your tasteful* selfies to my own blog or my assistants’ (@nowthatsbooty). She will answer any other questions you might have regarding this event.

~ May Pagan’s light shine upon you all!

And also an important disclosure the team wished for me to include.

**“Tasteful selfies” strongly exclude nudity and will not be considered for eligibility. Should you choose to ignore this, your account will be blocked from his highness’ blog. Examples of appropriate pictures to submit are “average portraits” such as pictures cropped above the shoulders which include the entire head. Happy KPMSS.**

One will be held every month, on the last Sunday of each. At the moment, my team is allowing 5 submissions

And another reminder… 

For those who submit a picture… You in turn, must open your submissions to receive your KPMSS memento! 

Ajay’s really rocking that pink suit lol, but not as good as Pagan

“NO CANDLES IN KYRAT!” - says the man who has a candle lit for each square foot of his fucking palace

AhahahhahahhahahHA. ¬_¬

Attention subjects and followers.

Over the last month or so, my goal and been to connect with you, my loyal subjects. Some of whom are dear friends, and others whom I’ve never spoken with. Just know that all of you are connected by one, glorious thing. Me, of course. The 50 of you are the first to experience the glory of Pagan Min firsthand. You will go down in history, alongside me, for this! Congratulations. Have a drink - non alcoholic for those who cannot partake, of course - for me, your beloved king.

Originally posted by fh755249254

Wooww, fifty whole followers? What a feat, hermano. You could outdo the number of people following kanye-fucking-west’s twitter with just fifty. Some fucking king. No one even wants to be near you.

Baby steps, Vaas, baby steps. You should know all about that, what with your little baby legs, baby arms, baby dick and baby face. Oh I can’t stop fawning over you, you’re just adorable!! 😙 Like a child on a playground! How cute are you!

That’s a … hell of a comeback? Ha, was that even supposed to fucking insult me? I know i’m fucking adorable. It’s how i get all the pussy and all the shit I want on my island! A-fucking-dorable. I tell you, hermano. I tell you, I, I-fucking adore your shit talking trash mouth. And baby cock? Coming from a Chinese fucking motherfucker? That’s fucking hilarious.

No, no! My dear boy! If course I wasn’t insulting you! What is there to insult? My boy, I’ve no need to defend myself in such a vulgar manner, but you feel the need to insult both me and yourself by engaging in such fruitless behaviour as “shit-talking”. Hey, each to his own, but why not enjoy a civil conversation? Why be a little monkey flinging your shit about like it’s worth something.

GAAARAERRRRYYYYYY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??!?!? IM GOING TO HAVE YOUR HEAD REMOVED FROM YOUR BODY WITH THE BLADES OF MY HELICOPTER, YOUR HEAD IMPALED ON A PIKE IN BANAPUR AND HAVE EVERY SORT OF CARNIVOROUS FAUNA FEAST ON YOUR CHEEKY, MASOCHISTIC ARSE, BECAUSE CLEARLY YOU HAVE A THING FOR PUNISHMENT AFTER POSTING SOMETHING LIKE THIS!! I WILL END YOU PERSONALLY MYSELF AND WILL ENJOY EVERY BIT OF IT

Actually… I don’t mind the look of a more sophisticated looking mustache… I suppose it’s not all terrible.

No. No, wait. It is terrible. I’m coming for you, Gary. I hope you’ve left the palace at this point, because you’re going to need a 500 kilometre head start!

Oh my god

@real-pagan-min Awwwww, is somebody having a fit?

YOU try wearing such an ugly face rug! Ugh, I just find them so…… I hate wearing facial hair….reminds me of a bad hair day but all over my fucking face….

GAAARAERRRRYYYYYY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??!?!? IM GOING TO HAVE YOUR HEAD REMOVED FROM YOUR BODY WITH THE BLADES OF MY HELICOPTER, YOUR HEAD IMPALED ON A PIKE IN BANAPUR AND HAVE EVERY SORT OF CARNIVOROUS FAUNA FEAST ON YOUR CHEEKY, MASOCHISTIC ARSE, BECAUSE CLEARLY YOU HAVE A THING FOR PUNISHMENT AFTER POSTING SOMETHING LIKE THIS!! I WILL END YOU PERSONALLY MYSELF AND WILL ENJOY EVERY BIT OF IT

Actually… I don’t mind the look of a more sophisticated looking mustache… I suppose it’s not all terrible.

No. No, wait. It is terrible. I’m coming for you, Gary. I hope you’ve left the palace at this point, because you’re going to need a 500 kilometre head start!

Oh my god

GAAARAERRRRYYYYYY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??!?!? IM GOING TO HAVE YOUR HEAD REMOVED FROM YOUR BODY WITH THE BLADES OF MY HELICOPTER, YOUR HEAD IMPALED ON A PIKE IN BANAPUR AND HAVE EVERY SORT OF CARNIVOROUS FAUNA FEAST ON YOUR CHEEKY, MASOCHISTIC ARSE, BECAUSE CLEARLY YOU HAVE A THING FOR PUNISHMENT AFTER POSTING SOMETHING LIKE THIS!! I WILL END YOU PERSONALLY MYSELF AND WILL ENJOY EVERY BIT OF IT

Actually… I don’t mind the look of a more sophisticated looking mustache… I suppose it’s not all terrible.

No. No, wait. It is terrible. I’m coming for you, Gary. I hope you’ve left the palace at this point, because you’re going to need a 500 kilometre head start!

Got a new app. Pagan hates beards. You didn’t hear this from me.

@we-re-doomed check this out 😂😂😂😂😂 what a BAD idea

And now imagine him with a porn strache like this

I just had to post this.

What if I went blue… Sort of a pastel, punk-rock eighties look. Hm-hm.

The credit goes to this wonderful subject here. Quite something, isn’t it?