A Smile From Your Heart: Zeki Doujinshi Page 9 by Qiirin

「 You’re the first face that I see… & the last thing I think about. You’re the reason that I’m alive; You’re what I can’t live without, You’re what I can’t live without. 」 ❤

« Ｉｔ ｗａｓ ｎｏｔ ｍｙ ｌｉｐｓ   ｙｏｕ ｋｉｓｓｅｄ．．．   Ｂｕｔ ｍｙ ｓｏｕｌ． »

– Judy Garland.

The seed of terrible desire

Since someone asked me about the seed of  terrible desire, I’ve decided to write a post about it. I’m sorry in advance for my English…it’s not so good, so it might be complicated for me to explain my opinion. However, I’ll try my best!

This is just my opinion and my analysis of the chapter. I’m not trying to convince anyone.

First of all, I want to focus on the title of the chapter, a title with a double meaning: “Ai’s wish”, and “love desire”. I think that this chapter wants to talk about not only  Ai’s wish for a sister, but wants to explore the way of loving, twisted and absolute, of a vampire, in particular of a pureblood. When a vampire can’t satisfy his desires of love,  because his object of love is not available, he can arrive to plunge the world into misery, and as example of that we have Rido Kuran. Rido loved Juuri, but his was an unrequited love, and not being able to satisfy his thirsty and his desires, he became insane. Another example is Kaname, who plunged the word into misery just because of his own selfish desires.

Otherwise, just like Yuki says, a vampire who can’t satisfy his desire of love and that restrains himself, will suffer for the eternity. For example, Ai is in love with Zero, but Zero is already of someone else. She chooses to suppress her feelings, but her pain is too strong…so decides to spend several years sleeping. Ai, just like Rido and Kaname, is a vampire who can’t satisfy her love desire and her thirsty.

Yuki distances herself  from vampires like Rido and Kaname. She is not like them, because if she was,  Zero wouldn’t drink her blood anymore.  BUT in some way…she seems to understand what it means to have so strong desires, to have desires that consume you from the inside. In fact, Yuki admits to have a seed of a terrible desire. She is afraid of it and of the fact she knows well she has the power to fulfill it.

Now…which is the desire she’s talking about? The theme of chapter seems to be the “love desire”, the desire you can feel for another person, not general desires, so… I don’t think she’s referring to her desire to die for Kaname, giving him the humanity. Yes, it’s surely an act of love, but It’s not THAT kind of desire, the desire that only a vampire in love can experience. The desire to die for Kaname, in this chapter, would be out of context. On the other hand, I don’t even think she is referring to her desire for Kaname. If Yuki desires Kaname in the same way Kaname desired her, or in the same way Rido desired Juuri, Yuki certainly wouldn’t be able to find happiness with Zero. Rather, Yuki would became insane or would suffer in eternity.

In my opinion, Yuki is talking about her overwhelming love desire for Zero. Why is it a terrible desire, and why is she afraid of it? It’s a terrible desire because at that precise moment of her life, she can’t satisfy it because of her feelings of guilty towards Kaname. It’s not by chance that Yuki in this chapter says that she is still in pain, and that Zero talks about the senseless burden that Kaname left to her. Yuki would like to be happy with Zero, satisfying in this way her desire, but she can’t,  because she believe do not deserve it, despite she knows too well that if she wanted, she would have the power to fulfill it.

Another reason why I think the seed of desire has nothing to do with Kaname,  it’s because the scene on the bench, where Zero asks Yuki what is the seed of desire she was talking about, it’s an intimate scene between the two of them. They caress each other, they compliment each other, and while Yuki is explaining what is that seed of desire, she is touching Zero’s lips in a sensual way. I doubt that here Yuki is talking about Kaname . At the end Yuki is very vague, and smiling (she is smiling! so It’s clear for me that she is alluding to something that regards Zero), she says to Zero that the rest is a secret. Her desire is a secret because it’s something she can’t admit so openly, to Zero and to herself, because she is not still ready to fulfill her own happiness. In this way, It seems that she force herself to suppress her feelings and her desires. Furthermore, “It’s a secret” because Yuki doesn’t want Zero knows that she has overwhelming and bottomless desires, just like Rido and Kaname had.

So….in this chapter we have Rido, Kaname (even thought he is only mentioned) and Ai, and the three of them are vampires with twisted, overwhelming desires because in a way or another, they can’t obtain their object of love. We have also Yuki, that feels that kind of desires because she restrains herself from taking what she really wants.

Someone could think that the seed of desire is related to Kaname because of the sentence “the desire that is born from a twisted love”, and in particular because of the word “twisted”. I don’t think that “twisted” necessarily means “insane”. I rather think that “twisted” is the way of loving of a vampire, especially of a pureblood. Yuki, Rido, Kaname, Ai…all of them are vampires, but above all they are Kurans, and when they love, this love consume themselves.

Yes, I agree with you. I also think Yuuki found she had the seed of terrible desire when she is away from Zero, and she wants him and his blood.

During the second arch, Yuuki wanted a man and his blood that she couldn’t have, so the world around her fell in the misery and her existence was shrouded in darkness. It was during that time she discovered she had an obsessive desire … But this desire is a shameful secret because she couldn’t (and can’t) admit to Zero and, to the rest of the world, that she wants so much him and his blood.

Thanks for your post. We need a bit of clarity =)

I’ll miss you forever, my sexy knight!

What I saw:

The right sequence of the Zeki history (UPDATED!)

Our “dear” Hino sensei mixed events of her story in the extra chapters of Vampire Knight.

The real sequence of events should be like this:

Zero asks Yuuki to stay with him, but she is torturing herself for the guilt against her brother.

…then Yuuki learns she is pregnant

…so, Zero feeds her and Ai which is in her womb…then…Ai was born.

Zero and Yuki continue their relationship as lovers and Zero helps Yuuki to grow Ai which recognizes him as her father.

Ai grows and Yuuki and Zero still being lovers secretly.

Time passes. Yori dies, but Yuuki and Zero continue being very close.

Even if they are a family already, Zero incites Yuuki to live her life, in the way she wants because he knows that she loves him.

  …so…they decided to make things official, to start being together properly. 

They have a long and happy life together. They have a son.

 Then … Zero passes away and Yuuki says he gave her a lot of happiness …

  At last… shortly after Zero’s death, Yuuki goes and dies.

THE END

Now that the story is really over, I decided to update this post. I hope you like it :)

Credits some images: Amethyst Eyes Forum, Viole869, Imaginarylights.

UPDATED! =)

Love is "Life". Living love is enough.

Sayori Wakaba said: “I have a fulfilling life with the time I was given, that’s enough for me”.

Yori had everything she wanted, she don’t mind dying because she has no regrets.

Zero says, recalling Yori’s words: “the time between then and now belongs to you, it’s ok for you to tresure it. You love me, that’s enough for you right”.

Zero knows that if Yuuki lived a life with him, that she loves, it would be enough for her to have no regrets. In fact, yuuki before she dies, says:“ I have received a lot of happiness from you, Zero”. 

Yuuki had everything she wanted, she don’t mind dying because she has no regrets, exactly like her friend, Yori.

Love is “Life”. Living love is enough.

My Only Love, My Only Hate by ~CrystalizedSights

Zeki by ~lau09arts

Colorize chapter 87