got crunchy joints. crispy bones. popcorn ankles. pop pop pop pop thats me gettin out of bed

you bought a car

you named it

brad

you loved brad

you two had been through everything together

nothing could replace brad

I can’t believe they oblitered straight men like that

@tabbran please add lemon man story to this

PRESENTING LEMON MAN

That was a wild goddamn ride

god this was worth the read

men in greek mythology? scoundrels. just terrible. woeful social skills. murderers. kidnappers. violent misogynists. most of them… never described as handsome so we have to assume they were ugly. 

narcissus? unproblematic. beacon of transformative self love. king of the swerve. gay icon. couldn’t recognize his reflection but neither can my dog, we aren’t holding that against him.

Narcissus wrote this

I refuse to believe Narcissus could read.

i’ve been thinking about this response for the better part of 2 hours and it hasn’t gotten less hysterically funny to me

you can literally lay in bed and eat a block of cheese like an apple and it’s not illegal

This is the FOURTH time the apartment across the hall has blasted Mr. Brightside. What are they doing

Just fine.

donate to my kickstarter so i can build a time machine and

“oh but how will you seduce cleopatra?” you might ask because you’re a moron. it’s simple: i’m 6′2″ and i’m fat. fatness was considered attractive back then because if you were fat, that meant you were wealthy enough to get fat. plus, 6′2″ is unreasonably gigantically tall in the BC times. 

so cleopatra will be like “a giant? AND he’s got stretch marks?” and she’ll instantly become infatuated with my rotund, hairy body 

then i will live in royalty for the rest of my days. kickstarter backers will have their names written in my tomb, baffling archaeologists for centuries to come. 

My favorite part of this is that OP didn’t feel the need to explain how he’d get Julius Caesar addicted to hentai.

every single word of this panel name takes you on a new journey, my brain went to hell when i tried to read this

why is everyone dying to go to the cemetery????

i hate when people in movies/tv are reading ancient languages and they translate everything really smoothly and poetically, as if when people who study ancient languages aren’t consulting three different commentaries and sobbing profusely when we read

ok so like…. it says

“come you all into the deepest cavern, or maybe that’s fireplace, depends on usage, and having come may you give your…. treasures? Skin? Pants? I don’t know, something…. to the….. about-to-be-adored guy, that one who…. okay, he either causes earthquakes or sleeps a lot, I think this might be an idiom….”

“ok, sorry that took so long and i hate to disappoint but i’m still not entirely sure what it means, like, it could be something about a religious ceremony or it could be a dick joke. leaning towards dick joke, might be both. knowing the ancients, probably both. this could very well be an ancient dick temple and we should probably leave.”

Funnest part is when you get shit like this:

Why yes that is a text comprised of almost exclusively crocodile hieroglyphs.

We also can’t get a coherent translation because the grammar makes absolutely no sense. Participles and Participial statements all the way. Sobek who is Crocodile of Crocodopolis who advances the Crocodile for the Crocodiles….

The crocodile hieroglyph is also used to write sovereign and an adjective meaning power…so the text is suuuuuuuper confusing.

As someone who knows nothing of hieroglyphics, I would assume this meant “There’s a lot of crocodiles here, you should probably leave.”

Buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo, ancient Egyptian style.

but with that triple meaning for crocodile hieroglyph, my guess is that this is a very clever punny poem or political satire piece, about a mighty crocodile king and his crocodile subjects who are all crocodiles from crocodile houses with crocodile children and crocodile jobs and crocodile dreams. all written with as many homonyms/homophones/homographs as the writer could possibly cram in

*rolls around in happy language feels*

@ukulelekatie

tag yourself im puff

Had a dream where I was sitting in a dark office and reality felt really altered and strange and there was just a fishtank illuminating the room and then this fuckin fish looked at me and grinned with human teeth and in this super deep voice said “you’ve been here awhile, better wake up before you forget how to” and I fuckin woke up in a cold sweat

Dude I think you went to hell

I took a break from studying to draw this and honestly I think I deserve it after writing two exams in one day :’)