everyone knows the only real cure for depression is to do something drastic to ur hair

I just realized I haven’t told you guys about how 3rd President of the United States Thomas Jefferson haunts my dorm room.

Okay so basically at the beginning of the year, weird shit began happening in our dorm room, me and my roommate would hear/see things, TVs and phones and computers would start on there own and do other weird things. 

We decided jokingly that the room was haunted and named the ghost Jeff and even made it a door tag. 

Me and my roommate began to notice a trend it the activity of “Jeff” He always seemed to act up most when I talked shit about Thomas Jefferson or James Madison’s personality/policies/etc. 

We began to joke that it was Thomas Jefferson or James Madison (hell we even joked it might be Dolley)

Well the other day, our ghost confirmed himself as “Thomas Jefferson.” 

After a particularly rude attack on Thomas Jefferson character (I claimed the best thing he ever did was die.) A fucking giant ass jumbo size box of Mac and Cheese fell off of the tallest shelf in our dorm room. 

I’m talking one of these babies but it’s like a 20 pack. To me it’s obviously that this is obviously proof that “inventor” of mac and cheese, 3rd President of the United States who was born and died in Virginia travelled to Upstate New York in an area he never even came close to in his life to haunt my dorm 

My roommate is not convinced though: She still thinks it could be James Madison. 

But a Madison-sized ghost couldn’t have reached the mac and cheese (We conducted an experiment to see if Madison would have been able to reach it when he was only 5′4″ and being 5′4″, I couldn’t even reach it jumping up and down.)

So yes, me and my roommate have proved undeniable that Thomas Jefferson haunts our dorm room.

Also she pointed out that we randomly named the ghost “Jeff” which is pretty fucking close to Jefferson. Coincidence? OBVIOUSLY NOT.

“But a Madison-sized ghost couldn’t have reached the mac and cheese” 

I’m so glad I was alive to see this sentence written.

Why were you regularly shit talking founding fathers tho

I’m a salty U.S. History Major, that’s why

This is the quality content I signed up for

if youre ever feeling down about your body shape, just think about how many different shapes of dog there are & how great every single one of them is

“she was chaos and beauty intertwined – a tornado of roses from divine.” -shakieb orgunwall 

cosplayer: @lisnathan

Me: *crying so hard my stomach hurts* Me the next minute: feelings??? Who is she??? She bad?? She got friends??

Gus talking to Hazel about protected sex..

It’s a metaphor, see: You put the baby making thing right in you, but you don’t give it the power to do its baby making…

OH MY GOD 

i would hit my brother in the face with a spinning heel kick for sixty bucks

person who made this doesn’t have siblings

i was talking to my brother about something one day and i had the hiccups but then started to cough and well that led to me falling on the floor choking. i mean i could not stop choking ok. and he sat there LAUGHING with LEGIT TEARS in his eyes pointing. i lived obviously but afterwards he said it was the funniest thing ever to see me almost choke to death.

anyways i love him with all my heart but i’d honestly kick him in the head for a small fry from mcdonalds.

assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student ID number

“don’t call yourself a fan if you __________” hunty kendall jenner is out there calling herself a model lmao I’ll call myself whatever the fuck I want

I screamt

It would be sexy if all the molecular bonds in my body broke at the same time and I just poofed into dust and vapors boom bitch she’s obliterated she’s nonexistent

Santa Stop Her

before its too late

I think as a species we don’t need to produce any more alice in wonderland related media. I think we’re good on that one