(but warm inside)

it must be nice to be so in your own world that you have no concern for ppl close to you and to know u can just throw a tantrum and get what you want because its easier than ppl dealing with your relentless carelessness

probably a Bad Sign that i feel so uncomfortable and upset when i'm home these days

imagine a person appreciating and wanting me for something other than sex......what an unfamiliar concept

a follow up/reminder .. every man who hurts me is soooo so small to me. they mean nothing. they do not define me! they try to manipulate me to shape my feelings and actions around their insecurities and egos but ....... i ... do not care for it! at all. i am literally the sweetest most accommodating person i have ever met in my entire life. so if any of my behavior ever offends (a man).....your expectations must be wildly inappropriate!

ok i was so uncharacteristically negative and anxious all day today but ..... i am so blessed. I LOVE my job and (the majority of) the people i work with. i have amazing friends all over the country (world?!) who are understanding of each other's busy schedules but still make time for each other (im going to fucking seattle ON WEDNESDAY to see kandi raven and ian !!! !). I have a beautiful exposed wood roof over my head. tonight i will sleep in my own comfortable bed and stretch out knowing i can sleep in tomorrow. sunday is my day of peace. i have a supportive mom and dad and two brothers who are healthy and alive and a phone call or a drive / plane away. i love where i live, even if i've been here for five years i still fall in love every day - i went to a new bar tonight! i'm not going to bed hungry. im a beautiful wonderful human surrounded by beautiful people and experiences and ideas. there is no reason for me to open the door to negativity or to let those who detriment my wellbeing into my space. i'm so so full of love and life.

i wonder why i became so much more boring after i graduated. in general i got more boring as i got older. i used to listen to so much music, and go to shows. studied japanese every day. loved makeup and cooking and just like had so many more interests. i read all the time, loved the discourse.... now i feel like i shy away from anything serious? im much less talkative and while im more truthful now i hate talking about myself so so much. i always had a hard time putting together any coherent identity for myself but i feel like its so much more translucent now. the only thing i really feel like im still as good at is socializing because i do it all the time at work but it totally depletes my social energy level and i just wanna be aloooone when i get home. what tf is wrong with me! i blame money, and men

I wish so badly i could just have a fun peaceful christmas with my family there's literally nothing i want more. i want to laugh and cook and share presents and listen to music and drink and have fun with my family so so badly. but instead i'm hiding in my bedroom from an alcoholic because my existence is enough to cause conflict... as usual! merry christmas !

U win society!!!!!!! My christmas spirit has been drained lol were all living in hell where abuse and torture is Fine as long as people profit off it! nothing mattrs and human and nonhuman animals are commodities with price tags on them and apparently everyone but me can Just FOrget horrible Literal Facts and turn off their brains and just keep throwing money at horrible industries and keep living in a shitty little bubble where whatever the fuck you want to be true is and keep telling yourself that bc you cant admit your ways are FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE FUCKING cares about anything right, fuck animals and fuck poor people and jyst fuck everything that doesnt live up to the stupid fucking ideal american capitalism sold you!!!!!!!!!!! im surrounded by actual monsters and i dont wnt to exist in a world that is SO OVERWHELMINGLy BAD ANY FUCKING MORE

i feel so bad :( i've been sick for over two weeks now at first w just a bad cold but then it turned into an ear infection and i haven't been able to hear well for a week now and i keep running fevers so i'm either freezing or sweating at all times!!! and i can't stop coughing and my entire body aches i don't feel like myself and i can barely drag myself out of bed :( i hate this!!! i'm taking such good care of myself too drinking like 5 + liters of water and juice a day and yet i continue to feel like i'm being ran over by a truck!!!!!!!

i have a laptop again after about a year! and it feels great : ) after i graduated and my laptop broke i thought maybe i could live without one bc i m not in school but,,,..... i feel like im not a real person without one,,.... i learned u cant do it all from ur phone when youre used to ur computer</3 anyway shoutout to me for buying this for myself