I thought this was hilarious when I was drunk

fictional kiss things that end me

Also:

…. I like fictional kisses, mk?

also: •jawline kisses •Eskimo kisses •when someone kisses the other person’s hand(s) •shoulder kisses •cheek kisses •when one person’s face is scrunched up, and the other one kisses their lips/nose/forehead •that thing where someone turns into an unexpected kiss, like there were turning around and the other person was just super close •accidental kisses that turn into a giggling fit •kissing eyelids to show reverence •top of head kisses •when one person says “move away if you don’t want this” and the other person moves in for the kiss •height difference kisses where one person has to bend do wn and the other is on their tippy toes •kisses where one person is sitting in the other’s lap •awkward fumbling kisses where their both so excited that it’s sloppy and teeth clash •kisses where a person punctuates every word with a chaste kiss •kisses meant to distract the other person from whatever they were intently doing •KISSES

DID SOMEONE SAY KISSING PROMPTS?

Wtf is sephora

It sounds scary

isn’t that the guy with the long white hair from final fantasy

no your thinking of sephiroth, a sephora is an angel belonging to the highest order of angels

No you’re thinking of a Seraph

A sephora is a second year college or high school student

No, you’re thinking of sophomore. A sephora is when you use your phone to take a picture of yourself.

no, you’re thinking of a selfie. a sephora is a calm breeze.

No, you’re thinking of a zephyr. A sephora is one of those Greek vases with the two handles and the pictures.

You’re thinking of an amphora. Sephora is the web browser you have to use on iOS devices.

You’re thinking of Safari.  Sephora is an informal term for the seven-week period of counting the days between Pesach and Shavuot in the Jewish calendar.

You’re thinking of Sefiras. Sephora is a bright blue gemstone best known for combining with Ruby to create Garnet and lead the Crystal Gems, training Pokemon, and/or assisting Steel to fight against time’s intrusions into our realm.

No, you’re thinking of sapphire. Sephora is actually a part of a flower; it protects the flower in bud and supports the petals in bloom.

No, you’re thinking of sepal. Sephora is the wife of Moses, who lead the Israelites people out of Egypt. 

No, you’re thinking of Tzipporah. Sephora was an ancient Greek poet who inspired a lot of lady-lovin’.

No, you’re thinking of Sappho.

Sephora is the youngest of the five Marx brothers.

No, you’re thinking of Zeppo.

Sephora is the Heimdall’s sister.

No no no guys, you’re thinking of Sif. Sephora is a venereal disease that turns your brain to swiss cheese, going so far as to destroy external features like the nose. Famous gangster Al Capone suffered from sephora.

No, you’re thinking of syphilis. Sephora is that radiant feeling you get when you have found perfect peace and happiness.

No, you’re thinking of euphoria. Sephora’s a fucking makeup store you dipshits.

Only blogging because this is my favorite tumblr post and i can never find it when I need to.

my bf has many interesting stories and observations from his new job as a 911 operator

my favorite is how meandering people are, even in the midst of a terrible emergency

they respond to “what is the emergency” with “well, the thing is, four weeks ago–”

and then he’s like “WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW”

and they’re like “so what happened this morning was, i said to my wife, i said–”

“WHAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING AT THIS MOMENT”

“oh i’m having a heart attack”

my second favorite is how specific he has to get sometimes

like, “what is your emergency?”

“i’m sitting in a pool of blood.”

“… is it… your blood?”

“yes i think so”

“do you know where it’s coming from?”

“probably the stab wound”

“have you been stabbed?”

“oh yah definitely”

In all fairness shock is a hell of a drug

im the bitch that started with “well, the thing is, four weeks ago…..”

Sliver of Gold by Abi Ashra (Tumblr)

my mom has a friend who has a failed program-service dog and he’s literally my favorite creature

He’s a really smart lab, he learned all the commands, but he just has an affinity for doing them whenever he wants

So this lady’s dog literally turns on-off lights, opens doors, opens the fridge, etc… at his own wishes.

Her house looks like its baby-proofed, with kid safe locks on everything and stuff, but really she just has a dog that’s learned all the mobility service dog commands but has a mind of his own.

Chaotic Good Boy

I'm a slut for beautiful sunsets and the stars

A masterpiece

“You guys gotta leave…”

He’s so cute

i can no longer take any description of a male protagonist seriously if the writer describes him as ‘brooding’

because i used to think ‘oh, that’s sexy and mysterious, etc’

and now i think of this

once you’ve been loudly cussed out by 2.5 lbs of feathers, that word only ever means one thing

This is the kinda brooding i WANNA see

#so this behavior basically translates to nonstop cuddling of offspring and vocal aggression towards anything that tries to prevent that #tbh i would be delighted to see male protagonists do just this sort of thing (via starfoozle)

I just had to explain what I was cackling at to my roommate. It automatically passes the Laugh Rule.

She found her reluctant fiance, Erstad, brooding out on the rainy moors. 

“Is that a baby rabbit?” she asked, observing his huddled form. 

“IT’S SIX BABY RABBITS AND YOU CAN’T TOUCH THEM,” replied Ernstad, contriving to look twice his usual size and at least three times his usual fierceness. 

“Whoah okay damn,” she said, and backed away. 

Vine… you will be missed

I haven’t seen a lot of these ones before hahaha

“nice, ron…” “oh am i not allowed to sneeze?”

THE SOCK MOM OH YM G-D,,

The cat’s name is basically Maya Cream-nose thats so adorable!!!

That cat is the colour of late autumn - the last of the fallen leaves and the first of the arriving snow

Star and Snow.

WTF Zodiac Signs Daily Horoscope!