https://www.instagram.com/p/Bi9kb7jnnBm/

So the drugstore I was in today had a perfume display. Here are some of the perfumes I came across.

Dirt

Funeral Home

Weed

Grass

Holy Water

Laundromat

Leather

New Zealand 

Play-Doh 

Wet Garden

Tomato

Suntan Lotion

Sex on the Beach

Riding Crop

Soap

And Finally, Swimming Pool

The laundromat one actually smells really good, but when people asked me what scent i was wearing i was like ‘ummmmmmmmm’

catch me out here in my custom weed, holy water and riding crop scent I call it eau de sex positive portland youth pastor 

Doctor : Does it hurt?

Mother : Yes, a lot.

Doctor : So are we vaccinating the baby, or should I slap you again?

honestly if someone tenderly cradled my face i think at this point i would probably blackout

ladies are u all ok

no

Yeah sex is great and all but have you ever voted a Republican out of office?

the idea of consuming two conflicting things that promise to do the opposite of each other has always been hilarious to me. there’s a liquid shot-based sleep aid called 6 hour sleep and as soon as I saw it i immediately imagined mixing it and a 5 hour energy together for a 1 hour nap

mix NyQuil and DayQuil to create Quil

what does Quil do

All the time all the time

If you think about it in the shower, you’re not over it

anyone interested in seeing 6 new frogs

Boys? In THIS economy?!

I need to stop imagining unrealistic scenarios in my head

Huuuusband❤️

“do you have a type?”

uh yeah, women I’m slightly afraid of

#my type is basically women I’m slightly afraid of #and men I can be 100% sure I will never ever ever have to be afraid of (via @crazy-pages)

[hozier voice] amen, aaaameeen, aaaaaaaaaaaameeeeeeeeeeen