Hello Tumblr, I am the fanfiction writer known as tsubakiihime on ff.net and ao3. I wrote the bellamione/snarry story Loopholes and I'm so glad a lot of people enjoyed my story. Well, it's been a few years since then and I've recently found my old scraps for the sequels I had planned for not only that story, but a few others as well. Since I'm not sure if I'm ever going to finish them I really want to share the concepts with you guys anyway. They were pretty funny.

For starters, can you imagine Bellatrix wearing a cat suit on a stripper pole? And her stripper name is 'Bag of Tricks The Strange.' She lost a bet with Hermione and had to wear the suit as a punishment. Oh, and Hermione is a bartender now. Narcissa and Lucius bought the bar that Harry and Severus met up at and made renovations to it. They host different theme nights every weekend like one week it will be 70's, the next week it might be the 80's, and everyone who shows up in costume gets free drinks. Can you imagine Narcissa "Muggle Accessory" Malfoy dressed in a uniform from the movie Ghost Busters? It's canon baby. Hermione has a "special" drink she serves to customers, too, though what it does is a surprise ;)

I was going to have Harry and Severus meet up at the bar again for a special night, this time Lucius would be invited in on the fun. But lo and behold while they're in the middle of having hot steamy Death Eater sex, a gang of wizard ghosts pop in on them and start gang banging with them. Severus and Lucius can't see the ghosts of course but Harry can, and it makes it every bit as awkward, confusing, and arousing to constantly hear, "yaaaas Daddy, harder!" In your ear by literal ghosts while you're trying to have actual sex. Then suddenly Narcissa bursts through the door in her ghost busters uniform and screams, "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE GODDAMN GHOSTS!" She and Lucius then get in a heated argument about how much revenue has increased due to them being featured on that hit Muggle TV show Ghost Adventures.

Later on Harry talks to Hermione at the bar and you find out that the ghosts weren't real at all. It's a special effects of Hermione's drink- it makes people hallucinate and see raunchy gangbanging ghosts all over the place. It's what makes their bar so popular with the Muggles. Who knew?

I've had this little one shot sitting in my files for years, unfinished. I figured, if I can't finish it then I can at least share the concept with the world. Someone will enjoy it.

Cheers, and thanks for reading my stuff. Thanks for all the kudos and comments on my stories. I enjoy reading through them. Seriously, thank you. 😊

Loopholes is pure crack and I love it. If you've got time to waste give it a go.

[Ignore the terrible photoshop]

"Get comfortable,” Narcissa propped herself in a sitting position in the middle of the bed. Hermione sat in front of her, legs crossed. Both women took a moment to relax into each other’s company. “We’ll do the hard part first.”

She grabbed Hermione's hands and brought them to rest on her knees.

“Close your eyes and think of something… Happy. Something that brings you joy.”

“So.. This is like conjuring a Patronus?” Hermione asked.

Narcissa pursed her lips. “In a way, yes. A hybrid of Lumos and a Patronus, you could say. A Patronus has a natural protective aura that takes a physical form, which is powered by the memory you’ve used to produce it. But this spell only draws from the aura and nothing else. The light is what powers it. Without the light, it's useless.”

Hermione furrowed her brow, still not quite understanding. “But a Patronus gives off a light of its own, right? So why not just cast a Patronus?”

Narcissa shook her head. “Completely different lights. Close your eyes, you'll understand once you give it a try.”

Hermione sighed and did as she was told. Happy… Happy…. Happy…. Happy………

She was met with a wall of white static.

“I've got nothing,” she sighed after a few seconds. She heard Narcissa chuckle.

"You barely tried," Narcissa embraced her. Hermione felt herself relax despite her mind’s tension. She just couldn’t allow herself to feel “happy” after everything that happened.

“Am I allowed to be happy?” she timidly spoke around the soothing arms that held her.

“Yes,” came the stubborn reply she knew all too well. “Do you trust me?” Slim arms wrapped themselves around Hermione's waist.

“Yes,” Hermione murmured.

"Then let go,” Narcissa whispered and Hermione closed her eyes once more. “Find that place that you've kept hidden. Locked away deep in your heart.” Narcissa placed a hand over her chest, “The place you've always longed for, the feelings you’ve left forgotten. They’re there, I know they are. And I know you can draw them out.”

Hermione released a deep sigh and let her heart relax. Funny, it seemed, the closest thing she had to happiness these days were moments like this, so calm and serene with the one woman who truly knew how to keep her safe.

“Yes, that's it,” Narcissa worked her magic over the younger witch. "Something warm, something soft, something light, something that will always bring you happiness even in the darkest of times.”

Narcissa slid her hand down to Hermione’s wrist and lifted her wand until it was pointed at the ceiling.

“Now, cast the spell.”

"Luminescence.”

The room came to life in a spurt of soft pink. Flowers in wreaths of roses and lilies cast in vines bloomed around the windows and spread across the entire room. Scones of mini candles were conjured; they set to work dancing star shaped shadows across the ceiling. Hermione sat admiring their glow.

“They're beautiful.”

Narcissa gave a soft laugh from her neck.

“Pink? In my bedroom?”

“What, do you not like it? I don't know how I did it, but maybe I could change it?”

“No, it's perfectly fine,” Narcissa nuzzled. “Such a strong aura. See the flowers?” She pointed to the window, Hermione gasped.

“I did that?”

“Mmmhmm,” she hummed. “What on Earth were you thinking about?”

Hermione fell silent, face flushed, her thumbs fiddling in her lap. She smiled to herself.

"Nothing."

- An excerpt from Luminescence Chapter Seven, available on ao3 and ff (link in notes. Tumblr hates it when I post links)

I just like reading and writing teenage awkwardness. It's the best, most awkward kind of awkwardness to write.

harry potter and the pryramid of azkaban

illuminati confirmed

Me Planning a Sequel...

Me: Maybe I should read the main story again- Muse: You just did like, 2 days ago! Me: Yeah but maybe I missed something, you know? Something BIG, you know??! I’m gonna- Muse: Read it again and you’ll hate it. Me: …. Me: shit u right tho

wizard tattoos that dance around your body but like to sleep in the place where they were originally put