haha and then what ;)

"con artist" is maybe the profession with the biggest gap between How Cool They Are In Media and How Cool They Are In Real Life

fictional con artist: I've gathered you all here because you each have unique skills and specialties that will be required for the Ultimate Heist: psychologically destroying the richest man in the world, and taking his mansions, his yacht, and his wife in the process.

real life con artist: plan A is to scare an old lady who barely speaks English. plan B, is to trick unemployed people into giving us money, which they famously have a lot of, in exchange for broadly-defined Career Services. plan C is we try to make NFTs a thing again

GIFTOBER 2022

DAY TWENTY-SIX: BAD WEATHER

Nothing could have prepared me to learn this is from It's Always Sunny and not some drama film

what the fuck is a salesforce. we're briefly alive for a few violent decades

not everything you like has to be called “punk” for it to be okay for you to like it. you can just say you think something is cool without trying to find some way to spin it as fitting within the political ideology & music subculture of punk. it’s ok. you can just say you like a thing. it doesn’t have to be punk. please stop trying to make everything punk. im going to hurt you

[incredibles meme voice] and when everything is “punk” or “radical counterculture”, nothing is.

kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically

dmv: can i have you birth certificate

me: i dont have it but you can trust! 😁✌️

dmv: ok! 😁✌️here is your license

me: its so small and cute! 😳

dmv: just like you! ☺️

can't get an algorithm like this on twitter

The Panama Canal

reading this deposition that just got dropped where someone sued musk and ohhhh my god it is this funniest thing ever . i can see why his lawyer tried to keep this confidential . they’re both maybe the biggest idiots . this is like ace attorney

PLEASE read this

bankston is my HERO he’s tearing these people apart

damn

HE LEFT

????

oh my god

KILL HIM

he is DONE.

HELP ME .

wow. ok.

genuinely first two pages he says that he thinks ben’s lawyer is the one who is actually suing him and admits he has no clue what the lawsuit is about .

doing a reread now this is so cunty

goddamn .

fun fact: the Mr. Bankston here is Mark Bankston, the same lawyer who absolutely ruined Alex Jones during the Sandy Hook trial.

in case you were curious, this is the current state of NFT crypto bros on twitter

"my kids know me as this ape"

"I met my wife when I WAS in this ape" what does he mean by in this ape???? Why the all caps "WAS" XD.

god imagine how much better the world would be if these people just commissioned some fucking fursonas with all that money instead

watching mstief’s writing the raven cycle webinar and I just want everyone to know that she just explicitly stated that adam was supposed to go full villain in her first draft but changed her mind bc “the worst thing that could happen is they stop being friends”

SHE ALSO JUST SAID GANSEY WAS LOOSELY INSPIRED BY TINTIN?

omg she was talking about writing unpleasant characters and gave this “pet possum paradox” metaphor about how if you see a dead possum on the road you likely won’t care about it as much as if the possum had a collar on it bc that would mean it was someone’s pet and the only difference that makes it sad is that someone loved it. And she essentially said that the only reason ronan worked as a character and didn’t make readers instantly hate him is bc he was essentially gansey’s pet possum. yeah I’m fine

[maggie talking about the dream thieves, specifically referring to gansey and adam]: “this is the one where the boys are bitches”

other highlights:

sometimes it’s better refrain from deep introspection and allow yourself to just be.

and by that I mean: I don’t have to sit with myself and overthink and analyze and rationalize every ounce of my being. I am not a case study I am a person. faults and all. like any other person. sometimes I have to look at my mistakes and avoid self flagellation. sigh and learn what I can and move on. remember that I am living, and this is part of the process. free myself of that inner critic. allow myself to be, and try again.

“I’m not shaken by his words,” says sixteen year old Sidney Crosby who I am eating alive.

The fact that he’s not actually struggling but just learned a habit from watching his human buddy snap bamboo is so precious.

gonna start asking hockey dudes on tinder if they can define goaltender interference and if they give me any answer other than “i don’t know” i’m unmatching them

men? not disappointing me? what is this feeling

how do i tell these guys this post got 200+ notes on tumblr

UPDATE ONE OF THESE GUYS IS ACTUALLY A REF I’M LAUGHING SO HARD