That one dude in the back

full offense but none of you would have ever survived fanfiction.net in 2009

remember when writers had to be all like: “omg omg lemon starts HERE” y’all are lucky that ao3 has tags and filters you can set

Sometimes shit was marked “lemon” and it’d just be them making out, and sometimes they’d just start pissing on each other

No rules, no laws, you took your life into your hands opening fics

A/N: this contains SLASH, that means TWO MEN, if that makes you uncomfy, DON’T READ!

A/N: please don’t sue me, o anime overlords, I’m not making any money off of this! I’m just a broke student! I don’t have any money!

A/N: I totally wrote this while high off 10 Red Bulls wheeeeeee!!!!!

A/N: COMMENT if you want me to continue the next chappy!!!

No, no, no

remember when there’d be interactions with the author and the characters?

InuYasha: I don’t get why I have to be here for this

A/N: Because it was in your contract!!1!1 *revs chainsaw*

god those were lawless times. 

…I’m fucking SWEATING

this is literally giving me flashbacks

“sexualizing or fantasizing about real people is bad” is still my favorite tumblr opinion

this might’ve been twitter but i’d like to remind everyone of the subsequent 400 IQ take, “you should ask people for consent before masturbating to the thought of them”

WHAT

i think i saw that tweet actually! they said specifically that witchy and spiritual people KNOW you’re getting off to them and you should ask first lmao. if that’s not projecting idk what is

this is making my brain short circuit

No. Yes we do know, i receive nasty disturbing visions out of nowhere and when i walk past them again i instantly know as well as them from their facial language. but if they are hot then yes i enjoy it and its not really bad but You Should At Least Ask Psychic Permission beforehand please…..

i would love to study you

I mean from a witchy perspective, if you know someone has fantasised about you just from walking past them, then that’s your fault for not erecting proper psychic wards. It’s not some random stranger’s responsibility to deal with you projecting your psyche everywhere

how did this post turn into this what the fuck is happening

[We pass each other on the street and my overwhelming psychic power smashes your wards like an egg. You are unable to resist my erotic fantasies about the canadian supreme court.]

i’m not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon. a planet with one dense, root beer scented atmosphere blocking out the sun and choking all life. 

i consider this a sort of prose poem to be honest

this is so unhinged oh my god

HOW ARE THEY DOING THAT

People will swim in the ocean, even though there are definitely many corpses in it. People will not swim in a pool with a corpse in it. Humans all have a corpse:water ratio that is acceptable for them to swim in.

flat sprite…………………………

do you ever see something and think “wow. that is violently american”

You mean like glazed-donut-bacon-cheeseburgers?

exactly

any work of fiction with dragons that doesn’t have AT LEAST one person who thinks they’re adorable and want to pet them fails and is bad writing. if all your characters hate dragons your story is stupid.

“b-but they breathe fire, and eat people and livestock, and are just generally extremely dangerous!” one word: dogs

“b-but people would die trying to tame them! they’re giant apex predators!”

I mean, to be fair dogs don’t breath fire

That we know of, anyway

lmao look guys this person doesn’t even know about the fire breathing dogs

my mom says she’s not a hugger. but when i put my arms around her on a gloomy day or after bad news she’s the last to let go. my dad says he doesn’t want gifts on his birthday, but i see the way his face light up when i get him a card with a nice message and a box full of chocolate anyway. he’s just a kid inside, still. it makes him giddy. my brother never says i love you. but when i tell him “i just need to finish the dishes before i vacuum!” he wordlessly goes to vacuum the entire house before i can, and if he sees me struggle with a wrapper or a jar or a bottle he mutters ‘c’mere’ and opens it for me without even sparing me a glance. the thing is, people love you quietly, and you love them quietly, and the air is buzzing with tiny but grand gestures & once you look for them, you find them everywhere. i think that’s really beautiful.

My best/favorite teacher would literally take off the points for a question that the majority of the class got wrong from the total on the test and then hold a lesson on the topic because she realized if 90% of her students didn’t know the answer then she hadn’t done a good job teaching it.

I hate it when teachers take pride in having a large percentage of students get bad grades in their classes. It just means that students aren’t learning from you

I'm about to contract lycanthropy!

My what a guy that Gaston!

[video begins with the camera pointing towards the ground showing the narrator’s black socks and white cane. He’s tapping their cane on hardwood flooring as he slowly walks forward.]

“So people ask me all the time ‘what’s the worst part about being visually impaired? Is it not being able to drive? Is it not being able to see the stars at night?’ But no. It’s when you drop a tomato on the ground [they turn a corner] and you can’t see it but you know it’s somewhere [the tomato is revealed] around here and you’re trying to find it. [his right foot touches the tomato] Oh, I just kicked it. Here buddy. Marco! [he turns in a circle as he says] Imma find this bitch. I don’t know where it is but imma find you.”