This is honest to god the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life

This 1️⃣ goes out to all the horny 💏 couples out there who are thinking 🤔 of getting rowdy 🔞 this 💌Valentines💮 day evening: 👍 👎DO ❌️ NOT👍 👎 If you do your child 🧒 will be born 👏 a ♏SCORPIO♏ Now, why ❓️ don’t ❌️ we like Scorpio's♏? For starters, “Scorpio” has 7️⃣ letters 🔠. 7️⃣ letters 🔠: 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins ✝️ 🙅‍♀ Now, what are the 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins? Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy 👏👏 Envy is associated with the color GREEN 💚 What else is green 💚? Marijuana. Just 1️⃣ more pothead in the world 🗺️. LAME. Now where is pot 🍲 legal? Canada 🇨🇦, Washington, Colorado, Oregon, Alaska, airplane ✈️ bathrooms if the pilot’s 👨‍✈️ chill. And where can 🥫 planes ✈️ take you? California 🕶. And what’s on California’s state flag 🚩? A BEAR 🐻. Your child 🧒. Is gay 👨‍❤️‍👨.

It took Oscar Wilde like 65K words to say this exact thing.

Source

Source

That last fucking sentence.

evil shrimp giving breakup advice: If you have prawnblems with him why not shrimply… krill him?

The chair 🪑 has been 🫘 a 🔥very 😈🔥 bad 🔥👿chair.🙀🙈🙉🙊 Nothing💀 remained 🍒to be done 👏💥 but to🪢tie 👔 it up ⛓️ and put it in ⏰ time ⌚ out to 🧠 think 🧠 about 🎡 its 💪 actions. 🍆💦🤤

You just know the NYT has a “style guide” for this sort of thing.

Maybe someone there should get fed up and leak it.

Taylor Swift and Aaron Dessner performing seven as one of the surprise songs at The Eras Tour on June 17th, 2023 - (x)