Day 3 of feeling great! I'm so happy! I swam 30 minutes or so and also walked. I feel like my legs are toning up slowly. Also I put on my leggings for the first time in at least a month and they arent tight around the waist! Huzzah! Anyway I've been doing some quarantine art and its just for fun but I've been so happy doing it. I thought I'd share.

Workout song suggestions?

I'm feeling really good today. Thank God, honestly. I needed hope. And this is it. There is hope- I will feel better. I've been super productive today with dishes and laundry and my treadmill walk. Here's to feeling good!!

Veggies from the garden!!! Yay!

Always the same two photos? Yesterday I started some medicine. I hope it helps. I already feel a drop in my anxiety. I didn't realize I was feeling anxiety almost constantly. Today I did a bit slower of a walk- my foot and low back started to hurt?? So maybe more focused movement in the pool. Oh and I ate a cheeseburger yesterday. 🙊 first glutens in at least a month. Trying to not obsess over it, back to the grind today.

I felt good on my walk. I didn't want to stop, but I have an acupunctureappointment to go to. Able to up my speed comfortably. I'm proud of that progress! Saw a psychiatrist today. She prescribed an antidepressant/anti anxiety med. I felt fine with it until I looked at the possible side effects. Truth is, I've had some bad days lately. Lots of thoughts around self harm. It's hard to talk about it when you're in it. But now I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't with this medicine. All aboard the struggle bus I guess.

2.5 hours swimming and almost .5 on the treadmill. My foot was hurting so I had to stop after a mile. Seriously though- proud of all the activity. I'm going to fall into bed tonight. It's just that I've had so much anxiety/general feeling badness lately and being active almost immediately makes me feel good so it's easy to keep it up. And day 1 (again) no sugar. Hoping to make it until my next Dr. appt without it. Thinking about cutting out dairy as well, aiming for paleo long term. The only other noteworthy thing I did today was sort all my papers and got ready to do my very late taxes.

We picked strawberries today at a local farm since it was nice and cool (in the 70s). I loved my hair today which then got pulled up for yard work and another at least hour of swimming. Phew, I'm tired today. I've had a few good days in a row and it's strange but I'm scared/anxious about that. Like. When is it going to hit me again? Why am I having good days- is it just the weekend or because I have been eating pretty dang good and being active every day? And if that's the case then really do I need to try medicine to help? Has it all just been me feeling shitty because of lifestyle choices? Ugh.

Also, I swam for an hour today. It was lovely.

Homemade kombucha (raspberry+blueberry, apple cider, peach lemon green tea, mango) and the plants on my deck- zinnia and lemon balm and poppies in big blue pots then transplanted mint, sunflowers and celery today. 😍

Also it me, in all my big belly glory. Realized I havent taken a pic like this in a long time. What better time than when you start back on the fitness train? Slow 30 minute walk. Contemplative post therapy reflection. How did I get so far away from myself? So shut in. "Emotionally and physically " as my therapist said. Damn. Nail on the head.

Y'all. Get you a good therapist. They're sweet angels from heaven. Somehow this woman I've known for 6 months gets me better than I get myself. She says things and I'm like.... yeah you're 100% right. Why didn't I think of that? 12/10 would recommend to everybody.

So so sooooooo excited to see my therapist today! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

My garden! 😍🤩 Some things are growing well, some things are not...

Grumpy AF today. Should probably journal through it because I dont even know what's going on. #grumpyyyyyyy

Yesterday felt a bit like a "last hurrah" after my Dr. appt. Hence the ice cream which was 👌 btw. I've been having pain in my ovarian region for a couple months, which spurred the appointment as we have been monitoring my hormones. Ultimately, I've been battling depression. I've had some tough times lately. Suicidal thoughts creeping back in. I've been having them off and on for a year or so now... year and a half I guess. After about 6 months of therapy my therapist finally said I should consider taking something, if I felt pulled. I had already been wondering about it. So I saw my doctor and he referred me to someone. So today. I called. I made an appointment. I feel relief.

It me. Doing a thing. Seeing my doctor. Sooooooo nervous.