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BASKET ISNT AN OPTION

@duckhuntandmeatballmarinara / duckhuntandmeatballmarinara.tumblr.com

"But in the end what leaves you broken in the end it makes you better" Simi/Lina, roleplayer, writer, geek, silly, chaotic, fangirl, plotter of all things evil. "A CUTE THING OF EVIL AND MAYHEM!" - Maggie Disclaimer: I have a lot of feels for a lot of...
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I’m DMing a game, and one of my players (a forever DM) is playing a very flirty gnome (bard) named Teddywinks. He recently successfully flirted with a bookshop owner, and asked for book suggestions (specifically, one of her favorites). I rolled for her preferences, and… well… it wasn’t quite Fifty Shades of Grey, but she wouldn’t be opposed to something like it.

Anyway, I’m not good at improv, so as a table we discussed a title for the book (The Noble Caress), and I gave my player full creative liberty on the contents thereof.

This happened today:

Did I mention this player’s a writer? 😂

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you know what’s always bugged me? when a character is faced with some magical two headed being or some shit and one always lies while the other tells the truth and to figure out which is which the character’s like “which one of you is the liar” or something like bruh literally all you gotta do is be like “what’s two plus two” one of them’s gonna say four and the other one is gonna say 83 or some shit. there you go. answered. go on with your magical quest to defeat david bowie. 

this has forty notes. that’s forty more notes than expected.

THIS IS A VERY GOOD POINT and deserves more notes

LISTEN i don’t normally engage in Discourse but this information is DANGEROUSLY MISLEADING!

the point of the riddle isn’t to figure out which one is lying, in fact, knowing which one lies and which one tells the truth is irrelevant. What you want is the correct answer from the magical beast/two guards/etc. Usually this means knowing which path to take. For that, you HAVE to ask it “if i ask the other head/guard/etc which is the safe way to go, what will they tell me?”

if you asked the truth-telling one, they’ll tell you the wrong way, because the liar will always mislead you. if you ask the liar, they’ll tell you the wrong way, because they’re misleading you, so

ALWAYS do the opposite of whatever answer you get.

“who cares this is a stupid tumblr post this doesn’t matter irl–”

WRONG AGAIN! story time:

A few years ago a friend threw a halloween party, and since he dressed as the Riddler, he decided to have a riddle contest.

now, i’ve been preparing for a riddle contest my entire life, since i first read the hobbit and it got bilbo out of trouble. for some reason, i assumed riddle contests were as inevitable as quicksand.

I answered the first riddle easily (it was one of the ones from the hobbit) and then i had to answer the next one to win a bottle of top-shelf rum. it was a variation on the two-guard riddle, only i had to choose one of two paper bags. one had crappy cheap vodka, the other the nice rum. 

the host and his friend did the classic one lies one tells the truth thing, and of course before i asked everyone started shouting “ask him what color your hair is!” and stuff like that, but i already knew what to ask, so i shushed them and won the rum

remember, kids, it doesn’t matter which one is lying and which one is telling the truth. all that matters is you get the correct knowledge to move you forward, win your rum, and make you seem like a superhuman riddle-solver to a crowd of drunken party guests.

always be ready for a riddle contest

Here’s a thing that usually doesn’t come up when people try to criticise this riddle as well. One of the conditions of the riddle is typically that you only get to ask one question. You arrive at the liar and the truth teller and you need to find out which bridge is safe and which one will collapse when you’re halfway across.

They tell you that one of them always lies and that one of them always tells the truth. And they tell you you can ask them one question.

If you ask “What’s two plus two?” than great. You know which one lies but you also still don’t know which bridge you can cross and can’t find out.

You played yourself.

i can get the answer in zero questions. block all the other exits, light them on fire, and see which way they run.

^ Look at Alexander the Great up here, cutting the knot and all.

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beaft

my cat hates taking his pills. the only way we can get him to eat them is to turn it into an elaborate pantomime - we take the packet out of the cupboard slowly and hold it up, saying “oh!! what’s this? what’s this? a TREAT? a TREAT for louis????” while making surprised faces. we offer him a pill… then, before he has a chance to sniff it, we wag our fingers at him and replace it in the packet so it becomes a Tantalising Forbidden Mystery. we continue doing this until he’s so confused and excited that he will eat the pill as fast as possible, just so he can find out what it is before we can take it away from him again. as soon as he’s eaten it he looks utterly disappointed and betrayed, like a child who just ate a delicious sweet only to find it was a chocolate-coated brussels sprout. it never gets old

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catmilks

that thursday feeling.

reading depressioncomix inspired me to do a little comic about my own day-to-day experience.

I’ve seen some comments on this being like “Oh he’s way too active this isn’t how severe clinical depression works!” which makes me a little sad because implying everyone’s experience of depression must be just like yours is insulting. This comic is about how depression still deeply affects me despite my attempts at a normal life but that it becomes almost mundane, you take a break to cry and scream and feel sorry for yourself but then you have to go back to doing whatever. I have almost no energy but I gotta live.

Saying you need to constantly be at your lowest and most dysfunctional in order to have Real Clinical Depression isn’t realistic. Learning to cope with this illness that will likely haunt me my whole life isn’t a bad thing.

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@rippledragon linked this to me and a good time is being had.

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whats-gender

DM: okay you’re face to face with Goliath and he’s like twice your size

David:... I throw a rock at him with my slingshot

DM: are you sure? This is a fig-

David: I throw a rock at him with my slingshot.

David: *rolls a 20*

DM:...

DM: okay so you kill Goliath

this is so much funnier if you assume the DM is God.

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I’m so mad because this worked

help me roger

Reblogging myself because… what was that? Five minutes?

O_O

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riskpig

………my friend has made me curious

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maryburgers

help me roger

Update: after I reblogged this someone messaged me offering me tickets to the sold out Hausu screening with a Q&A and autograph session with the director

These never work for me, but here’s to trying.

  1. I don’t believe in these things
  2. But last time I reblogged one ten/fifteen minutes later I got a call offering me a job
  3. But I reblogged it because I was waiting on hearing back from the job. So there you go.
  4. Roger is cute.

Eh Roger is cute I might as well

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secondlina

That fish is so happy it makes me happy.

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cinnappo

Reblogging myself because I reblogged this yesterday and got promoted today!

oh what the hell…lol.

this is important

ROGER WORKS

Roger please work your magic I need it now more than ever.

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going thru phone pics and found this thing that was tacked up next to the toaster at my old job, if anyone needs some light toast eating reading material

Would anyone be kind enough to transcribe this or link to a text version?

Everything Is AWFUL and I’m Not Okay: Questions to Ask Before Giving Up on Yourself

Are you hydrated? 

If not, have a glass of water. Dehydration can mimic or increase feelings associated with anxiety and a well hydrated brain functions optimally. Avoid excess caffeine. 

Have you eaten in the past three hours? 

Don’t be a victim of hanger! Get some food–something with protein, not just simple carbs or high-fat. Nuts, hummus, and veggies are great options to feed your studying brain. Keep healthy snacks within reach to avoid mindlessly chowing down on sweets. 

Have you stretched your legs in the past day? 

If not, do so right now. If you don’t have the energy or time for a run or a trip to the gym, just walk around the block or building. Even minimal exercise preps the mind for learning so that you can focus better and recall things easier, plus it’s good to get a change of scenery. 

Have you said something nice to someone in the past day? 

Do so, whether online or in person. Make it genuine! We bet your study partner would appreciate a compliment. 

Have you moved your body to music in the past day?

If not, jog for the length of a song at your favorite tempo, or just dance around your bedroom for the length of an upbeat song (singing along is a bonus) 

Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days?

If not, do so. Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends of friends’ pets. Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing. 

Have you started or changed any medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand? 

That may be screwing with your head. Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down. 

If daytime: are you dressed? 

If no, put on clean clothes that aren’t PJs. Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress. 

If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep? 

Put on PJs, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes while focusing on breathing deeper with every breath- no electronic screens allowed! Adequate sleep is a necessity for stress management. 

Do you feel ineffective? 

Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an email, loading the dishwasher, or tidying up your room. Good job!

Do you feel unattractive? 

Take a darn selfie. Your friends will remind you how great you look. You are always insta-worthy. 

Do you feel paralyzed by indecision?

Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day. If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable. Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial. 

Have you over-exerted yourself lately–physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually? 

That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking some time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment for a little. Time spent refreshing yourself is never time “wasted!” 

Have you waited a week? 

Sometimes or perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause. It happens. Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then. 

You’ve made it this far; and you will make it through. You are stronger than you think.

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