When asked Turner and Kane about their recent fashion choices, Turner responded with “You know, The Sopranos were a huge influence on me in my teen years. The way Tony always handled situations, and how he always did it in such comfortable ease really resonated with me. He showed me that a man can do man business in comfort. Girls will always have leggings, but it takes a right bloke to wear a tracksuit.”
Robert Plant, formerly known as lead singer of popular rock band “Led Zeppelin” has now chose a new career path. Plant is being paid an exorbitant amount of money to be Alex Turner’s personal photographer. Plant has been following Turner for the past 6 months. There have been speculations of a music collaboration between the two, but Plant insists that his only passion is to photograph Turner with fans. When asked for a direct quote, Plant declined but did mention that he beat lead editor of NME magazine for the position.
Arctic Monkeys may not be writing the next James Bond theme, but they’re writing a bond theme nevertheless. The band has signed on to write a commercial theme for a local LA area bail bond business. In order to keep with the bands wishes, the name of the bail bond business will not be disclosed, but it should be noted that they are the same service who have helped release Paris Hilton, Reese Witherspoon, and a number of similar clients. When one of the bond agents was asked about the commercial, he noted that the band volunteered to do so, after the company helped spring one of the members that had a run in with the law last month, “The whole ordeal with them has been very hush-hush. We are excited that they wanted to do this for us. We’ve worked hard to maintain a celebrity client base, and we’re hoping that such a high profile song will really increase business. Although they want to protect their anonymity, we are on the way to convincing them that going public with this will help their image as well, especially among prisoners”. He later went on to remark that the commercial will premiere sometime in the next 3 months, on local southern California channels airing from 2-5am.
2014 Summary
Arctic Monkeys are currently pleased with how 2014 turned out for them. Their successful album sales of AM, short for Alien Masterpiece, are credited to the overlords that are spoken to through NME and Alex Turner's quiff antennae. It is unsure whether Turner is still in contact with the overlords, but our sources say if the disappearance of his quiff is any hint then they aren't allies any longer. According to our sources the band have gone on a break to hide from the now enemy forces and plot their 2015 revenge. Either way, it will be an interesting year.
Alexander David Turner at VOLT Fesztivál
- Credits: miki357
Accept the demise.
Bonnaroo 2014 - x
Pictured here is the newest visual component in Arctic Monkeys shows. The power of floating orbs have been bestowed upon them by their alien overlords for their ability to continually produce mind controlling hit after hit.
Our insiders tell us that there was a secret Arctic Monkeys "acoustic" session in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. In said "acoustic" session, Matt Helders, infamous drummer, grabs the microphone and began raving about their U.S. takeover and how it will "all be over soon" and something about "American cheese shirts will be the end of all." Lead singer Alex Turner had to grab the microphone away to cease the confessions of their plans. All recordings of said "acoustic" session were mysteriously erased as fans left the venue.
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Thank you, please redirect all compliments to nme.com
The Arabella music video seems to be the Arctic Monkeys current way of hypnotizing fans into their dark deeds. One portion of the video has a mysterious man talking in the background, and as he says "I have no hunger, my sensation is perfect" Arctic Monkeys fans can slowly feel a part of them being sucked away. Fans have reported feeling different after watching the video, which may have something to due with the fact that the song itself is about the alien overlord that the band worships. They appear to be "made of outer space" and "might have tapped into your mind and soul."
THIS JUST IN: Alex Turner and Miles Kane are currently in Iceland recording a Death Ramps style homage to Miley Cyrus' 2010 hit Can't Be Tamed. The Duo has been sighted wearing feathery leather jackets to further connect with the song and also to pay homage to the iconic video.
BRITs 2014 - x
Arctic Monkeys ascent from hell.
The flaming AM symbol at tonights Brit awards was not a planned visual trick but actually a message sent from Alex Turner’s alien overlords. It has been uncovered that it is a warning for “Alien Murder” and the flames represent the fire that the earth will be scorched with in the coming months. It has also been reported that those sitting close to the flames heard them giving off strange noises and chanting that seems to have gone “through the fire and through the flames, ya hey, ya hey”.
+ Brit Awards
Alex Turner signaling alien overlords with a strange award satellite
Arctic Monkeys won best album at the Brit awards and in an exclusive interview, songwriter and lead singer Alex Turner discusses the inspiration for the album art:
"I was pacing in the snow cus Cookie went off again and disappeared for two days and I was thinkin’ where is he? Me tracks in the snow made fuckin’ triangle shapes and I thought ‘that looks like us’"
Sources unsure as to whether or not Usher appreciates his lines being honored by the word rigamarole.
The track "I Want It All" seems to be inspired by one of Usher's greatest hits, "OMG." Songwriter Alex Turner wanted a way to capture the pure aura of the lines "Sexy from her head to toe / And I want it all and all and all" and decided to throw a shout out to Usher with the lines "My sweet fireball / My sweet rigmarole / I want it all / I want it all"
THIS JUST IN: Alex Turner spotted at local salon receiving an eyebrow wax. Close sources to the salon claim that it is the same one that Paul McCartney used during his Beatlemania days.