Sorzan belongs to Noebelle@deviantArt. Gorgeous character, isn’t he? *,* I’m glad i got the opportunity to draw him!

(be sure to view the full-size image as it is 1280px tall)

New Zealand’s new water safety mascot is amazing and his instagram is a gift

Honestly never been prouder of my country.

PEAS 🦆

thank you so so much for sharing this. this video is so important to me. i would sell my laptop, my house, and my sister for this duck. this video has enlightened me. i can continue living knowing such a being exists. thank you.

I lost it at “2 bread”

1 gallon of regular chocolate

18 minutes of flour

5 plates of salt

“cook” your turkey at 50 degrees for 5 hours

the bestial altar

The Turkey Story

 So it’s 2001, and my family drives from fucking California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for thanksgiving, becuase my grandparents are moving into a nursing home and it’s their last holiday in that house.  So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing.

Since it’s their last holiday there, the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams dish because not all expressions of love are good, even if they are sincere.  In the spirit of going all-out, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey.  

Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy scout by tossing foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been addicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights.  He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for a spaicier mesquite-style bird, so Bobby makes a Cornish Game Hen seasoned that way, for them.

Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea.  He realizes that he can stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen becuase why not?  He confers with Mom, and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there’s  dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out.  It’s Genius.

Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle Cliff slouching after her.

So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit high, between the marathon cooking, the kids all being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards, and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement, getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America.  Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 9/11, I was near tears from this nonsense and ready to fight a man roughly five times my size.  

Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and defending him, or telling us we’re rotten children for ‘attacking’ him, becuase she Must Stand By Her Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of feces with an ugly mustache.

My sister eventually bolts upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip-Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson’s slowly taking over him.

“Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil, or I’ll beat your skull in.  Also, dinner’s ready, everyone go wash up.”

We go upstairs and sit down, and do the traditional “Name one thing you’re thankful for” as the bread gets passed around the table, and things calm down a bit.  Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it’s really pretty, them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there’s an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool.

Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks-

“OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT!”

We all stare at Sue.  We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth. Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out where to begin but since she’d been trying to justify Cliff’s behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going.

“IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE’VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE’RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I’M SO SORRY JESUS-” She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it’s a Victorian fainting couch only it’s a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler.

Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths “she’s not coming back”.   

Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up, falls on his ass himself.  They are assisted by Dad, who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle and it’s not working.

“I CAN’T EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM-”  Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice (he went to seminary school long enough to learn that before getting drafted but that’s another story) and assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the room if she wants.  She nods, placated by being the center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill.

“I wouldn’t want you to go hungry.  Can I make you some Eggs?”

“That would be lovely.” Said Sue, joke flying over her head like a boeing 747.  I recall watching my grandmother nearly choke to death on the green beans over that, and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind.

Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home, and the party got underway properly, with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby “For marrying well, for a change” “Pregnant Turkey” has been an Ohioan thanksgiving staple since then.  I’ll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE to shriek “OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT” when you carve it open, or it’s not authentic and won’t taste as good 2. Share the pictures with me.

If you enjoyed this story, help me avoid unnecessary employment so I can tell more by donating to my Tip Jar

Winter Dogs A little later will be available as prints on RedBubble!

frog on acpc just told me he needed bugs for science like… i know you eat them… its fine i dont mind 

this is what radical political comedic satire looks like 

im Here for publicly funded jokes at his expense

Anyway, here’s how to donate to Sesame Street and support PBS with donations. Talking about how awesome a thing is can be great if you also take action to support it.

This is single-handedly the prettiest video I’ve ever seen

Despite my usual standards for animal videos something tells me this is one we all need right now

When Brands Take a Stand

Every stitcher knows DMC. Every stitching product I have is DMC. Naturally, I fan-girled when they reached out to me to ask if I wanted to collaborate. I am always so pleased when a brand is willing to take a strong stance for justice and equality. Well, DMC sure made a statement today - no easy thing for a company that’s been around for 271 years! 

As of today, you can download an original ‘Boys will be Boys’ embroidery pattern on the DMC site along with several other feminist patterns created by amazing fiber artists! All patterns are free.

This past spring, I was a guest on the amazing podcast put out by the badass ladies of Forth Chicago. I spoke about being an entrepreneur and an activist and how important it is for businesses to take a stand. If you feel like listening you can click here. I HIGHLY recommend checking out this podcast series…so many brilliant women to learn from. 

If you are as inspired by DMC, I highly suggest you follow them on Instagram and show them the love! 

I liked the part where the possums ate fruit

mlapmlapmlapmlapmlap

(via Nudah)

this is why people cant have kids. this is why there are homeless single mothers. this is why people dont leave abusive relationships. 

Above comments! ^^^^

This is extremely urgent for all of us

as always, Faxzero will let you send a free fax, too, if you can’t use the phone for whatever reasons!: https://faxzero.com/fax_congress.php

🦃 Happy Turkey Day Tumblr🦃 

I'm Lin though oh jeez

Tumblr: *rolls out “best stuff first”*

My blog:

on the one hand this is a joke post because lol i have never made a good post in my life, but also, if i hadn’t made the connection between this update and my sudden nosedive in activity, i would have been really fucking discouraged about all the shit i’ve been working on lately. i guarantee there are people on tumblr right now who haven’t made that connection, and who are trying to figure out why suddenly no one likes anything they’ve made. and that fucking sucks.

Reminder to go into your settings and turn off ‘Best Stuff First’ because my activity’s tanked a couple days ago for no reason so this stuff IS happening.

You WILL miss content with that setting on.

i ain’t joking when i say that my activity looks JUST like this too and i wasn’t sure why

I can only find the option on the app under Settings > Dashboard Preferences.

To support content creators do us a favour and turn off “Best stuff first”. Open the tumblr app (Android or iOs) and go to “Settings > Dashboard Preferences. And please reblog this post, so that everybody will see this. Thank you very much!

I assumed I just wasn’t writing very well, but maybe it’s not just me.

Am I supposed to pay to get my writing in front of followers now?

We interrupt your regularly-scheduled sci-fi content because this is important for app users, and it sucks. We all follow blogs because we want to see their content, not to have a crappy algorithm decide what’s best.

This blog is down approximately 80%, which doesn’t affect me other than as an annoyance (as this is a hobby and @okayto is small-ish) but the issue undoubtedly hurts others.

Below are instructions for turning it off. You have to do it individually–it doesn’t matter if a blog you follow turns it off, you’ll still be affected unless you do the same.

We don’t normally reblog PSAs, but this is very clearly affecting us, too! If you haven’t been getting your daily dose of RPG humor, this setting is probably why. Turn it off so you can see all the silly shit players say!

Thaaaaat’s why my notes have been dead lately. Please turn this off.

Well. This explains a lot.

My last week - 80%-90% drop off.

Interrupting your normal animal content to say same here, folks.