Sudden Death
It seems like we didn't pay attention to Amanda Todd until she killed herself. I didn't. I didn't know about her story until after she had committed suicide. Fifteen-year-old flashes a stranger online and is cyber-stalked and bullied to the point where she develops severe depression and decides living is no longer worth the effort.
I had no idea who this girl was, why she killed herself, or how it was culturally relevant until my Facebook feed was spammed with stories about her. No longer merely a victim of suicide, Amanda seems to have become some sort of martyr for the anti-bullying movement that's dominated the zeitgeist as of late. I didn't write about Amanda immediately after she killed herself because I had nothing to say. "Her death is a tragedy." As someone who didn't personally know her, couldn't I leave it at that?
Apparently not. I've found myself decidedly uncomfortable with the state of the discourse launched by her death. It seems that everyone who has felt compelled to attach their personal opinion to the death of a 15-year-old falls into one of two categories:
- People who inadvertently use Amanda instrumentally to remind others to not bully while ignoring that she was in fact a person and not just a means to an end.
- Self-proclaimed experts on mental health who have decided that a policy of "tough love" and edgy status updates is the best way to get suicidal person to pull the metaphorical shotgun out of their mouth.
I'm less concerned about the first group because, while ignorant, the posts are at least motivated by good intentions. It's this second group that frustrates me. This attitude that people hold about suicide where it's just something a person needs to "get over" is profoundly ignorant. Here's a shining example of the type of Facebook status I'm talking about (condensed for brevity):
I was bullied in high school... Instead of giving up, giving in, and blowing my head off, I chucked 50 lbs, whitened my teeth, and terrorized back. It's difficult for me to wrap my mind around how a teen could take their own life... Get over yourselves and put the gun/ noose/ pills/ blade down, kids.
The advice given here is suspect at best. I'm glad that doing an Extreme Makeover worked out for him, but I wonder how much a pack of Crest Whitestrips would have helped me avoid getting jumped in my high school locker room for being a "dirty Mexican" (the irony of course being that I'm not Mexican). Similarly, if a fat gay kid loses weight, will that really shed him of the nickname "faggot" from those who ridicule him?
Of course, I don't expect a random person to dispense advice of the same caliber of a trained mental health professional, or even Dr. Phil. The broader problem with status updates like this is that they illustrate a striking lack of understanding of suicidality and mental illness in general. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States. A review of 3,725 suicides found that 87% of suicide victims were diagnosable with a mental disorder based on history from their friends/ family following their death.
There are still people who, in this enlightened day and age, undermine the significance of mental health and believe that people should simply pull themselves up by the bootstraps. I wonder, what would it take for them to feel the weight of their ignorance? A more robust education in psychology? Experiencing first-hand the feeling of looking over a ledge and contemplating jumping? We've all been close to or known someone who took their life, whether we were aware of it or not.
I used to work with a guy named Eric. He was one of the few people I liked at my job. In many ways he was my opposite -- laid back and optimistic to my tightly-wound self. He had recently acquired his motorcycle license and told me he had plans to ride down to Florida with a friend. He killed himself not much later. There were no signs. There was no warning.
Today would have been his birthday.
Judgment is fine, but not if it's of something you don't understand nor intend to learn about. Perhaps, instead of blaming people for not having the wherewithal to handle situations we have not personally experienced, we should simply remember to respect the dead. Rest in peace, Amanda, rest in peace, Eric, and rest in peace to the countless souls who have died by their own hand.