sexy despair

Starry night, 1885, William Stott Of Oldham

Odilon Redon - I plunged into solitude. I dwelt in the tree behind me (1896)

I have no patience for people who think that others showing emotion in public is inherently manipulative, always inappropriate, and a demand on their energy and time. Like, I'm sorry that seeing me, a stranger, crying made you feel bad for two seconds and you can't stand that, but the porousness of your boundaries is not my problem.

Additionally, it should be illegal for my voice to shake after someone has yelled at me. It should be double illegal if I'm confident that I'm right and they're an idiot but I'm just having a physical reaction. Ban the physical reaction. I hear testosterone does that.

My dad is/has been slowly dying, which is, obviously, the first occurrence of its kind in the history of the world.

This is so fucking stupid. I'm upset because I just saw a clip from a Simpsons episode on twitter that reminded me of him. I'm also upset because I've watched some movies lately that he would have liked when he still had the cognitive ability to watch movies. I have burst into tears three times recently when I was out running errands and saw dads holding hands with little girls. It's so fucking unfair. My dad's not a bad person. My dad is like the exact opposite of a bad person. Eight months ago, I yelled at him while he was crying because he'd gotten feces on his hands. I had to bathe him, which had been a red line for me, on my lunch break. Five years ago he was making jokes with the pharmacy techs when we went to pick up his meds and he knew all their names and they liked him. I saw him last week and he was so thin that I could feel his bones when I hugged him. He's always been a little overweight.

I just want to fucking punch someone or something it's so fucking unfair. I hate everyone and everything.

My dad is/has been slowly dying, which is, obviously, the first occurrence of its kind in the history of the world.

This is so fucking stupid. I'm upset because I just saw a clip from a Simpsons episode on twitter that reminded me of him. I'm also upset because I've watched some movies lately that he would have liked when he still had the cognitive ability to watch movies. I have burst into tears three times recently when I was out running errands and saw dads holding hands with little girls. It's so fucking unfair. My dad's not a bad person. My dad is like the exact opposite of a bad person. Eight months ago, I yelled at him while he was crying because he'd gotten feces on his hands. I had to bathe him, which had been a red line for me, on my lunch break. Five years ago he was making jokes with the pharmacy techs when we went to pick up his meds and he knew all their names and they liked him. I saw him last week and he was so thin that I could feel his bones when I hugged him. He's always been a little overweight.

I do a lot of baking. My criteria for a good recipe are as follows:

Right now, my favorite recipes that meet these criteria are:

These but with kinako (omit matcha, add Tbsp condensed milk, 1 Tbsp vanilla blend, 1/2 cup kinako, 1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour)

I got shiramatako for daifuku, so god willing I'll be able to tell you all how that goes.