kol mikaelson; give me love.
“maybe i should let you go. no, i just wanna hold you.”
a/n: this is literally 11.2k words god help me
in the year that your life had been plagued by supernatural existence, you had never once thought you'd find yourself, here, curled in bed with a throbbing headache, and thirst for hunger as vile as this. you never thought you'd find yourself dead, with vampires blood circulating through your dwindling system.
you could feel it pulsating through your veins, feel it ripening your shriveling heart. it pumped so oddly; you kept pressing your fingers to various pressure points, wondering where your pulse was. it was mute; yet you could feel your heart circulating the mouthful of vampires blood tirelessly.
so that's how you were to live now, off of other peoples blood. being as stubbornly independent as you were, you couldn't say that you were too pleased.
it had all started with a promise: a promise from caroline, to actually take the weekend off from growing crow's feet due to supernatural stress and instead go to the mall. but, first, she told you, she had to take care of some conflict with elena, stefan, damon, and a mansion full of the worlds oldest vampires. elena and stefan had also promised klaus that damon would stop trying to kill his family.
but, when you were out for your morning walk through the mystic falls public park, you were snatched out of your shoes by one of the originals, who'd been called on by klaus to ensure the security of damon's promise.
however, instead of just pulling back, damon pushed. he showed up to the mikaelson's mansion with five white oak stakes- consequently burned in the fireplace after they chained him up, tortured him, and forced him to watch as kol turned you.
you remember the heat of his hands, gripping you against his chest, over your waist and at your throat. your left eye was bruised, cheekbone probably broken. blood was seeping from a cut on your lip, one you couldn't stop running your tongue over with stress. and your head was pounding.
then, you heard the sick crunch of teeth in flesh as kol opened his skin to you. he pressed his wrist between your lips and, unwillingly, you swallowed a few drops of his blood. kol held you tighter while his other arm was occupied. then, just as your injuries started to fade, as the pain began dissipating, kol pulled your head back by a clump of your hair. he spoke to damon, while staring darkly down at you.
"she'll be a pretty one," he wiped his thumb across your bottom lip, cleaning off his blood, only to slide his hands up around your neck.
your eyes widened, the fear in your stomach sending off the alarm systems through your body. time stopped as he squeezed your throat, and, holding visicous eye contact, he snapped your neck.
now, you were laying in your bed, having just awoken from death. you curled your legs up to your chest, squeezing them against you, as if you could find reality if you grounded yourself. as if this was all just a cruel dream.
though you knew that was impossible- every single one of your sensations was on fire. the cotton of your bedding against your arms felt incredibly soft, softer than you'd ever thought it was. you could hear caroline's breath, though she was sitting five feet away from you. you could hear the rumination of her hair against her neck, each and every time she turned her head. she was flipping through a magazine and, that, combined with bits of sunlight seeping into your room, was driving you crazy.
"care," you hissed as she turned another page.
caroline's eyes shot up to meet yours, and a sheepish expression caught her face. "sorry."
stefan, taking up the corner of your room with a frowned face, shifted. "are you ready to talk about it?"
this was the fifth time in the past hour that you'd been awakened from the dead that he'd asked you this very same question. you shrugged, pulling yourself up against the headboard.
"not really," you whispered, knowing if you spoke any louder, you'd burst into tears. you never really let yourself cry in front of your friends, but you didn't know if you could help it this time.
you glanced around the room, at the ordinary objects from your humanity. your picture frames, decorating the bookshelf and dresser, felt like poison in your eye sight. you didn't even know if vampires could be in pictures. so there went your hobby of ruthlessly insisting your friends take pictures every time you did anything together.
who needed a picture to remember anything, anyways, when your memory would never fade?
it was like a cruel trick on you.
you swiped at a tear, and sniffled to regain composure when you noticed your cat's play tower was empty. "where's crow?"
stefan stepped closer, and he took a seat on the edge of the mattress. "we took him to matt's house. he's going to take care of him until you're in control."
"and if i choose to die?" your voice croaked at the word, "will you guys take care of him, then?"
caroline jumped from her seat, pushing herself onto the mattress directly beside you. "of course we would."
you sighed, "i think i know my decision. but, i don't know if i'm ready for it to happen. i don't think- i can't stomach it."
stefan nodded sympathetically. "we have blood bags. elena's willing to let you feed, too. she feels awful about the situation."
you met his eyes, "does it taste- bad?"
caroline chuckled, and stefan looked to her to speak. "funnily enough, it tastes, like, really good. i mean, you won't be hungry for anything else, ever. so it tastes like survival and life."
stefan agreed with a hum, "we need it to survive. to live. it pumps our heart. so even though it will feel wrong for the first week or so, eventually it'll become normal. ordinary."
you took a deep, shaky breath. "can i have a straw?"
you plopped to the dirty ground of the forest, your knees sinking into the crust. you breathed heavily, though the usual burning of your lungs you'd feel after running for so long dissipated quicker than it came. you lay a hand to your chest, feeling the strength of your lungs. your heart beat sped up, too, enhanced by the strength that came from feeding.
you wanted both options you were given, one from stefan, the other from
damon. you wanted to feed off blood bags as little as possible. as a human, you'd had an addictive personality. you could only guess that would carry over, only enhanced, in death.
so you wanted to be as in control as possible. and you figured a split diet would help.
it had been two weeks since you turned. you felt stronger everyday. tomorrow, your cat would come home. you felt stable enough, especially since you'd been practicing holding him without baring teeth.
you mourned your old life everyday. but, having had no real attachments as a human, it was an easier transition. you and your mother were never close, so she accepted whatever excuses you had for never eating or sneaking out late. she didn't really care anyways.
but, a part of you felt something missing.
you couldn't tell what it was.
but, one week ago you'd had a dream about a familiar, murderous vamp.
you'd felt his touch in your sleep- his hands on your throat, around your waist. you woke up in a cold sweat, the skin where his touch had been on fire.
you kept it to yourself, knowing the response from the peanut gallery would be negative. they'd probably storm the mikaelson mansion, threaten kol to stop manipulating your dreams.
that had to be the only explanation- that he was manipulating your dreams. you thought he was attractive- but never, ever, in a million years would you let yourself dream about him.
stefan squatted beside you, offering a clean handkerchief. he pointed on his chin to where you had blood pooling. you smiled breathily, a short chuckle, and sheepishly wiped it away.
"you did good today," stefan complimented.
you nodded, "thanks. i still feel dead, but i feel a little stronger, more secure, every time."
"that's good," stefan encouraged. "each time you feed, as long as it's consistent, you'll feel that way."
you hesitated, afraid to voice your opinion in fear of sounding selfish. stefan tilted his head at you because he knew there were words on the tip of your tongue. you shut your mouth and shook your head, brushing off your sadness.
stefan set a hand on your shoulder, squeezing gently, supportively, "we'll get him. damon's finding more ash- and i want you to use the dagger."
a rush of adrenaline came over you. you shoved stefan's hand off your shoulder, "i don't want that, stefan. i don't want more death. can't we just leave each other alone? why does there always have to be revenge?"
stefan looked jolted by your defensive statement, faltering on his heels from your strength. you pushed up onto the balls of your feet, shouldering your backpack.
"look, do whatever you guys want, but leave me out of it," you raised your brows firmly. "i don't think anybody else needs to die."
stefan was more than shocked by this proclamation. he slowly stood, watched as you turned on your heel and sped away to your car. he could tell you were angered by any ideas of conflict. he knew as a human you had always been peaceful: you always went out of your way to make sure everyone and everything was okay. and you were always against any revenge plans. though you were never this vocal about it. maybe that’s what that outburst was- your want for peace.
you slammed your car door shut, which made you flinch back in your seat. you pressed a hand to your chest, again, surprised by your strength, by the hammering of your heart. you took deep, whole breaths, feeling every part of your lungs expand and contract with every gasp and release. caroline had taught you this trick- ground yourself. anger made you hungrier, deadlier. and you weren't in the habit of killing anybody out of hanger. hopefully for forever.
why had you been so pissed?
you should be rooting for revenge against kol. you should be plotting maps and finding ash and storming his mansion.
but something within your gut denied any and all troubles.
you just couldn't get behind the idea.
something else caroline taught you was to focus on what made you feel good. in times like this, when anger took ahold and wouldn't let go, you needed to anchor yourself to what being alive was like. fake it till you make it.
so, you turned your radio up as loud as it would go, stepped on the gas, and drove. you let your mind shut off as you drove, twisting through back streets, laughing loudly as the car jumped over hills. for the first time in weeks, you felt normal. like an ordinary teenaged girl, putting your life at risk to feel the adrenaline of curving around bends and barely stopping at stop signs.
you didn't know you were going- but you had reached a dead end. the only way to go was back, or into the driveway before you. you recognized the stone-lined path, reaching far back into the tree line. you could see the windows of the house through tree branches.
the car inched towards the house, stopping just before the driveway curved into a circle around the water fountain. you stepped on the brakes, threw the gear shift into reverse, and slowly let your foot release. however, the car still inched forewords, the wheel turning towards right. you looked down at the gear shift and saw it in drive.
what the fuck was going on?
you threw it into park again, slamming so hard you whipped against the back of the seat. next thing you knew, your keys were in your hand, you were opening the door, stepping out of the car. you snapped out of whatever trance you were in. you glanced around, horrified.
"what in the world?!" you murmured to yourself. you turned back to the car and reached for the door handle.
"i was wondering how long it would take until you showed up, darling," a voice sounded directly beside your left shoulder.
you jumped against your car, fear sinking into your skin. kol towered over you, hands crossed delicately behind his back. his face held that familiar smirk, head tilted to the side with dark anticipation.
you shivered, crossing your arms around your stomach. "wha-what?"
kol stepped closer, forcing your chin further into the air as he hovered. "have you finally come to put a dagger in my chest? i'd have to waited until the sun went down, or brought myself one of those salvatore's. it's a little bold to come alone."
you shook your head, the wind blowing your hair in a mess around your face. you furiously brushed it behind your ears again, to no avail. "n-no. i didn't mean- i didn't mean to be here. i- i'm- i should go. i'm gonna go."
when you finished stuttering out your ill-thought-out response, you spun on your heel and stuck the key into the lock. you went to turn it to unlock it when you heard a gust of wind and felt his presence move beside you.
"aw, don't go. we were just starting to have fun," he sarcastically spoke.
you pulled the key out of the car, your hand dangling beside you. you didn't know what to say; but you wanted to stay now. you were intrigued by the dark look in his eyes, the scent of his smokey cologne.
kol- usually locked in to his smirk and raised eyebrow duo- hesitated at your response. his face flickered with confusion, but he regained his stone cold composure and held out a hand.
"would you like to come in for a drink? i think i owe you that," he offered.
you shrugged, crossing your arms again. "sure."
you fell into step behind kol, following him into the mikaelson's mansion. you looked around warily as you stepped inside the house. kol took your purse from your shoulder- though you didn't remember how it got there- and hung it on the coat hook.
"is it going to be a real drink?" you grasped at a joke, feeling the tense, awkward air between you.
kol cracked that smirk, "well that depends. are you on the stefan diet? or are they feeding you well over there?"
you let yourself laugh, "both, actually."
kol guided you to the living room, where you sat on the couch. he moved to a bar cart, filling two crystal glasses with blood from a bag.
he tsked, "but that's boring. i thought id make another ripper out of you. well: have you at least drank from the neck? taken your first kill?"
you took the glass he offered you, replying as he sat, "no."
kol scoffed, "well, that won't do. every vampire kills at least ten people in their first week. it's been, what, three weeks, now?"
you took a sip from your glass, and you felt your fangs protrude from your teeth. you winced at the pain in your mouth and swallowed the blood. you touched the veins in your cheeks.
kol watched you as you gained control of your hunger. he looked concerned, though you didn't notice.
kol dipped his head down to catch your attention. "do you feel it? the hunger? you must know every time you drink from an animal or a bag that you're missing something? of course, we must do these things for security. but, we have to drink from the vein from time to time. the other options are just not enough to curb that."
you felt a hunger flood through your body. your fangs protruded again, the veins under your eyes rippling your skin. you quickly downed the rest of your drink, but the hunger didn't cease.
kol's arm had rested on the back of the couch, and he moved his thumb to touch the tilt of your chin. "let me take you out sometime. i'll show you how to really hunt. you have to be dangerous sometimes- it's just our nature."
an emotion rushed through your body- a warm feeling. you turned your head to meet his eyes, "i don't want to do that. i don't want to kill anybody."
kol flashed his dark eyes at you, "oh, but you will."
you refused to share your visit to kol with any of your friends. you knew stefan wouldn't approve of his urge to drink from the vein; caroline would be pissed you went inside the house; and damon would examine it for any ulterior movies. you especially weren't going to tell them that you'd be going hunting with kol in the future. you didn't really want to; but you had to go. something in you was pushing you to give in. to just do it.
but you feared they'd find out. either rebekah- whom kol told everything- would use your newfound companionship as a banter against your friends. or klaus would use it as a threat.
or you'd exploit your conversation by accidentally killing somebody. it was silly, but everyone knew it was true- you weren’t a killer, even as a vampire. it just simply wasn’t going to happen.
you kept resisting the urge- but throughout the school day you couldn't stop staring at people's necks. you wanted to pounce on someone in the hallway, wanted to sink your teeth into their skin and bleed them dry. you'd never felt this urge before- or at least stefan and caroline had helped you fight through it.
you wanted to confide in them, but something told you you weren't allowed to share the thought. so you fought it alone.
after school, you raced home, curled up under your covers, and shut out the world. you had to go to work later, and you wanted to call off, but you couldn't give up the normal parts of your life. you couldn't let the vampirism ruin your ordinary.
by the time it was time for work, you'd managed to curb your hunger. you arrived a few minutes before your shift started at the mystic grille, where you waited tables. you opened your locker, pulling from it your apron and notepad. you tied it securely around your waist.
the door to the break room swung open and your coworker, georgia, bid you hello. you smiled back at her. but as you turned to say hello back, you felt your teeth expand and the blood rush through your eyes. you went hot with hunger, and you slammed your upper body into your locker.
georgia flinched, "are you okay?"
you heard her take a step forward, so you held out your hand, "no! stay- stay away! go away from me!"
georgia, helpful by nature, stepped closer to you. she set a hand on your shoulder, "y/n, what's wrong?"
as soon as you felt her warm hand on your shoulder, you snapped. you slammed her up against the locker, baring your teeth at her. "i said stay away! i can't control it!"
georgia yelped in response, the fear in her eyes blowing up her pupils. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry- please don't hurt me!"
you growled at her, eyes raking down her face to her exposed neck. of course she wore her hair in a ponytail today.
you wanted to turn away; you had learned all the necessary skills to gain control. but something in your body, in your mind- it screamed at you to feed. you pounced on her, sinking your teeth into her skin, and beginning to suck her dry.
when she went limp in your arms, when you felt no more blood flowing out of the punctured holes in her neck, that's when you snapped back to reality. you dropped her body, screaming at the sight of blood soaking her shirt, soaking your hands.
you turned to the side, wiping your hands on your apron, away from her body, and you caught your appearance in the mirror in your locker. you were sobbing, the tears streaking through the blood covering your mouth.
you grabbed your coat and purse and, without thinking any further, you sped out of the grille. of course, just when you stepped out the front door, you ran into caroline. she was walking with tyler, laughing at something he'd said. when she knocked into you, she steadied you by grabbing your forearms. then she noticed the blood- all of the blood.
caroline and tyler had an understanding, established with just the flicker of eye contact they made. caroline sped you two out of there, to the boarding house, within seconds. tyler went to, probably, clean up your mess.
as soon as she opened the door to the house, you pulled from her, and fell to your knees. you sobbed into your hands, though the blood left on them made the hunger creep back up again. caroline leaned down beside you, wrapping her arms around your shoulders.
"it's okay, y/n," she soothed, "shhhh, it's okay."
you wanted to give in to her comfort, but you pushed back, your force so strong that you ended up with your back against the wall.
"no!" you growled again. "no! i killed somebody, caroline! i killed her! oh, my god, i killed her!"
you slid down the wall, sobbing into your hands. stefan, damon, and elena entered the room, taking in the sad sight of you. you smelled the blood on your hands, and the hunger overtook you. through the tears crowding your face, you licked a single line down your forearm.
"i'm so hungry," you murmured, continuing to lick at the drying blood on your hands.
stefan took control of the situation as caroline came up short. she couldn't think straight, seeing you like you were.
he stooped down in front of you, laying a cautious hand into the air between you. "hey, y/n, hey- it's okay. hey, here, take my hand. cmon, let's go get something to eat."
you roared at him, causing him to flinch back, "i don't want another deer, stefan! i'm hungry!"
damon appeared beside him, holding a blood bag delicately between his hands. he offered it to you, a sad smile on his face. "i never much cared for the vegetarian lifestyle, either, y/n. there's nothing to be ashamed of."
you took the blood bag from him, only to throw it across the room. it splatted against the wall, sliding in cruel fingers down the wall. elena flinched at this, holding securely to her necklace.
you shot up from your spot, standing like a rock against your friends. "it's not enough! it's not enough, damon! i'm hungry!"
your tantrum lasted another hour, in which you nearly attacked elena, threw stefan into the billiard table, and stabbed damon with a broken leg from the coffee table.
caroline had snuck away in time to call bonnie, who arrived just in time to cause an aneurysm in your head. you fell to your knees in pain, which worsened as damon stuck a needle full of vervain into your leg. you passed out on the rug of the entryway, and woke up on the basement, locked away.
you curled up in the corner, leaning against the cool brick of the wall. your head was pounding, and your veins were cramping with hunger. you could smell stefan's cologne, bonnie's blood on the other side of the wall.
"what's going on?" you whimpered, brushing the dirty hair from your face.
bonnie's face appeared in the frame of the door. "y/n?"
you stood up shakily, slowly walking up to the door. everything hurt. probably the vervain. or the hunger.
you leaned against the door. bonnie smiled at you, though it was downcast, and her eyes were watery. "what's going on?"
she sighed, "we don't know. i've been looking through my grimoires for days. alarics doing research. we don't know."
"wait," you perked up at her word choice, "days?"
"yeah you keep going in and out of it," bonnie shrugged.
stefan appeared beside her, "we've tried to feed you a blood bag or blood from an animal, but you won't take it down. it doesn't even make your teeth come out. you keep saying it's not enough."
"so you lock me up?" you laughed shakily.
stefan nodded, setting his hands on his hips. "yeah. but, we're going to take you out now. we're gonna let you feed off of somebody. make sure you don't kill them. then, we're going to see klaus."
you furrowed your brows, "why?"
bonnie shrugged, "he's the oldest vampire ever. he might have some answers."
they held true to their promise. they let you feed off matt and, as you did, you began to bleed him dry. stefan and damon managed to hold you back- and you kept it down. you felt the hunger creep up your skin, but you managed to shove it down. you kept control. it wasn’t as bad.
with an apology to matt and a rag to clean your lips, you headed to the mikaelson mansion for the second time that week. you wondered if you should tell them about your interaction with kol, but you decided against it. they'd blow it out of proportion.
but, you couldn't stop thinking about how he told you that the blood bags and animals would never be enough; how you'd have to kill.
and how, ever since that moment, those words had been defined every action you’d taken that week.
klaus welcomed the three of you inside with a sardonic, "ah, back with more questions. i'll try not to remember this next time you shove a dagger in my heart."
stefan smiled sarcastically, as you three followed him into his painting room. klaus had been brushing paint across a canvas, and he went back to that as you three stood before him.
stefan, always the spokesperson, began, "she can't keep anything down. not the blood bags or the animals i've hunted. the only thing she drinks is blood when it's straight from the vein. it’s just started, though. she'd been extremely disciplined, and now she's turned murderous. she doesn't want to kill anybody, and that characteristic has been enhanced by her vampirism now. so, we don’t understand why it’s turned into this.”
klaus chuckled, "stefan, we vampires have to kill..."
you weren't listening. at first, you simply circled the room, admiring the paintings. then, as you rounded back to the open door of the room, you felt a tug in your chest, similar to the one from the other day, when you'd accidentally driven here.
you snuck out of the room, their voices fading behind you as you descended the staircase. you'd never been here before- but you knew where you were going. you walked past every door and only stopped outside the one at the end of the farthest hallway.
your hand reached for the doorknob, but you snapped out of your trance before you could turn it. the urge took over again, though, and you resigned to knocking.
"come in!" you heard that familiar tone, though it was much more casual than normal.
you did as he asked, stepping into the room as the door swung open. you were jarred by his state- instead of his usual jeans and jacket combo, kol was laying casually in his bed, pajama bottoms adorning his lower half, and a hoodie on his upper. his hair was messy, swinging in front of his forehead.
he had his arms crossed behind his head. you eyes raked across them, across the veins in his hands. you thought back to a few weeks ago, when he’d turned you. when he’d held you flush against his chest with those hands-
your heart skipped a beat as he looked from the television, to you. he had started to say, "beks-! i've just discovered a genre of movies called-"
he met your eyes, and stopped dead in his sentence. kol sat up out of bed, confusion lacing his features. he was too taken back to have anything witty to say, so he just said, "hello, darling."
you took a deep breath, your brows furrowing as it released from your lungs, "i killed somebody."
the part of kol was that murderous, the part that reveled in sucking humans dry of their blood, wanted to say he told you so. but he noticed the look on your face and he said, "well, are you okay, then? you don't look so well."
kol moved closer to you, concern lacing his features. you shook your head, "i'm really hungry."
there were tears in your eyes, yet you laughed. kol shared a smile, a genuine smile, at your statement.
he stood in front of you, now, and he arched a brow. "well, eat, darling."
you nodded, "okay...what?"
kol laughed, a delicate sound despite his dark composure, "well, a human, love."
you nodded, again, more enthusiastic this time. "i really don’t want to. but, you’re right. i don’t think i have a choice…yeah, i'm going to go do that."
you went to turn away from the room, but kol cleared his throat. you faced him again, "yes?"
"aren't you going to invite me?" that familiar smirk adorned his features.
you smiled sheepishly, "well, duh. do you wanna come?"
kol nodded with a viscious look in his eyes- hunger. he glanced down at his outfit and raised a finger, "don't move, darling. i've got to change."
you don't know why, but you listened. as he raced to his bathroom to change into different clothing, you didn't move a single muscle. when he came back to your spot, he made a face at you. "i didn't mean it literally. you can move."
you let out a held breath, relieved. "thanks."
kol's mind reeled at the interaction. you began to walk out of the room, ready to go hunt. but he stood there for a moment with hesitation. what was going on here?
his mind raced over the options- but he refused to admit the obvious answer. it wasn't possible.
though he couldn't completely remove the thought from his mind, kol shook it off a bit and followed you out of his room.
you descended the stairs with excited feet, kol following along behind you at a quick pace. just as you reached the bottom of the stairs, however, bonnie, stefan, and klaus walked out from the room.
stefan crossed his arms, eyes flickering between you and kol skeptically. bonnie glared at kol, and said, "what the hell?"
klaus lifted his chin triumphantly, like he was pleased at the irony of the situation. "well, little brother. what's this?"
kol glanced at you, signature smirk on his pink lips. "just going out for a hunting trip, brother."
klaus nodded, arching his brow at you, "it's not often that a vampire wants to go hunting with the person who killed them."
you shrugged, looking between your friends and klaus. "it's just a hunting trip. i'm hungry."
kol hummed in response, "you lot have been holding her back from her potential. blood bags and little bunnies aren't enough for us. she needs it from the vein."
stefan hesitated, taken aback by this statement. "not enough? i manage to survive on bunnies just fine."
kol sighed, "yes, but you're not reaching your full potential. i intend to make sure everyone i turn is strong, stefan. isn't that right, darling?"
you never took sides. you always managed to find peace between either party in a situation like this. bonnie and stefan looked at you expectantly, ready for whatever peace treaty you'd offer.
but you shocked them by saying, "right, kol."
"now, why don't you let me and my new friend to enjoy ourselves, okay? shall we?" kol held out an arm, waiting for you to lead the two of you away.
you smiled at bonnie and stefan, but there was no remorse in your eyes. you looked different, darker.
they watched you two leave the house. bonnie turned to stefan, worry swimming in her eyes, "stefan? what was that?"
he looked to klaus, whose own gaze looked curious. like he knew something nobody else did.
klaus opened his mouth, but craved the anticipation of the moment to linger. he licked his lips, sighed, and said, "you'll figure it out soon enough. in the mean time, she'll be safe with kol. he really isn't all that bad unless you give him a reason to be."
stefan and bonnie looked jarred as he walked away from them, whistling a happy tune.
that night, you went bar-hopping with kol. at each one, he properly trained you on how to snatch, feed, and compel. by the end of the night, you felt better- much stronger that you did after drinking bunny blood.
as you downed shots, chasing it with human blood, you loosened up and let slip the dream you’d had about kol.
“so, are you in the habit of manipulating people’s dreams?” you laughed, looking towards him as you set down your empty shot glass.
he furrowed his brows, “what’s that, darling?”
“i had a dream about you the other day,” you shrugged, “obviously. i think that’s why i showed up to your house.”
kol’s mind reeled again- “that wasn’t me, darling.”
he ignored the idea again.
he regained his smirk, leaning over you slightly. you really were pretty- gorgeous in the dim light of the bar. the light flickered off your pupils, shimmering in them.
“is this you admitting you’re attracted to me? that you dream about me?”
you blushed deeply. “n-no-“
“don’t worry,” kol leaned into you, lips brushing the tip of your ear, “i’m attracted to you, too.”
later, kol, who had driven, pulled up to your house, stopping on the side of the street. he rested his arm on the back of your seat, twisting to face you.
"well, today was fruitful. don't you feel better? isn't the hunger gone?" kol questioned.
you thought about it for a moment- the hunger that had been there for days now dissipated. you felt fuller. better, like he said.
"yeah, i-i do," you admitted. "can we do this again? soon?"
kol nodded contently, "i would like that very much. my siblings are boring. and none of them are as pretty as you, darling."
you blushed at his admittance, "well, tomorrow, then?"
kol hesitated to say yes. but something in his stomach twisted, something warm and soft and reminiscent of butterflies. he chewed on his bottom lip, eyes swimming with thought.
he met your gaze again, his brown eyes softened from their usual cloudy disposition. you blushed deeper at the way he peered at you.
"actually," kol spoke, "tomorrow...i'm going to take you out. hunting is only fun for so long. i'd rather go on a date."
your nose scrunched up in glee. "okay. that sounds good."
kol leaned across the space between you. he brushed the hair away from your face and placed a soft, sweet, lingering kiss to the apple of your cheek.
the next day, caroline called you at 2pm. you answered with a peppy beat in your voice, "hey, care!"
she scoffed down the line, "don't hey care me, missy! what the hell do you think you're doing?"
you furrowed your brows, "what do you mean?"
caroline laughed bitterly, "get your ass over to the boarding house right now so you can explain to me and everybody else why you're running around with kol mikaelson like some little blood skank."
you giggled at her choice of words, "o...kay. i don't really understand why we're all so upset about this- but i'll be there."
you made it over to their house within minutes, so high on your strength that you ran the whole way there. when you entered the living room, everyone was standing around, for you. jeremy, bonnie, matt, alaric, elena, stefan, damon. and caroline-
she grabbed you by the forearm, tugging you down into the conversation pit and pushing you into the couch. she hovered over top of you, hands on her hips and a grimace on her face.
"explain- now!" she demanded.
you stuttered over you words, licking your lips nervously. "i don't know what i have to explain. i haven't gone on a ripper rampage. and yesterday was an accident. so why am i being put on trial here?"
damon crossed his arms over his chest, "maybe because you're running around with the worlds deadliest vampire like he’s a frat boy and it's spring break in florida."
you felt defensive, and snapped back, "oh, cause you're so innocent, damon. remind me again, what's your body count? oh, sorry i meant kills- not fucks. though i'm sure they're both up there."
alaric chuckled at this, and everyone glanced at him with annoyance. he shut his mouth, and scrunched his face in apology.
"you have to be careful around him. we don't know if had any ulterior motives, y/n. he could turn around and kill you at any moment," stefan explained to you like you were a child.
you crossed your arms, "oh, my god, you barely know him! you guys always just assume the worst out of people. ever think that every single time he's hurt someone has been because he's been threatened? he's in the same position as any of us. he's just the anti-hero, so you won't let it go."
caroline leaned forward and literally flicked you. "stupid! you're stupid! you were so smart as a human!"
"yeah, well i'm dead, caroline! and for some reason i can't drink blood bags or stupid little rats off the forest floor. at least, instead of dallying around, looking for answers, kol is helping me!"
you shoved caroline out of the way, standing from the couch, and storming towards the door.
"where are you going?" bonnie shouted after you.
you turned towards the group with a defiant smirk on your face, "i have a date."
kol picked you up from your house at exactly 7pm. he stood at your front door with a small bouquet of flowers, and since your mother wasn't home to invite him inside, he waited while you put them in a vase.
while you were inside, your cat, crow, slinked through the open door of the house. he peered up at kol coyly, purring lowly. kol heard the animal and looked down to it. a genuine smile reached across his face, and he leaned down to pick the creature up in his arms.
“well, hello, there, darling,” kol soothed. he ran his fingers through the cat’s fur, enjoying its presence while you were gone.
you appeared in the doorway, and a cheeky smile adorned your features. “that is so cute.”
kol blushed- he actually blushed- and let the animal jump from his arms. crow brushed up against your legs before escaping inside.
“what’s his name?” kol inquired as you shut the door behind you.
you fell in step towards the car as you answered, “crow. i got him when i was a baby. he’s nearly 17 now.”
“so you’ve had him too ur entire life?” kol remarked.
you paused, sad, “had him. had him my entire life, yes.”
kol stopped in his tracks, and turned to you. “i’m sorry- sorry. i’m sorry for turning you.”
you shrugged lightly, smiling sadly at him, “sometimes, when we’re in tough positions, it feels like there’s only one decision we can make for ourselves. it’s only after that we realize we could’ve chose a different path. it’s a mistake- it was a mistake. what you did. but i forgive you.”
kol was stunned by how eloquently you spoke. he smiled, “you- don’t you miss it?”
you peered at him, tilted your head. “being human?” he nodded. “no. i can’t say that i do. i don’t like feeding off of people. but i don’t miss it. i don’t know why. being a vampire is miserable sometimes. but i guess if i spend every day for the rest of eternity, wishing things were different, i’d never find peace.”
kol hugged you right then and there. he quickly threw his arms around you, squeezing you tight against his chest. you giggled, slightly, but hugged him back. though his lips were tangled in your shoulder, in your hair, you heard him whisper, “thank you.”
at the mystic grille, one of your coworkers seated you towards the back, per your request. no one knew georgia was dead yet. tyler had compelled her mom and dad to think she went on a trip, and that's what the story was for now. another death, another memorial, was too much for the town right now.
you had told kol about death last night, had even cried, but he reminded you that it was necessary. that you would have all of eternity to live in memory of her. and you carried that with you.
the entire night went beautifully. kol was a perfect gentleman the entire time. he never interrupted, and he listened intently as you rambled. though you don't get much food, he still paid for what you did order.
at one point, your phone screen lit up with a text from caroline, ‘where’d you go to eat? the serial killer cafe where they serve human hearts on a gold platter?’
kol didn’t see that, luckily, but he did see the beautifully taken photo of you, caroline, bonnie, and elena on your home screen.
he remarked, “that’s a wonderful photo. you look gorgeous.”
you blushed again. “thank you. it’s one of my favorites. taking pictures is a hobby of mine.”
kol sat up in his seat and demanded you show him more. you let him scroll through the album on your phone. he noticed you took a picture of something almost every single day- but that that had stopped since you’d transitioned.
“why don’t you take them anymore? didn’t caroline tell you to hold onto things like that?” kol questioned, handing you back your phone.
you toyed with it, sighing, “yeah. i’ve wanted to. i just- i don’t know.”
kol took your hand, “that’s a way to find peace. by keeping ahold of yourself. not letting her get lost in the transition. you’re still you.”
you smiled up at him, hesitated, before holding up your phone. you opened the camera app and put him into frame. turns out vampires do show up on camera- and he looked good.
“say cheese,” you giggled as kol’s face went slack with confusion.
“what does that mean?” he asked you.
you lowered the camera for a moment, “it means to smile! when you say it, you teeth pull back. so you’re smiling!”
kol laughed, “darling, that is a ridiculous expression. besides, i don’t want a photo if you’re not in it.”
he slid into the booth beside you, tossed his arm around your shoulders, and grinned as you pointed the camera towards you. you took three- one where you were smiling, a backup one in case the other didn’t turn out, where he didn’t know you were taking it- he was just looking at you with this romantic expression- and another where he kissed your cheek.
it all felt very wonderful. you didn't care if he had killed a hundred people in this century. you didn't care that he killed you, that he threatened your friends and poised a danger to himself and others.
you cared that the light hit his dark eyes in an inspiring manner each time he tilted his head. you cared that he thought you were interesting, that he listened. you cared that he loved the color green, forest green, like pine trees and his car. you cared that his favorite place to travel to was ireland, though he hadn't been in a hundred years. that he wanted to go back.
you wanted to go with him.
he pulled up outside of your house, and as you reached for the door handle, he sped out of the car and opened it for you.
"you don't have to do that. it's not 1910 anymore," you laughed, taking his offered hand and standing.
"yes, i do, darling," he disagreed with a sweet smile. "beauty like that deserves a gentlemanly touch."
you sheepishly smiled at him, "whatever you say, kol."
he offered his arm again, and you closed your hand around the crook of his elbow. he led you to the front door, continuing whatever conversation you'd been having in the car. as you stepped onto the porch, you slowly let go of his arm, and turned to face him.
"thank you for the last few days," you confessed, a deep breath sliding through your teeth. "tonight was the first night in a while where i felt- i don't know- ordinary. everyone keeps treating me like i'm delicate, like i'm small. thanks for treating me like an equal."
kol stepped closer, tilting his head with a smile. "you're strong, darling. they just don't know it yet. you'll prove them wrong."
"yes, i will," you admitted.
kol's mind flashed like it had the other day. you were so eloquent- your personality was sweet and kind. he was intrigued by everything you said. you were very individualistic.
but, you agreed with every single thing he said.
earlier, he'd told you that he absolutely hated olives. and you automatically acted disgusted. he pointed out that they were in your half-eaten salad, and you laughed. "i guess i hadn't noticed."
for the next ten minutes of conversation, you'd picked every single olive out of your salad.
but the way you were looking up at him now erased any doubt. you were probably just a people pleaser.
this, whatever was growing between you, was too real to be what he thought it was.
you stepped closer to kol, bringing his mind back down to earth. he met your eyes and saw a certain hunger sparked within them. kol reached out his arms, letting his hands slide into a resting spot at your hip, and around your back.
your hands hit his chest, and they slowly snaked up to his neck. kol's eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips, plump with desire.
you leaned in further and let your eyes fall shut. kol hesitated, staring at your restful face, heated with peaceful anticipation.
he ignored the sinking feeling and let his own gaze fall shut. he shoved his lips against your own, a passionate, feverish kiss that pushed your back up against the side of your house. you were breathless by the time he pulled back, and you wanted more. as you leaned into him, kol pressed your back into the wall further.
"not yet, darling. patience," he puzzled his lips against yours gently, eyes boring into your own. then, he tore apart from you completely.
you felt warm- hungry for more of his touch. you wanted to kiss him again. but he was right; you should wait. so you let your arms hug your body, like you we’re holding yourself back, and you took a deep breath.
"okay," you agreed with a short nod.
kol stopped at the top of the steps, watching as you opened your front door. you leaned against the frame, and he said, "have a good night, darling. don't think about me too much."
your mind blanked, and you cleared it of any image or thought of him. "okay."
kol watched you turn away, watched the door shut firmly behind you. he hesitated on the first step. he couldn't stop thinking about the way your face looked- about how serious you were in your response.
a month later, and you were all in.
you texted kol all day, everyday- through class, at home, when you were with caroline, bonnie, and elena. you'd gone hunting at least once a week. you'd been on exactly three dates. he'd kissed you four times.
kol stopped doubting your reactions as he fell deeper into it with you. he convinced himself, as anyone would, that was too real.
you were at work, having just delivered food to a table, when you ran into klaus. he was sitting down in a booth in your section when you made eye contact.
you rolled your eyes and walked up to him. "drink?"
klaus crossed his arms, "now, is that anyway to greet a customer?"
you sighed, wanting to groan and punch the table. "that's the way to greet a customer who's tried to kill your friends a million times over."
klaus looked pleased at the way he angered you. he pushed on, "yet you're so smitten with kol."
you placed your palm down on the table, leaning your weight into it. you popped a hip, settled your other hand onto it. "excuse me? did you actually came to eat or did caroline send you to berate me?"
"oh, love, i'm here on my own free will. just wanted to ask you a couple questions," klaus tilted his head towards the other side of the booth, urging you to sit.
you refused, "so; ask me."
klaus shifted in his seat, peering down at you, "do you do everything kol tells you to?"
a robotic response slipped from your tongue, one you hadn't even thought or wanted to say. "whatever he wants."
you bit your bottom lip, embarrassed by your response. klaus smirked at the answer, "interesting. is that why you can't drink from blood bags? from animals?"
"kol said..." you hesitated, "kol said they're not enough. he said i have to kill or hunt. he said i won't be strong enough unles i do."
klaus stood from the booth, swinging his jacket over his arm. he patted your arm darkly, "that's all i needed. thank you, dear."
you turned on your heel, watching as he walked away. you shook your head and urged the weird situation to roll off your shoulders.
but it was bugging you. every time you wanted to do something, and kol said otherwise, or every time he said anything at all, your actions would only reflect his choices. sometimes you felt like you had no control over yourself.
you chalked it up to being a vampire- maybe that’s what it was when you were in love with someone.
caroline waited around the corner that klaus rounded. stefan stood beside her, leant up against the wall with crossed arms. his features fell flat, dark. caroline looked stressed. klaus stopped in front of them, shrugging. "there you have it."
caroline locked her jaw shut, eyes narrowing, "she's sired."
stefan straightened, "how do we break it?"
klaus shook his head, "you can't. there's no spell or magic ring she can wear."
stefan looked at the floor and thought his way through the situation. "well, that's not technically true, is it, klaus? you chose not to release your sire on your werewolves. but you could have. you could have told them not to be sired. it's as simple as that."
caroline perked up at the idea, "a loophole."
klaus chuckled darkly, "good luck convincing my brother to do that. she's falling for him- that's the first girl in the history of the world to look past his darkness. he won't let that go."
caroline looked frustrated now, and she stomped her foot. "talk to him, then! convince him for us. make him see how wrong this is!"
"you've tried to kill me more times than i can count. why should i?" klaus peered at them.
caroline exhausted all her options, "i'll go on a date with you."
he agreed, but he warned as an afterthought, "the sire bond rules your actions. not your feelings. remember that."
kol sat at the grand piano in the living room, fingers daintily trailing across the keys. he glanced back and forth at the sheet music propped up before him, practicing.
he had just been texting you. you wanted to hang out- but you had homework to do. you told him you’d skip the assignment, rush it later and turn in a shitty draft or whatever essay you had to write. he told you that you shouldn’t put him before school, that you should focus and get that stuff done.
so you responded that you’d be shutting your phone off until it was done. that you wouldn’t be in contact.
klaus slowly walked into the room, arms crossed over his buff chest. kol's fingers came to a stop as he heard his brothers foot steps.
"what?" he breathed out, refusing to turn to face his brother.
"we need to talk," klaus stated firmly.
kol knew why. he knew everyone would figure out eventually. he didn't want to admit it to himself. it was hard- letting someone in. but he'd done it, only to find out everything was fake.
he felt the hole in his chest growing, felt the darkness swallowing him up. love was lost in him. after spending eternity utterly alone, his hopes were being given up.
and this would be the end of the line. because the universe was proving, time and time again, that he didn’t deserve it.
he wouldn't be able to recover after having to let you go.
so he would play dumb for now and revel in what bits of you he got to have.
klaus slid onto the bench beside him, his heart tugging for his brother. as much as he hated his family, he still cared for them. he hurt for them.
kol flinched at your name. he pressed the c key. "oh?"
klaus stared down at the piano keys, shoulders slouched. "kol...brother, she's sired. to you."
in one flash, kol hooked his fingers on the underneath of the piano, and flipped it across the room. it shattered against the wall, breaking the large picture window. pieces of wood flew out of the house, and glass and various other piano parts splattered across the floor. kol stood there, chest heaving up and down, and face hot with anger.
klaus didn't even flinch.
kol wiped at the spittle on his chin. he glared at the broken piano, at the sheet music on the floor.
yesterday, when he'd called you on the phone to tell you goodnight, he'd let it slip that he used to play piano. you had gasped, and said that it was amazing. that he needed to play something for you sometime. he had began practicing the second he got off the phone with you.
he was going to learn a song for you.
kol closed his fists, fighting the urge to hit something or throw something else. he growled, the veins protruding under his eyes, his fangs prominent.
he turned to face klaus, but held his head proudly. "i have to go."
klaus stood up, and reached for his brothers shoulder. kol skirted from his touch with another growl. klaus breathed out, "kol, you have to let-"
kol yelled in response. no words formed through his temper; he just yelled.
"let her go," klaus finished.
kol stormed out of the room, nearly breaking the front door to the house as he left.
klaus stood there, defeatedly, mourning for his brother.
you were with caroline, sprawled out on the couch in your living room, watching your favorite romantic comedy. she'd made cookies for your self-proclaimed girls night, and you shoveled microwave popcorn in your face.
caroline was talking boys, as always. she was complaining about tyler and his weird wolfy situationships, and about klaus and his charming- manipulative- romantic advances. you listened blankly, watching the television from the corner of your vision.
caroline threw a popcorn kernel at your face, "hello! are you even listening to me?"
you perked up, meeting her gaze. "what-? oh, yes. i am listening. tyler is annoying and klaus is hot, but also annoying."
caroline laughed, but frowned at you, "i'm not allowed to agree with that."
"but you dooooo," you winked at her. "just break up with tyler. go be with klaus. he's hot, fun, dangerous."
"i didn't know you were suddenly into bad guys," she nibbled on the cookie in her hands, glancing between you and the tv. her eyes went blank as she went off on one of her tangents, "i mean, i know you being into kol isn't completely, exactly in your control. like, you're weirdly into him, but consciously you're not all there to question yourself like i know you would. it's still weird, obviously. youve just always been against bad boys. and, now- i don’t know- but what's with this klaus is hot thing? where'd that come from-"
"what?" you swallowed the popcorn in your mouth. your brows furrowed, confusion washing your features down.
caroline paused, and her eyes went wide. she tried to cover up her slip, "klaus. i mean why do you think he's hot? and why do you think i should go for him? he's killed tons of people-"
"what?" you sat up, the popcorn bowl spilling from your lap and into the floor.
caroline wouldn't meet your stare. she shoved the rest of the cookie into her mouth so it was occupied.
"caroline, what do you mean it's not in my control? what does that mean?" you felt defensive, like you always felt anymore whenever someone would say something against kol.
caroline swallowed thickly, "n-nothing. i didn't say that, actually. i said-"
her head flipped towards you, blonde curls sprawling across her back. "okay...don't freak out. but you're sorta, kinda, maybe...sired to kol."
your jaw went slack, and you looked at her blankly. so many emotions rushed through your body- confusion being at the top of the list that you could decipher.
but it made sense. you loved olives. you never wanted to kill your coworker. you hated feeding off of human beings. you didn’t want to be okay about seeing kol.
you felt betrayed by your own body.
betrayed by him. had he known all this time? had he carefully calculated your actions in order to manipulate your feelings? was he just using you?
if that there were the case, why had he been so kind? was that his tactic?
so that was the reason why you couldn't drink blood- why you were unable to do anything but hunt down the locals.
you felt tears well up in your eyes. "what does that mean, care?" you didn’t know enough to truly understand.
"well? anytime he says anything, you automatically agree with him. you do anything he says," she spoke slowly, a strange rhythm to her usually frantic word choice. "but it doesn't affect your feelings whatsoever."
"are you sure?" you questioned, hopeful. "what if he was manipulating me into feeling this way? you're right- when i was a human, i would've never done this."
"i mean...i guess that's possible,"
she paused. she reached for your hand, squeezing gently. "but did he ever say anything to insinuate that?"
you didn't want to admit it to yourself now that you knew the truth.
but you were falling in love with him. and he hadn't told you to do that.
you were confused, speechless, because it was a terrible situation. if you admitted how you felt, he would think the entire thing was manipulated. that you were lying. but if he didn't know you were sired, and you told him, he'd eventually find out, and still think your feelings were fake.
was there a way out of this?
because as your feelings sorted, you’d hoped you’d be able to come out of this with him.
"caroline, i..." your voice broke. "i think i love him. i know it's wrong- and he's a monster. but i can't help it. the first day i went over there, i didn't know why. i just felt drawn to him, like i was supposed to be there. and every time he'd tell me to do something- every time my actions were affected by the sire, it felt like an obligation. i knew something was off. but every time i think about my feelings for him, every time i'm with him, and every time i look at him- i feel like i'm making the conscious choice to love him. like i wake up everyday and choose to want to be with him. and it's not a chore. it's real."
caroline's features softened. for the first time that you spoke of him, she was willing to listen. she was sympathetic. "i think you need to go to him."
you hesitated, but stood from the couch. "really?"
caroline's eyes were watery, but she smiled with a relieved-sounding laugh. "yeah. i think you do. i think you need to go to him and tell him how you feel. tell him the sire bond means nothing to you. just- tell
caroline stood and you threw yourself into her arms. she squeezed you tightly, and watched as you left. just as your front door shut behind you, kol appeared on the porch before you.
you felt a relief, like him being there would solve all of your problems.
you swiped at your eyes, willing the tears to go away. "oh," you laughed slightly, "speak of the devil."
kol's eyes were dark, void of any of the light you'd grown accustomed to. he stood rock-hard, a solid force of nature, against you.
"we need to talk," he sneered. his jaw was locked shut, teeth pressed together angril.
concern laced your tone, and you reached out to him, "wait, what's wrong? what happened?"
kol breathed heavily, deeply, "stay back."
your body went slack, and you did as he said. "kol? what's going on?"
his eyes softened slightly at the distress in your voice, at the state of the situation between you. "you're sired to me, darling."
you were grateful for that nickname- that it was there at the end of such a cruel sentence. it was a comfort, an eye in a storm. it was his humanity shining through, no matter how hardened and devoid he thought he was.
you nodded, "i know. caroline just told me. but- it's okay. it doesn't affect my feelings. it doesn't matter. i lov-"
kol interrupted you fiercely, "no. it does matter. you never would've gone to dinner with me if you weren't sired. you never would've shown up to my house if you weren't sired. bloody hell- you would've killed me. you would've stuck a dagger in my chest if you weren't sired to me. your witch would've locked me in that cave for the rest of time. it matters, y/n."
you hated hearding your name. it was harsh and sad in this state. your chest ached with disagreement, but the sire bond forced you to side with him. you didn't want to- you tried to fight against it. but you didn't know if it was possible, or if you were even strong enough to fight it off.
"kol- no-!" you tried to interrupt.
"stop talking, darling," he looked defeated as he said it, knowing what it meant.
you watched tears spill out of his eyes, carving their way down his cheeks. it burned in your chest. you fought against the supernatural, trying to break from the bond just to hold him. to comfort him. to tell him you loved him.
kol licked his bottom lip, trying to regain composure. "darling- i have to- you are no longer bonded to me. you don't have to do anything i say. you will act on your own accord- you will feel on your own-"
as you fought against the bond, a 'no!' slipped from your lips.
kol hesitated, a spark of hoping lit like a match between you. he snuffed it out- "when i leave, do not come after me. i let you go- i'm letting you go."
you sobbed into the night air, chest aching in response to his words. couldn't he see? couldn't he see past the darkness? you cared! your feelings weren't affected!
you felt a physical and spiritual weight as you pushed against the bond. it shifted slightly- for a second, you stopped caring. for a second, you almost turned around and went inside. because he had released you. and he turned to leave.
but, you snapped out of the bond completely, choosing to keep fighting it off. for him.
“no!" you yelled, moving from your spot. you stumbled forward, but caught yourself on the balls of your feet. kol peered over his shoulder, but paid no mind. he simply thought you were released and we’re going to go inside any moment now.
he took a step down, onto the first ledge of the stairs.
"no, kol," you spoke, louder this time. "stay. please- stay. please don't leave!"
kol slowly turned back to face you. his face relaxed, shock displaying across his features.
"stay, kol," you sobbed, "i love you."
kol stepped back up onto the porch, his brows furrowing. "wha-what?"
"the sire bond doesn't affect my feelings. it didn't- the entire time. maybe i never would've come to you if it hadn't brought me to you- but i made the conscious decision to fall in love with you. i chose that! not you, not the universe just me."
"i can't-" he stuttered, "i can't believe you. it doesn't make any sense."
"but it does," you stepped closer to him, "how can it not? even more so now- you've released me from the sire bond and i'm standing here in front of you telling you i love you! that's my choice. it's my decision."
kol took a slow step forward. he reached his hands out, but dropped them back at his sides. "ho-how do you know?"
"kol," you laughed sardonically, "please believe me, kol. compel me, cast a spell! something. please! just please know that i am telling the truth. i love you."
kol almost did- he almost compelled you. but as you moved closer to each other, he saw something in your eyes. it's usual brightness, it's light, extraordinarily warm though you were dead.
he wanted to run away from the truth because he was afraid. he'd never let someone in before. he was frightened you would leave when things got bad.
and he even took a step backwards.
but, then he made the conscious decision to try- to love you.
he stepped forward and at that movement, you did, too.
you jumped into his embrace, gripping at the front of his shirt. he pressed his lips into yours fiercely, holding you flush against his chest. he kissed you so harshly, you bent backwards to support his weight. you exchanged a giggle, but pushed back to steady your bodies.
he pulled away, breathless, to say, "i love you, too. i love you so much, darling. i love you."
