持久力

sharkbitings​:

Ai knows better than to fall into the best-laid trap that is Rin’s dismissive, almost curt tone; if anything it could be more a reaction to embarrassment than Rin trying to cover something up that was bigger. For this reason, Ai offers Rin a simper, equal parts sympathetic and obedient.

“Of course not,” Ai agrees, waiting a beat before taking out his second towel to dry himself off, head first. Then, “If you wanted to steal my towel, you’d just do it.” A bit of levity - because if Rin had something on his mind, this might be a simple way of assuaging it. With lightt-hearted humour. Besides, even if Rin-senpai stole my towel, something tells me he’d return it eventually, anyway...

sharkbitings​:

“Hm? I think I do, let me just--” Ai’s arm seems to disappear completely into his sports bag, but miraculously he procures a spare, clean towel from the depths of it.

“It’s unlike you to forget your gear,” Ai notes - and his tone isn’t accusatory. If anything, should Rin squint, he might hear the faintest hint of worry.

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

@sharkteethandduckfeathers asked:

[ hips ]  your muse pulling mine in close by the hips.

--

It’s funny what a little bit of solitude and introspection can do to people. This was hardly the first time Rin and Ai have stumbled out of some cafe together during one of Rin’s many visits back home, taking advantage of the face time as best as they could and pretending, as they always do, professionally and on cue, that neither of them feel or care for that magnetic tug. Ai reckons it’s been two, maybe three years since graduation; a cumulative six since they’ve known each other by name. That’s about six years of mutually agreeing to ignore the elephant in the room.

To Rin’s credit, he started it. Insisted stopping at his hotel just for a second to pick something up before the two of them carried on, probably to meet up with someone else - Ai can’t even remember the name Rin mentioned. He couldn’t tell you when his field of view became nothing but broad shoulders and red hair. It was clear RIn was thinking, but stopped short of doing something. 

Ai thinks he gets it. Rin’s staring at the elephant, probably praying to god Ai will look at it, too. And Ai, in all his tenacity and unbridled self-commitment, refuses to disappoint.

"Rin.” Hands are on Rin’s hips, a touch far too rare to be anything less than obvious. Ai tugs, just enough to bring their bodies together - and if he leans against his friend, presses their bodies flush, just enough to get his point across, he will not deny it. Despite the proximity, the way he looks at Rin is almost with reprimand. “I’ve met you half way. Now I need you to do the same.” Otherwise, I might loose my cool...!

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

“Rin,” Ai warns in a low, emphatic whisper; suddenly the space between them was so small, and it took all the certainty out from Ai’s actions. How quickly and easily Rin could throw him off balance, just like that... It’s always been like this. Since day one, he’s made a mess of me. Ai’s cheeks flush red and rather than looking at Rin straight, Ai is looking at him from the corner of his eyes; if he turned his face forward, it’d be no good.

Thankfully, though, Ai did still have one round of ammunition: his lived truth. And to Rin’s cocky, confident, smarmy inquiry, Ai offers a too-innocent smile. Suddenly feeling so sure, in fact, that he does turn to face Rin fully, locked in eyesight, filling their peripherals with only each other.

“I wrote in my journal.” Among other things, but Rin was going to have to get him behind closed doors to get Ai to admit to it openly.

Rin’s sudden somber tone urges Ai to shake his head, again tugging at the hem of Rin’s sleeve as a silent show of support. “It isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known. I went to great lengths to hide it, so... Don’t mind.” His smile is unshaken, rock steady - as it always has been. “We’re moving forward, right? That’s what matters now.”

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:. 

Well. Rin had a point, and Ai was doing a pretty bad job of deflecting the obvious; he not-so-subtly clears his throat. He spares a moment to look over their shoulders, as if to make sure the rest of their teammates were nowhere within earshot, at least a mile back near the Izakaya. Because admitting personal stuff was exactly that: personal. Only for Rin’s ears.

“When you like someone and share a room and a swim team with them, and you’re forced to see them shirtless every day,” Ai intones, looking to Rin almost accusatory, “You learn to cope. Otherwise, you just explode.” 

But he listens to Rin as he explains further, and Ai thinks he gets it. And despite his own anecdote, Ai thinks he can begin to understand Rin’s feelings. For the first time in the history of their kinship with one another, Ai feels as if he knows something in a way Rin doesn’t. And the way he smiles up at him is all reassurance, and confidence, and certainty, and kindness and compassion.

“I understand. Because now something’s clicked, right? It’s changed.” And he titters, in that self-deprecating manner that has always been so typical of him. “Imagine feeling like this for three years straight.” He gently tugs on the hem of Rin’s sleeve, a grounding motion. “Well... Not that it’s a competition. I mean it as if to say, I get it. Maybe I sound calm about it, but if you pried my chest cavity open, I think you’d just see my heart doing laps around itself.”

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

Ai blinks. And then blinks again. If he thought he could keep colour from his cheeks earlier, i t was wishful thinking; now? It’d be delusion, what with how fast his cheeks flush a deep crimson red. To save them both though, Ai clears his throat and then laughs, looking to Rin through a sideward, chipper gaze. 

“Why is that such a novelty? You’ve seen me shirtless plenty of times. You saw me shirtless just this afternoon.” A solid save, he thinks, if he completely ignores the very obvious implications of Rin’s outburst. Not because he finds them offputting - rather, everything was coming in so quick, and the idea that Rin has thought of him like that is a lot to process. 

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

Ai would argue he wasn’t cheating at all; if that was the case, then Rin had been totally unfair all the years prior by just existing. The constant sharp gazes he’d toss Ai, or the way he’d ruffle his hair; throwing an arm around Ai’s shoulders or beckoning him into close proximity for workouts. And Ai grew used to it, but it was never fair. If anything, right now he was getting even!

Rin snags his hat back and Ai spares a moment to tame his hair back to a smooth affect again before standing up and off the swing, using Rin’s hand as leverage. He isn’t letting go... Ai takes in a stiff breath, fighting hard to keep colour from reaching his cheeks. If it does, he can just blame it on the wind.

“I feel like you have a bias before even asking,” Ai teases, smile easy on his lips. He regards Rin fondly, replaying the events of the past ten-to-fifteen minutes in his head. “And besides, the ocean is on the way to the train anyway.” Not that Ai wanted to go home, but it’d have to come sooner or later; best to make the journey easier, if he can.

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

Ai looks in Rin’s eyes, really searches them; tries to make heads and tails of it all. Ai was a sensible person, after all, not at all a stranger to shuffling priorities even if it meant putting himself at the bottom of the totem pole. The difficulty here was figuring out which priority reigned: his college education, or a pot-shot that might not even work, but could be worth it if he got to be with Rin.

Ai places both of his hands on the sides of Rin’s cheeks, presses their foreheads together gently. And then takes a deep breath and leans back again, resolution on his face.

“I understand.” And he bites his tongue, refusing the deep-seated urge to apologize, as if taking up space was still a sin. No longer. They’ve both grown. Ai looks down to his lap, taking one of Rin’s hands and holding it gently between both of his own. Bold, maybe, but he needed a lifeline.

“We can figure out Australia later. All I know is I want to spend time with you.” Then, back up to Rin, with that same resolution behind his icy blue eyes. “And you’re here now. I don’t want to take that for granted.”

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

 Ai is--

“Rin-senpai?”

-- stunned. Never mind the logistical errors; Ai had planned to go to college immediately after graduation, already had plans to scout local apartments close to Shimogami University. Had plans to continue swimming, even if he didn’t have the ambition to do it on a world stage. His eyes search Rins, try to make sense of the proposition before him.

“Do you mean--? Now?” As in, this spring. “For a week? For a semester?” Ai’s shoulders drop. “I don’t... I”m not sure if that’s.” What’s in the cards for me. But Ai doesn’t want to seem as if he lacks confidence; he takes a deep, steady breath. “I want to spend time with you. And I want to swim, too. But RIn-senpai, whatever training regime you have won’t be a fit for me.” It’s only here he looks down, not out of shame; out of uncertainty. “You have important goals to reach. I don’t want to be in the way of them.”

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

Not a dream, not a hallucination. This was reality, as real as the soft night breeze kissing his skin and the faint sounds of cars traveling the nearby roads. Real is the way Rin pries Ai’s hand off from the swing’s chain, twining their fingers together. This somehow, more than their kiss, is what causes Ai’s heart to leap up into his throat.

He closes his eyes and takes measured breaths to calm himself down; Ai doesn’t doubt for a second that Rin can likely feel his pulse rapidly vibrating just below his palm.

Go on a date with me. 

Ai smiles, bright and over-exuberant-- and then at once, his expression falls a little. So as not to dissuade Rin however, he gently squeezes his hand, looking him in the eye as Ai addresses him. 

“Don’t you leave tomorrow? Back home.” Ai could have his dates wrong - Rin had only mentioned his plans vaguely once at the yakiniku table. “Unless we do something tonight. Well--! Not that I’m opposed to waiting!” He simpers. “Sorry. Let me answer properly.

I’d love to go on a date with you. Whether it’s now, or months from now.”

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

“I wasn’t--”

Words. Sucked straight up and out of his lungs. And here Ai thought he was being bold, crossing lines they were never meant to cross, taking actions he never once thought himself brave enough to take. And yet again, as he always does, Rin shows him what true conviction looks like.

The moment is in stark clarity, despite the overwhelming fog that seems to block out the rest of the world around him. He can smell the crisp night air, and Rin’s shampoo, and can taste his breath on his own. Ai isn’t sure when his hand made it into Rin’s hair, balled and curled as if to hold him there, to make sure he wasn’t dreaming this up, but when Rin finally pulls back to give them both room, Ai realizes his grip had accidentally been white-knuckled.

He releases the tension in his fingers and wrist, opens his eyes. He looks positively stunned, staring at Rin and his ridiculous grin as if somewhere between his eyes and his mouth Ai might find an answer.

Just to really truly for real make sure he didn’t just conjure all of this up in his head, Ai brings his hand to trace the pad of his thumb over Rin’s bottom lip. Sure enough, he can feel the soft and pliant skin, warm to the touch. And finally, slowly, he nods.

“Alright. Okay. I think I understand.” Ah, there it is-- his bright smile, paired with a soft, stunned laugh. This time, Ai presses his thumb to his own bottom lip, as if chasing a phantom feeling. “Where did you learn--? Never mind. Sorry.” Eyes back on Rin. “We’ve... We’ve wasted a lot of time, haven’t we?” 

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

Ba-thump, ba-thump. The familiar beat of a war drum resonating from his chest to his extremities, oftentimes in close proximity to one Matsuoka Rin. Ai has since learned how to march its warpath, and no longer shrinks away or cowers from its intensity. Yet still, from the moment they saw each other immediately after his swim victory, it is that ever-persistent ringing of his own pulse between his ears that is more disarming than anything.

He thinks this is the tallest precipice of all. And if he wagered an educated guess, Rin already had one foot off. There’s a pause; Ai is calculating. 

And then the way he moves is gentle and soft; he holds Rin’s wrist, the one closest to his face, and turns it inward. Without hesitation Ai lays a soft kiss to Rin’s pulse.

“I think you’re overthinking things, senpai. And I thought that was my job.”

There’s a breathless titter somewhere, but it’s smothered between Ai’s lips and Rin’s. The kiss is there and gone, so quick that if Rin blinked, if he hadn’t been paying attention, he might’ve missed it. What is very hard to miss, though, is the wild, furious crimson that climbs from Ai’s clavicle all the way to the tips of his ears.

Despite himself, he seems so calm, unafraid to look Rin in his beautiful, bright eyes. “Does that help at all?”

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

Ai’s turn to frown and furrow his eyebrows, having followed Rin into the park and sat stationary in the swing next to his. He seems to take in a breath, slow and measured.

“Senpai,” he nearly admonishes, “If we’re thinking of it that way, then you deserve someone who is more bold than settling for a peck on your cheek.” Ai has pressed his heels down into the dirt and sand, legs outstretched in front of him.

And he pauses. And breathes again.

“In the three years I’ve known you, nothing has changed. Not here.” He pats his left breast, his heart. He’ll leave Rin to interpret that and figure it out on his own. “And you reacting in a completely-- normal, expected way won’t change that either. For better or worse.” Ai simpers here, really rallying for both their sake’s; he didn’t want Rin to get the wrong impression, nor did he want to be sat with his feelings for too long, lest he grow morose. 

“If you keep feeling bad about it, you’ll make me think I made a mistake. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us, would it?”

sharkteethandduckfeathers​:

Before Rin opens his mouth-- really, before either of them begin walking, Ai has already decided his course of action. There was no use in trying to obfuscate; he was a terrible liar, and besides, Ai wasn’t the sort to enact action he didn’t or couldn’t justify.

Yet still, the rapid thrum of his heart violently rattling against his rib cage is unnerving. He’s been here before, with Rin, once or twice. A familiar precipice. One Ai has expertly walked back from each and every time, desperate and determined to keep a status quo. 

“Sure. I don’t think I have much to say, though.” His words are easy, too easy for how clearly anxious Rin is over all of it. Really, it is because Ai has sat with his emotional charge for three years. That is three years’ worth of rumination and sitting with his feelings; Rin could rapid-fire a thousand loaded questions and Ai would supply him a thousand-and-one answers. 

Maybe I’m overthinking this, but did you mean it?

Ai furrows his brows at that. 

“I stand by what I did, if that’s the question being asked.” Ai looks to Rin, completely unfazed. If anything, it is as if he is deliberately trying to play the part of an emotional anchor for his senior. “But if you’re asking if there’s meaning behind it, I...” 

That precipice again. For all his forward-facing confidence, that rattling in his chest grows stronger. Ai balls his fists to keep his hands from shaking.

“I missed you. And you’re important to me, Rin-senpai.” A beat. “Rin. Sorry.” And he shakes his head. “I didn’t think if it’d make you uncomfortable... That was selfish of me. But, I don’t regret it.”

Doing them both a disservice to the tension in the air, Ai shines that world-shattering, sunny smile of his. “So! I guess I did mean it.”