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ltbluepoetry

@ltbluelovesteatoo / ltbluelovesteatoo.tumblr.com

I am a lover of literature, science, art and nature. I am a lover of all, as life is too short to hate. I am Lance. ☺
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I needed to talk

It’s been a long time since I used Tumblr properly. I have popped on once or twice over the last few years when I’ve remembered I had Tumblr, but now I feel the need to genuinely return;

this is a great place to just get things off your chest and feel completely unburdened, and I forgot how good it is to have such an avenue of expression. You see, I’m far too self-critical to be as open as I’d like on other social media (or to friends or family) and I end up talking myself out of it with an internal monologue that goes something like, “nobody wants to hear that”, “they have their own problems”, “you’re going to drive them away”, “they’ll get bored”, “others have it worse- they might have it worse”, “get over yourself, you’ll be fine”. 

I have gotten very good at listening to the latter- at least I thought I had until I found myself sat at my computer, drinking red wine and logging into Tumblr, now an adult. 

I’m not saying Tumblr is for kids, but I was a kid when it was for me- and that brings me to my ultimate point. I am regressing.

Beliefs I haven’t held for nearly 10 years are back; movies I haven’t liked for 5 years are being rewatched; habits and behaviours I haven’t exhibited for an age are being re-exhibited. I don’t know what to do.

I’m pretty good at being aware of myself and what I’m going through, and I know that this is all because I’m probably trying to rediscover the feelings of comfort I had when I wasn’t sure in myself; when I was naive and young and didn’t know all the facts; when my world was smaller and yet so much more open. Now my world is larger and I feel so much more closed in, and not just in the literal sense (because I’m shielding, and have been for over a year), but figuratively, too.

Now, I know I’m not alone, but I need to write about how i’m feeling and really get it out there.

I am an adult. I’m supposed to have my shit in order. I’m supposed to know my direction and my cause- I’m supposed to be ready and steady enough to go- but I’m not.

I’m so lost in myself, like, I believe I know myself throughout- I generally understand my own mind and why I behave the way I do- what traumas I have and all that- but for the life of me, I cannot find my direction. I don’t know who I want to be in the world, and it’s reaching the point where I’m wondering if my current direction IS me and I’m somehow fighting it, or if I have another me waiting to be rediscovered like the old films I’m watching, and if I do, why are they playing so difficult and hiding. 

If there is one thing I need to be sure of, it’s who I want to be in this world and it just isn’t happening. I’m almost 27 and I don’t have my shit together the way I believe I should; the way it has been pecked into me that you should be excelling after the age of 21. 

AND ONE LAST POINT: The standards that gay men feel they have to measure up to are unreal sometimes. The media has this tendency to project gay people as over-achievers and winners, people who have overcome adversity and stuck it to all the people who gave them shit. But here I am, a gay man, sat alone in front of his computer, drinking red wine at 7:30PM, pouring his complaining all over the screens of strangers.

If you’ve come this far, thanks. It’s nice to know someone else cares enough to read on. But also, I’m sorry you had to read such a depressing spiel that I’m not going to grammar check.

Thanks again. Hope you’re all doing well.

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news-queue

A Russian LGBTQ activist, Yelena Grigoryeva, was fatally stabbed in St. Petersburg Sunday night after her name was listed on a website that encourages people to “hunt” LGBTQ activists, inspired by the torture-themed film “Saw.”

Reports in the Russian newspaper Fontanka said that a suspect, a “40-year-old resident of Bashkortostan,” had been detained by police.

Grigoryeva, 41, was active with Russia’s Alliance of Heterosexuals and LGBT for Equality and other activist causes, according to the Russian LGBT Network.

According to friends’ and colleagues’ online posts, Grigoryeva was worried about her safety after she found her name and personal information listed on the snuff site.

“I learned today that Lena asked a mutual friend to take care of her cat in the event of her death when she was threatened with murder,” friend and fellow activist Dinar Idrisov wrote on Facebook.

“The state of Russia was obliged to guarantee her the right to life,” Idrisov wrote. “Lena and her lawyer appealed to law enforcement agencies both on the fact of violence and on the fact of threats, but there was no noticeable reaction.”

On Tuesday, Idrisov updated his post to note that Grigoryeva’s mother had identified her body and that investigators in St. Petersburg had taken over the case. Other activists said on social media that Grigoryeva’s body was found near her home over the weekend with stab wounds and signs of strangulation, The Moscow Times reported.

On July 18, just days before she was killed, Grigoryeva posted an alert on her Facebook page about the “Saw” website.

Grioryeva wrote that the site, which organizes a “hunt for homosexual, bisexual and transgender people,” went online in spring 2018 and was shut down several times but always popped back up. The website posted the personal data of “presumably LGBT+” activists, “including photos and addresses,” and offered prizes to those who completed an attack.

“Law enforcement agencies have still not done anything to find the creators of this ‘game’ and bring them to justice,” Grigoryeva wrote. She called on those opposed to the website to contact the Russian prosecutor’s office and the FSB, Russia’s intelligence agency.

“IMPORTANT!” Grigoryeva wrote. “The Russian LGBT network has repeatedly tried to find people affected by the actions of this group, but failed. We did not find a single attack case directly related to this group.”

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shodaw

Let bi boys date girls

superimagery

Who isn’t letting them……

Gay boys who see me with a girl and say I shouldn’t be allowed in lgbt spaces because I’m actually really straight

Straight girls who see me as their “gay friend” or who say they don’t care about sexuality but wouldn’t date a boy who’s had sex with a boy

Straight people in general who say “isn’t he really just gay” or telling girls that I’m actually gay and faking it with them

Gay people who say that because I have the option of dating a girl I’m the same as the straight people who oppress our community

Gay people who say I’ll never understand oppression or what it’s like to “actually” be gay

So there’s quite a few people not letting them!!

Keep reblogging this post all the comments are people showing how much they hate bisexual people

Biphobes unfollow me, you’re not welcome here. LET👏PEOPLE👏LOVE👏WHO👏THEY👏WANT👏

I haven’t seen a post like this for bi boys, only for bi girls. let’s fix that.

I had a coworker tell me that my bi boyfriend was faking it with me and was actually gay because bisexual men don’t exist. I pointed out that I’m bi too and he said “that’s different, you’re a girl”

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synthient

The story of Cats is that in the 1930s, the famous poet T.S. Eliot wrote a book of cutesy little cat-themed poems for his godchildren

And then 40 years later, Andrew Lloyd Webber found a lost cat poem that T.S. Eliot had cut from the cat book for being too sad for children, and ALW was like "woahhh. A cat....that's sad. That's deep, man. I wanna make a musical out of this"

So the producer assigned to the project was like "okay, I guess you could maybe read these cat poems as a satire of 1930s British society? We could probably do something sort of interesting with that, I'm thinking a cast of about 5 and--"

And ALW was like "no. Forget the satire. Also I want a cast of dozens and the most advanced special effects technology ever seen on stage. I've taken out a second mortgage on my house to fund this"

And the producer was like "wh-- you-- wh-- do you even have. a plot"

So ALW got a bunch of actors and writers and artists together and they holed up and did cocaine workshopped for 5 weeks, and at the end of it they emerged and said "the plot is that a bunch of cats are having a dance contest for the right to take a ufo to cat heaven :)"

and then it made 2 billion dollars.

I love learning about a story’s true origin

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Hi guys,

I’ve recently started a blog that talks about mental illness, the stigmas, the behaviours, and the suffering. The eventual aim is to help myself, but I’m intending to help others in the process by identifying aspects of mental illness and discussing them, hoping to dispel those stupid stigmas attached to it.

Please read and follow, I’ll be posting every few days, weekly at least.

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