[text] You should have told me you wanted me out of your life. [text] I should have never let you back into my life. [text] Okay [muse’s name] what’s the deal, pretty sure this is you…listen if you want me to leave you alone, please just tell that. [text] Please don’t walk away. [text] Please don’t do this. [text] When are you going to realize I want nothing to do with you? [text] You want nothing to do with me, I get it. [text] I’m an idiot. You fooled me again. [text] When I think things are about to change … I’m always proven wrong. [text] I just want you to be happy. And you’ll be happier without me. [text] I just hate that someone could make me trust [him/her/them] the way that I did [text] The truth is I’m not over you. [text] The truth is I never really wanted to be with you. [text] I’m seeing someone else. [text] How the hell did you get my number, stalker? [text] You’re so selfish. [text] I just saw you leave with [her/him/them]. [text] FUCK YOU AND YOUR DUMB CUTE FACE

[text] Did I tell you today that you’re the most adorable? Cause, yeah. [text] Be careful. [text] I’m only saying it because I love you. [text] I’m only saying it because I care about you. [text] Okay, I’m bringing coffee. [text] I’m thinking dinner and a movie later this week? [text] Let me take you out, please? [text] Let me make you dinner tonight. [text] I want you to be happy. [text] You’re always safe with me. [text] I can’t stop thinking about you. [text] I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you. [text] I know you may not feel like you are, but you are loved. And important. Please don’t forget that. [text] It was so good seeing you. [text] You don’t need this shit. [text] I’ll be there in five minutes. [text] Let me help, please? [text] You’re important to me. [text] Stop falling asleep in the bathtub. You’re going to drown and die and leave me and I’m not having that. [text] I would gladly watch Netflix and eat Thai with you any day. [text] I’d give up my phone charger AND the last piece of gum for you. That’s love. [text] Hey beautiful no judgment but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??

[text] If you don’t want me to bust your window, I suggest you answer the phone. Now. [text] To quote Mean Girls, you’re a fugly slut. [text] Are you SERIOUSLY bringing that up right now!? [text] Lose my number, asshole. [text] You’re so predictable and obnoxious. And it’s not only me who thinks so. [text] …The least you could do is answer, wtf. [text] You’re a piece of shit human being and an even worse friend. [text] This is YOUR FAULT. And you can’t even pretend like it isn’t, because you know it is. [text] Why couldn’t you just stay out of it? [text] Holy fucking shit, take a hint, asshole. [text] Go fuck yourself. [text] What the fucking hell is wrong with you? [text] You can take your stuff back as long as I don’t light it on fire first. [text] I have cramps and a migraine so you do NOT want to mess with me right now [text] Bye and have a very fuck you day

[text] Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this. [text] Why are you so hot…like honestly, it’s not fair. [text] Yeah, you looked good in your [dress/shirt/pants] last night but really, they looked way better on my floor. [text] Come over. With condoms. [text] You should come over, clothing optional. [text] I feel like a nasty slut and I LOVE IT [text] Sorry I got drunk and texted you about my sex life [text] Sex on a rooftop - trashy or adventurous? [text] If you’re not at my apartment, shirtless, in five minutes, I will be personally offended. [text] I don’t think he likes that I’m always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together [text] It’ll be like The Notebook, except with way more of my penis. [text] I didn’t know that all of his brothers would be hot and musically inclined, too. That’s a dick move on behalf of biology. [text] I DON’T WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH. [text] So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking? [text] I just need some of your time and all of your body. [text] I am available for nakedness [text] I think about [him/her/them] when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love

[drunk text] So wat are you really over me no w [drunk text] AND I UNFOLLOWED YOU ON INSTAGRAM TOO, BITCH [drunk text] You are my queen and my savior and I love you forever [drunk text] You are the most beautiful girl I have ever known [drunk text] I’m eating macaroni and cheese on a slice of pizza and autocorrect just wrote that text for me pretty much, what’s your night like [drunk text] Listen up slut, you’re one hot piece of ass and if [he/she/they] doesn’t realize it, it’s their loss [drunk text] but what’s the point of a Disney sing off party if you’re not here. You have to be be the Pumbaa to my Timon [drunk text] Can you pls remind me tomorrow of how much of a fool I made myself tonight [drunk text] FUCK YOU YOU’RE GORGEOUS [drunk text] I think maybe you and me should like go out and eat pizza or something check yes or no [drunk text] Please don’t hate me I’m too tired and too dizzy to be hated [drunk text] I hate (him/her) but less when I’m drinking. Thanks, alcohol. [drunk text] Omf g you need to get over here now I think I’m dyin [drunk text] SWEEEEEEEET CAROLINE

• “Now who’s really the fool?”
• “I wish you didn’t have to leave.”
• “You could tell me you love me.”
• “I don’t want to be a one night stand.”
• “I can’t see anyone with me but you.”
• “How long until you just can’t go on?”
• “I might be heading for a breakdown.”
• “Don’t look at me like I let you down…”
• “I’ve had enough. I don’t want you around.”
• “I’ve sacrificed more than you’ll ever lose.”
• “Do my heart a favor, take your love away.”
• “I can’t have you, but I never will forget you.”
• “You’re lucky if you find just one good friend.”
• “Well, I’d like to… but I don’t know if it’s right.”
• “It’s the right time of the night for making love.”
• “Thank you for the offer, but I can’t let you stay.”
• “Last time I gave my heart so sweetly, it broke.”
• “I need heaven’s help to make it through the day.”
• “Darling, could I just have one moment with you?”
• “If I had to say what love feels like… I’d say ‘you’.”
• “Well, I can’t make it through this world by myself.”
• “Aren’t you tired of looking for love you never find?”
• “Sometimes you hurt me so bad, I just want to die.”
• “You don’t remember me… Oh, but I remember you.”
• “But, before you leave, there’s something you should know…”
• “Sometimes you treat me so cruel, I don’t think I can take it.”
• “Do you think I’m such a fool to believe everything you say is true?”
• “You tell me that you’re always gonna love me… but that’s what he said.”
• “Are you looking for someone to care for you? Or just someone to love you tonight?”
• “Oh, I know it’s hard for you to say it’s over… Well, it’s twice as hard for me to let you go.”

date a girl that can beat the shit out of you.

• “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
• “Fuck this.”
• “Get the fuck out of here.”
• “Who the fuck are you?”
• “Fuck that!”
• “I fucking hate him/her/them/you.”
• “Fuck. FUCK. FUUUUCK!”
• “Shut the fuck up.“
• “Get your fucking act together.”
• “Keep your shitty nose out of my fucking business.”
• “Leave me alone, or I’ll fuck you up.”
• “Get your fucking hands off of me!”
• “Stay the fuck away from me.”
• “Who stole my fucking shit?!”
• “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”
• “You wanna fucking go, punk?”
• “Get the fuck over it.”
• “Where the fuck have you been?”
• “What the fuck do you want from me?”

• “Fuck life.” 
• “No, I’m not fucking over it.”
• “Why the fuck did he/she/they have to go and die?”
• “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”
• “Why did things have to go so fucking wrong?”
• “I’m gonna eat fifty fucking cartons of ice cream and then pass out and die like a warrior.”
• “Try to fucking stop me from leaving my room. It’s not gonna happen.”
• “The love of my life just decided that I was worth fucking nothing.”
• “I fucking miss him/her/them.”
• “Who the fuck cares?”
• “All of this fucking shit was for nothing.”
• “I fucked up my own life.”
• “I can’t believe I did this fucking shit all over again.”

• “Fuck you!”
• “I fucked your mom last night.” 
• “You’re a fucking asshole.”
• “You just think you’re fucking hilarious, don’t you?” 
• “Who the fuck died and made you king/queen/ruler?” 
• “Go to fucking hell, you piece of shit!”
• “Go fuck yourself.”
• “Motherfucker!”
• “Wow, that’s fucking small.”
• “Get the fuck over yourself.”

• “Fuck me.”
• “I don’t ‘make love’, I fuck.”
• “I’d fuck you all night long.”
• “You look like a fucking dog in heat.”
• “You look so fucking hot right now.”
• “Fuck–faster~”
• “FUCK, I’m gonna come!”
• “I’ll fuck you right here, right now.”
• “Babe, fuck–not here.”
• “You’re one cocky motherfucker. Let’s go back to my place.”
• “I want to bend you over and fuck you until you can’t walk.”
• “I want you to fuck me until I can’t walk.”
• “F-fuck–please–~”
• “I’d let you fuck me any day.”
• “You better use a fucking condom.”
• “Tell me what you want me to fucking do to you.”
• “Do you want me to fuck you while everyone’s watching?”
• “Fuck, it’s big.”
• “Let’s make a fucking baby.”

• “Give me a break. I’m in the fucking hospital.”
• “How are YOU mad at ME when I’m the one who’s in FUCKING JAIL?”
• “Help me set this fucking thing on fire.”
• “I’m gonna need a fucking lawyer.”
• “This is all YOUR fault, you dumb fuck.”
• “It’s not MY fault we’re in fucking handcuffs.”
• “Fuck, I’m so wasted.”
• “What the fuck did we do last night?”
• “Where the fuck am I?”
• “Fuck. SHIT. There goes my car.”
• “Wait–fuck. Isn’t that my house?”
• “Fuck it. Might as well have fun, if we’re going to get caught.”
• “Why the fuck do you have gasoline?”
• “Where the fuck did that baby come from?!”
• “It’s not a party until someone almost fucking dies.”
• “FUCK, you scared the shit out of me!”