It's about time he pulled his weight around here.

I'm not always an asshole.

When will everyone learn to leave me alone?

When you pretend to be on your phone so no one talks to you.

Burn it.

When someone eats their pizza with a knife and fork.

See you never.

When will everyone learn to leave me alone?

Happy Mother’s Day?

Pretty sure Hallmark doesn't make a Mother's Day card for my situation.

Welcome to amateur hour, barflies. 

Amateurs.

What I would have paid to see this in person.

Congratulations, you look like a moron.

You can say that again.

Happy #NationalSiblingsDay?