there's no one else

Pacing back and forth solemnly considering this offer

my local mcdonalds online prices have me doing cookie math

so the difference between having 0 cookies and having 1 cookie is 80 cents, right? you might assume that the cookies to follow would be similarly priced. maybe 2 cookies could cost $1.50 or something! but you'd be wrong

the difference between 1 cookie and 2 cookies is not 80 cents or even close. it's 1.31. huh? cookie number two costs more than cookie 1 did? it's over 2.5x the price of 1 to get 2? hang on cause

then the difference btween 2 cookies and 3 cookies is TWENTY cents. which makes sense in comparison to 1 cookie's price but not cookie 2's. why'd the cost jump from 1->2 but not 2-> 3? ordering 2x of 1 cookie for .79 each doesn't work because the store will leave the additional cookie out of the order. it's infuriating i just want 2 cookies for 1.60. i have questions for you ronald you clown piece of shit.

DAMA BABY I HAVE ANSWERS. IT'S ALL ABOUT CHOICE ARCHITECTURE. they give you a cheap option and an expensive option, you choose the cheap option. they give you a cheap option, a medium option and an expensive option... suddenly the expensive option is looking better value, so more people buy it. nobody is actually going for the middle option, it's just there to trick you into paying more. lots of love

(visibly crying) so we should kill the ceo with a brick right?

yes. take my hand

dinosaurs are like the coolest thing possible for a child to learn about. it’s like hey i know you were just borned but giant monsters are real and they fought each other in wars for 100000000000 years and then blew up when the sky exploded.

isn't it so funny there's such a thing as "customer service voice"? Like I have to speak to you like a child or you'll rip my face off like a wild chimp

im into some fucked up shit. raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. brown paper packages tied of with strings. i could go on but you couldnt even handle it

spending 20 dollars is easy but once you do it 5 times uh oh

"let people be wrong about you" is such good advice that i am unfortunately physically incapable of following. if i am incorrectly perceived by anyone i will simply start ripping things with my teeth

when I was a little kid at some point I got upset with my parents because I didn't have a crucifix in my bedroom and they did- I was like why do YOU get to be safe from vampires??? you're okay with me getting my blood sucked???? so we took a little trip to the catholic store but the one closest to us was run by a group of nuns that had been moved here from romania. I got a little baby pink cross and this sweet old nun was like 'aww, is this a baptism gift?' and I was like no. I need to be protected from vampires. and she immediately got SO serious and was like 'this is the best one we've got, you'll definitely be safe' and since she was literally from vampire land I was convinced she was like, van helsing. like the whole time my parents had been laughing about how cute my fear was but she literally Knew dracula and was taking my concerns seriously I held this over my parents for so long lmfao

oh i get it now! what happened fundamentally and irrevocably changed me forever

you ever think huh i havent drunk anything in a while, i guess i'll just have a little sip- glug gLUG GLUGGLUG HOLY SHIT GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUGGLUGLGUGLUG

POINT AND LAUGH

Thank you, bc “well damn lady I Coke’t remote the clouds” didn’t make a lick of sense

i thought this was a moodboard

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straight people ARE stinky

wig!