🐾 PUMPKITTEN SPICE LATTE 🐾

once i figure out how to hold a conversation, it’s friendship for you bitches

The Four Horsemen

what a year this last hour has been

Instagram seemed to like this so I thought I'd share it here too. ;)

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBcTLegFtNz/?igshid=1dy2up9zftf1f

y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen

i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”

so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)

anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”

and then he said “oh, quick girl!”, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anything 

You pleased a mad fae trickster

i am absolutely certain that pen will undo any curse or enchantment places on whoever it shines on.

Reblog the pen of quick wit to undo any curse or enchantment placed upon you

no one ever talks about how evil and ominous carol of the bells sounds?

I have a distinct memory from when i was a kid of listening to the trans-siberian orchestra version during the first snow of the year and just standing outside pretending to be a vampire so yeah it has that kind of energy

oh we all pretend to be vampires to that version

Gotta do it

I don’t care what news I get I just want this stupid potato dog on my dash

^

i have NPC energy cause most of my replies consist on

more reasons im a NPC:

this video is like every facet of what it is to be a cat, all at once

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

Well, which one is it going to be?

And so it begins

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

On a scale from Ikari Shinji to Steven Universe, how well did you adjust to your unavoidable duty to save the world and actually the entire universe from a hostile alien apocalypse through horrific trauma and self-sacrifice because you were thrust into the role of a savior alongside creepy biological hybrid powers you inherited from your deceased mother as a literal young teenage boy, with nothing to help you cope except for the connections you made with other people? And at the end of your story, when all of your friends surrounded you and clapped for you, was it a scarring delusional moment of physical, psychological and emotional breakdown or was it the grand finale of a Broadway-style song and dance sequence?

 the hottest possible take