brought a poem to the gun fight

This is the most legendary tweet I’ve ever read to this day

— Han Kang, The Vegetarian

— Hanif Abdurraqib, from his poem ‘The Prestige’, published at Poets.Org

You and I have one of the most beautiful stories. Meeting you for the first time when I was 13 filled me with a childlike hope for love. You were everything I wasn’t used to, yet everything I could hope for at such a young age. I was dark for most of my childhood and into my teens but meeting you was like a flickering of light. Some kind of flashlight, moonlight or fire. There was a chemistry that never went unnoticed. You gave me the fuel I needed to keep going. And even when you weren’t by my side those couple years before we came back together, the chemistry never left. Even when I had devoted my whole being to other people in between, coming back to you felt natural. The story of us is two teenagers always in the early stages of love. I remember being 17, making out in my moms car. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other somehow. You were always my little piece of sky. Piece of magic. Piece of innocence and hope. My piece of peace. You remind me of everything I should look for in someone else. That feeling. That ‘I could drown into you’ feeling, you remind me of that. You make sure I don’t forget to look for that feeling. You’ve taught me so much more than I ever thought anyone could. You’ve made your mark here inside my heart.

I think back to the first time. I remember falling for you, middle school love and how you were the first girl I saw a future with, my naive heart so eager for you. I remember laughing with you until I cried, belly aches in the best of ways. Walking down infinite streets with you because we couldn’t drive yet. Haunted houses and jokes. I remember how cool we felt smoking black and milds for the first time. I remember getting high with you and feeling like we owned the whole universe. I remember smoking halos in the dark and watching you dance in the middle of a dead end road. I remember every swing from every park we went to. I remember driving to places I wasn’t supposed to because I was still young but freedom was ours. I remember the faces of every person you introduced me to and how they were all charmed by you. I remember kissing you for the first time in 3 years in my car under that street light near your house and how we both busted out laughing afterwards. I remember you telling me I stayed away because I loved you and that was true, we both knew it wasn’t that hard to fall into you so I kept my distance. I could’ve never been who you needed even if you did want me. What a great adventure to remember. Never thought I’d be reminiscing it from this point of view. Never thought I’d have to. I became a stranger almost and I regret that the most. Every time I thought of you I wondered what our next adventure would be. I’m so sorry you had to go. There were many things left to do for you, many things for you to become. But know that everyone you touched is better because of you. I am better because of you.

I lit my cigarette with your pink bic, you know the one you left in my car a couple years ago when we’d see each other just enough for me to wonder if you loved me. It reminded me of that time before prom that we got really high and you told me you just wanted true love, the notebook kind of cliche love, the one that lasts forever. I remember thinking that was the first time I’d ever heard you say you craved love, you were always in denial of it. You know it still doesn’t feel real that you’re gone, it just feels like you’re away. I thought about visiting Eloise but I wouldn’t know what to say and I don’t want to fall apart in front of her. Your mom posted on FB that it still doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t. Caitlyn posted how much she loves you. Thoughts of you come in and out, one minute I’ll be thinking of what I’m doing next and then it’s just you. I miss your laugh. It doesn’t get any easier, it just gets numb, it never leaves. I’m thinking of you.

Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu ― Carmilla

i literally wasn’t made to work sorry to the freaks who enjoy this grindset shit but you literally have psychological problems. i just want to sit and think and maybe talk and eat and drink

don’t ever put me in a position where I gotta show you how heartless I really can be

Huge reminder:

Autism is not a monolith

Some mask, some don't, some do it only sometimes.

Some struggle with sounds, some don't, some move between.

Some have 25 special interests, some have 1, and some have none.

Some are hypersensitive, some are hyposensitive, some are both depending on the situation.

Some are disabled by their autism, some aren't, some only just manage.

Some have high needs, some have low needs and some don't think they need help at all.

It's not a solid foundation of "autism is these specific traits ONLY".