😊

I was about to make a post about like… how my family has this lemon tree out front, and one of the funniest things about having a lemon tree is occasionally I’ll be out in front doing whatever and I’ll see someone walking past and quickly grab a lemon off the tree and stuff it in their pockets as quick as they can like they’re shoplifting. 

I was about to make a post about how that’s funny and how, y’know people can have our lemons, it’s not a big deal because the tree pumps them out like gangbusters, but I really can’t make that post without thinking of… them…

I’ll admit it, OP. As soon as you mentioned your family had a lemon tree in their yard I wanted to ask you how they were dealing with the whore infestation.

which lucky lady gets to be subjected to me behaving like this 24/7 🧍🏻‍♂️

I'm literally this dad

I love these videos they're all having so much fun

omg this was hilarious 💀

the editing ✨ the acting ✨ the tension build-up ✨ the line delivery ✨ 100/10 video

kitten

man. what on earth.

ok i flipped it. sorry

this is among one of the funniest ask i have ever seen someone get sorry

NSFW/Not Safe for Work is a funny concept to me because I have on separate occasions worked as 1. a creator of porn comics for an online subscription service, 2. a film archivist, digitizing material for the The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. I got to experience the dissonance of writing a crisp, professional email to my editor like I was taught to in art school and then attaching 18 pages of dong pictures to it. I've called a coworker over to dispassionately watch hardcore pornography over my shoulder so that they could help me make sure I was scanning a film at the correct frame rate. We were both wearing lab coats at the time. In terms of raw percentage, I have likely spent half or more of my professional life working in situations where it would not be all that unexpected to see someone's hole(s) in the course of my duties.

One time in my archiving job I was scanning a film from probably the 1960s or so, and the male performer looked straight down the barrel of the lens, so I had this transcendent moment of connection through time and space and the medium of film with a stranger whom I will likely never meet, who may indeed be no longer living on this earth, and then he turned away and started railing a woman. Felt like I got whiplash.

i made a collage inspired by What Its Like To Use Tumblr Mobile (: hope u guys can actually see it

the best thing that came out of me making this post was the ppl in the notes saying they thought i just posted a gradient image for the joke only to find out i actually made a collage

i’m only on reddit for r/Kevin

Hi Elon: please add a decreasing counter bar in the corner of the screen so I know how many posts left I can view. Because having a health bar on twitter would be the only funny thing you can do right now

let's draw a horse

Legs are looking a little weak at the moment

final moments left to take part in horse creation!

Good job, everyone!

Boy heroically puts horse conditioner in princess’s hair without a moment’s hesitation

I’ve never seen so much discourse about horse-and-people hair products but please know that your comments have absolutely made my day

You just don't get content like this anywhere else

ngl deep respect to this person for hauling ass and getting shit done for their friend like laugh all you want but this person was RIDE OR DIE